Tag Archives: younger men

Cougars and Encroachers

Well I’ve finally figured out why so many young men are contacting me: “Extreme Cougar Wives.” I saw a preview of the TLC special on Nightline. I feel an increase of youngsters cruising my profile coming. I have a feeling they want to turn it into a “Real Cougars of NYC” or some such shit. On HuffingtonPost you can watch a clip of Jude (53) and her partner Kevin (21). The show follows three couples. The women are 53, 65 and 76 and their men range from 21 to 28.

I gotta say, I’m feeling a bit torn about this. Part of what is making this show so sensational is the May-December age gap. Have you ever seen a TLC special about men who marry women less than half their age? I didn’t think so. It’s embarrassing that it’s such a big deal. But from the preview I saw, that 76-year-old woman is a little…creepy. I admire Hattie’s verve and her youthful approach to life. I would never deny her — or anyone — what they enjoy. But the juxtaposition of her decidedly elderly appearance and that of her very young lover is jarring, to say the least. I’ve hesitated to meet for drinks — and possibly wind up in bed — with guys half my age because I shudder at the idea of my saggy flesh pressed against their firm…flesh. Mind you, it has happened. But not what I would call deliberately. More like drunkenly. Does it matter?

Unfortunately I don’t get TLC so I can’t watch the show. I don’t even know if I’ll be able to post this in time for you to watch. [I didn’t.] ButI’ll certainly try to Hulu it or whatever tomorrow.

And speaking of “old,” I’m watching “The Good Wife” and Stockard Channing is supposed to be Juliana Marguilies’s mom. I’ll just say that Hollywood women have all so altered their faces that NO ONE can play anyone’s mom anymore! Harumph!

In other news, I spent this afternoon with a charming “older” gentleman, a guy I’d contacted online once or twice. I was notified that he was “Local” by the OKCupid app and since he lives in Oakland, I emailed him to see if he was, indeed, visiting. Our getting together was somewhat spontaneous. We strolled through the garage flea market, visited Leo Villareal’s “Buckyball” in Madison Square Park and ogled the amazing merchandise at ABC Carpet and Home. When we parted, I’d expected a kiss, a real kiss, since he’d been encroaching upon my space all day, a proclivity he’d not only admitted to but discussed. Alas, he went for a peck on my cheek instead. I walked away wondering if that was a tactic to inspire more passion. And perhaps more action if we were to meet again. I’m not sure if it worked that way or not. At least if we do meet again, and if there is more passion, I won’t have to worry about being the wrinklier one!

High Maintenance, Long Distance

It’s hilarious how one can experience the full arch of a relationship in just one day when you’re dealing with a complete stranger who’s 3000 miles away! This is yesterday’s example of my fleeting romance with “Dan,” from LA, a handsome 25-year-old with an impressive sex-pack:

Dan:
pic 5 sexy
i’m dan

Me:
Thanks, Dan.
You’re rather far away.

Dan:
so
whats you doing

[crickets]

Dan:
wow fucking ingore all day what a cunt i dont care no more you got big tits

Me:
Aaaaaaand thank you for proving me right that I shouldn’t waste my time responding to you!

Sigh. I never got a chance to respond to his “whats you doing” with “Nots talking to YOU!”

Yeah, my thing with “Dan” was totally physical. Now “Dr. S,” on the other hand…that was all cerebral:

Dr. S:
Hey! You are quite attractive with a great smile 🙂 How are you?! 
And hi, I’m Mike.

Me:
Hi Mike, 
Thank you. I’m good… 
You’re about the tenth “younger man” who has contacted me in the past 24 hours. Is there some sort of odd planetary alignment? 
If you don’t mind my asking, why would you email me? Aside from the age difference, which I understand as appealing, we are hundreds of miles apart. 
I’m merely trying to figure it all out…still…

Dr. S:
Ha! Well, so much for being original?
Simply since I find you attractive. I love tattoos and have always worked with older women, ever since I was in high school. I’ve related better to them based on maturity than women my own age.

Me:
I hope you aren’t offended…didn’t mean to lump you in with every other guy in the world. Hahaha. Anyway… 
I’m fascinated by how (and why) people “find” me…or anyone else. Sigh. I just wish someone closer to my age (or willing to have a long term relationship with someone my age, regardless of theirs) and closer to me geographically would be as bold and enthusiastic! It would help if they were handsome, as you appear to be!

Dr. S:
Ha, none taken. 
And agreed. The best people seem far away! 
I appreciate the compliment. What’s the youngest you’ve dated? [This is a very popular question!]

Me:
My last boyfriend (of four years) was 12 years younger. But they’ve all been younger.

Yes, me and Mike were all cerebral an’ shit until I broke his cerebrum with that little factoid. Or his ego? Who knows. Sometimes I think they just go jerk off after a few words from my goddessness! Hah! I was bored so I turned my “chat” feature on and got the usual “What are you wearing?” as well as the “What’s the biggest age difference you’ve had?” What the hell difference does it make?

I’ve gotta hand it to this guy, a rather plain looking 35-year-old local boy. He’s tried to woo me twice now:

Him:
hi, How are you doing? 
I am looking for someone mature who I could date without pressure. I live in NJ but work in Manhattan. 
Let me know if you would be interested. 
I can share my pic if I know your email 🙂 
Cheers and love, 
VK

Me:
Dude, you’ve already barked up this tree. 
I’m not interested.

Him:
i remember.. and thought you will change your mind..and you are not a tree.. you are a sweet looking nice lady!!!

Me:
What is the attraction? Why are you interested in older women? Do you think we will teach you something? Do you need to learn? Do you think we’re so starved for sex we would fuck whoever comes along? 
Please explain.

Him:
No, contrary to what you have stated, I like older women for their world experience and the maturity they bring to an intimate relationship. we are all love starved..sometimes sex starved.. but that’s not the primary driver here.. key is to know someone whose company..sexual or intimate you enjoy.. in the process if you learn..all the more better..

Me:
Ok, if you’re serious, come by the bar where I work on wednesday and introduce yourself. Let’s start there. 
14 Avenue A

Him:
why not meet somewhere else…whats your work schedule like on wed?

Me:
I want to meet you before I make a date with you. I work noon till 8.

Him:
i need to speak to you on phone before that though…

Me:
Nope. Come meet me in person. Or leave me alone. I will be there. If you want to meet me there’s your chance.

I guess my relationship with “VK” was all about playing hard to get. On both sides. I feel like I don’t really need to date. I’m working hard enough keeping all these idiots entertained and I’m never even gonna meet them. Talk about high maintenance!

Blocking Body Shots

So. Really. Are there a million younger guys out there just chomping at the bit to chomp on older women’s bits? I have been fending off men half my age for weeks now.

If only men who are actually my age were so eager. In a perverse paradox of online seduction, old men want younger women and young men want older women. The problem with this upside-down dynamic is that sometimes old dudes marry blushing trophy brides. The converse is rarely true. Not that I’d want that. Ack.

What do I make of Metro 2010? He’s 31:
Ok… so I’ll have to charm you:) Those lips look mighty kissable…:)
How many shots before I have you naked in my bed kissing every inch of you?
Sorry but that body and eyes have me mesmerized. I wanna see you in that bikini up close:)
I wanna hear that voice. I bet it’s so sexy. I’d worship that body:) massage, kissing, licking, all of it!:)
i wanna do some body shots off of u mmm

And beyond what to make of him, why did I encourage him? I must’ve told him 10 times — well, every time I responded to his overtures — to visit me at the bar. Where I guess there actually might be a chance of him doing body shots off of me!

I spent 18 transatlantic hours chatting with a 21-year-old in Bristol about my tattoos, my marriage and what I look for in a guy. I’d say I was imparting wisdom but that’s hardly the case. I hardly imparted anything!
Which of your tats is your favourite?
When did you get your 1st tat?
What made you decide to get one?
May i ask why it ended?
Did you feel liberated when it did?
What kind of men are attractive to you?

We weren’t exactly discussing thermo dynamics. At least there was no chance of him showing up to, you know, do body shots off of me. Okay, I gotta go disappoint another youngster, this time from LA; he claims he could “get me to like him.” Uh-huh. To what fucking end?

Age. Ranging.

Richard, a 67-year-old, contacted me: intimidating you seem to me, as probably am I. where in NYC are you? What do you edit? or does your moniker misrepresent. My exhibitionism is limited to swimming and springboard diving. 
may I please hear from you? 

His profile was interesting enough, though he lives outside the city. And, you know, he’s 67. I responded: I don’t find you intimidating. Perhaps a bit beyond my age range. And I have no exhibitionist tendencies. 
Happy to meet for coffee or a beer but no possibilities of romance. [And don’t think for one second I didn’t consider making a Yoda wisecrack!]

He quickly wrote back with: can’t dispute Abby, sorry. Which made me feel bad. I told him there was no need to apologize, it was all good. But… Is it better to just meet every guy? I mean, EVERY guy? Even if there’s no chance of romance? It seems like a waste. I’m ready to be proven wrong about low “match” percentages or photos that don’t immediately appeal to me or even men who don’t have a grasp of grammar. Or spelling. But when someone is so much older than me that I’d find myself worrying about them dropping dead on a date, well… What could I have done differently?

I noticed an intriguing photo — a guy with his dog — so I emailed him: Ack. Yeah I’m way outside your age range. And I could barely read your profile cause I was blinded by that awesome shot of you and your dog. Blah blah blah email me if you feel inspired. After a few back and forths, during which he told me he’d met me, years before, back in 1993, I got the smackdown: Unfortunately, You are a wee bit outside my age range. But I remember you as stunningly groovy, if that counts for anything : )

Oof. Guess I’ve gotta be able to take what I dish out. I was gonna reply with something along the lines of “Just FYI, my last boyfriend was younger than you,” but that would’ve sounded creepy cougar-ish. Instead, I slunk away, my tail between my legs: I suppose it does. Oh well. Thanks for responding. And he shot back: Good luck in your search! Ack. That’s my see-ya-later line!

Somehow, in my head, I’ve managed to convince myself that while there’s a staggering age gap between me, at 53, and some 63-year-old retired dude who lives in the ‘burbs, I haven’t had as much success finding difficulty with the span between me — still vibrant and active and living in the big city — and guys in a similar situation who are 10 years or so younger than me. I regularly turn down 20-somethings (and, truth be told, 30-somethings) because I do think that’s a bit too much of a difference. The question is, how many years are too many years? I hate to get caught up in the numbers game and I suppose there are as many mature young guys as there are immature old guys. It all really comes down to mutual attraction and mutual interests, both of which transcend age. But those are tough to discern when you’re reduced to an online profile that telegraphs how old  you are before any other information.

More Men I’m Not Meeting

It’s been a while since I’ve updated you all on my dating ridiculousness, mostly because there hasn’t been much. The last date I went on discouraged me so much that I’m reluctant to do it again. Of course, my profiles are all still online so I keep receiving emails. They are, as always, hilarious. A few of the latest:

Another Youngster
would you ever consider seeing a 22 year old?
Seeing a 22-year-old for what? Dating? Marriage? Or just sex?
whatever you want. You seem like an open type….. I think it would be an interesting experienceI am an open type of person but don’t want to date someone just because dating me would be an interesting experience. I don’t like the idea of any sort of relationship being something you (or anyone) would just be checking off their list of “interesting things to do.”
so then you would just want sex?
Uh, no. I don’t want to be “an interesting thing to do” for anyone. If we were to meet and actually like each other, who knows what might happen. But you’re seeking older women…for what? To say you’ve been with an older woman?
No not at all. I just have an attraction to women who are older than me. All the girls my age who I meet just seem to be……incoherent or just…..too know it all. I don’t know. I’m sorry for saying it seems like an “interesting thing to do”. I’m glad I found you though…….
Well, come visit me while I’m working sometime. See if we even get along! 

I need to be honest with you, because I want you 
-I’m a virgin. I’ve got this huge shield of shyness blanketing me and so I’ve never asked a girl out. Don’t get me wrong, I talk to girls all the time. It just never turns into a relationship or sex. 
-I’m 5’8, average weight. 
– I won’t be home for 4 weeks. I’m a student studying abroad in Japan. I was hoping we could have conversations until then. 
I want to be completely open with you because, like I said, you seem like an open person who is accepting. I do hope that you will still consider me. You definitely seem like the type I’d like to meet.
Ok, well, email me when you’re in NYC and we can figure something out.
can we e-mail until then?
Sure!
Can I see a photo?
I didn’t choose the best one, so you’d like me for maybe who i am instead of what i look like
ok so can i get your email address?
[Unfortunately, I sent the guy my phone number instead of my email address. And as he then pointed out, he’s in Japan. Whatever. Not like much would come of it anyway! I am addlepated!]

Mr. Neanderthal
Greg here new to area, how are you–happy Monday! Can you see me and my pic? love to talk…well, whats your name on yahoo or e-mail?–I am bigbigger1234@XXX.com … [Hmm, wonder what “bigbigger” refers to?] I can send other pics too. [I’m sure you can. What of, may I ask? Your “bigbigger?” No thank you!] Phone is easy way to chat too, ..to expedite this meeting thing, here is my cell 000-000-0000..yours? hope to talk soon! And.. well if I saw ya for the firsat time walking down street, what would I notice first( and second?..love to know) 🙂 Greg
again phone or e-mail is easiest..,lets connect!
Hi Greg,
You aren’t really in my area. You’re pretty far away. [His profile said Pennsylvania.] Do you work in NYC? Or visit often?
If you can make it into the city, I bartend on Wednesdays and Saturdays and it’s usually slow between noon and 3. Of course, this Saturday will be insane since it’s St. Patrick’s Day…
I don’t really do the chat thing and prefer to meet in person rather than talking on the phone. It only increases the intimacy and chances of disappointment.
Abby
I WIORK IN NYC–AND LIVE IN HOBOKEN…
AM NEW HERE 4 WEEKS.
MY CELL IS (484) 410-1341 [Again? Yeah, got it, thanks.] YOU? AND AM AT BIGBIGGER1234 ON XXX.
COOOLL YOUR A BARTENDER..WHWERE? WELL CONTACT INFO OK! GREG
Turn off your caps lock.
And I already said I don’t like to chat or talk on the phone. Come by my bar tomorrow if you’d like to meet in person.
hmm what bar?
Double Down Saloon, 14 Avenue A. I’ll be there tomorrow noon till 8.
ok question your cute you curvy riught?. [Cute and curvy? Um, you saw the pictures. That’s for you to decide.] chesty too lol? [Chesty? CHESTY?! People still use that term? Are we living in the 50’s? Okay, pal-e-oh!]
Yeah, see ya! [That means goodbye, by the way.]
woman of few words.. so your a bartender..and talk there right.
why nopt talk on phone? [Did you not read why when I explained it earlier? Duh.]
i need to type… rather than talK! am a chest guy lol you look dd’s right?? 🙂 [Double Ds? WTF? Does this guy think he’s Dean fucking Martin? And now, for the inevitable…]
I’m not interested.
Thank you.
Goodbye!

Neanderthal Squared!
joeycupid
72% Match
49% Friend
34% Enemy
[I felt compelled to include the photo here because, well, just look at it! Which one is joeycupid? Or is it a two-fer?]

hey sexy
Really?
Is that workin’ for ya?
And how about that photo? Which one is you? The one showing the bottom of his bare foot or the one with the cigarette hanging out of his mouth?
Open shirts showing guts? Are you auditioning for Househusbands of the Jersey Shore?
WTF?

Mr. Smooth
hi our match is only 32% but I’d still be intersted in meeting err stalking at the Double Down 🙂 you look great !
Frank 
Thanks, Frank! I’m there every Wednesday noon till 8!
ok so I have permission 🙂 I hate to stalk haha I’ll be out of town next wed but will go the following one then. what are you up to this weekend?
A friend coming into town tonight, cocktail party in my apartment Friday night, two parties Saturday night.
someone’s busy 🙂 [No, someone has a life.] how’s it been on the site-met a lot of guys? I can’t see you dating any guys older than you. love the tats btw. how many doyou have?
The site has been only okay. I don’t enjoy men older than me but don’t want to date men too much younger.
btw you’re in better shape than 25 year olds so keep doing whatever you’re doing!
Thank you! As for tattoos? I have a lot.
that’s awesome. I’m actually 43 to be honest. do you have a type? say tall dark or whatever. 
I can’t believe your writing gig isn’t going anymore. i thought that would never end. go figure! [My writing gig? Who is this guy? Does he know me?]
No, I don’t have a type. And you’re 43? Why are you saying you’re 34?
I sent this account up a while ago and never fixed it. hey at least I’m honest.
Honest enough to say you’re lying!
haha I guess you’re right. well can I still come in on Wednesday? at least I’m in your age range now. haha
Of course.
good have you ever dated some in their 30s or too young? where in town are you? I’m in the east village/stuy town. was in soho but got priced out of that place. (it was the ugliest building in soho haha but worked for me) 
I’m in the East Village.
Why does it matter if I’ve dated guys in their 30s if you’re in your 40s?
And no, I haven’t.
My rule is to not date anyone young enough to be my kid. But I’ve had sex with guys half my age.
[And that was the end of him. Bumbling imbecile.]

How to Offend an “Older Woman” #1

If you’ve been following my blog because you find my dating (mis) adventures either heartwarming or hilarious, I don’t want to let you down and leave you in an expanding puddle of…porn. Here’s one of my latest, an “almost” date.

I’ve been receiving many cyber-passes from younger men (younger men meaning mostly 20-somethings) and decided that maybe I should give one a go. (Or at least a date.) So when 22-year-old “D” contacted me on OKCupid, I thought, what the hell? His initial email:

Although you’re perhaps looking for older guys, I just want to say that I think you’re exceedingly cute and intriguing. 
That is all. 🙂

After a few emails back and forth, we switched to texting:

Hi Abby! Yes, let’s meet up. I’ll be coming into Penn Station, [odd, since his profile says he’s in New York, NY]  but I could come down to the East Village. Are there any restaurants you fancy? I could find one, though I’m not the NYC native!)

There are so many! Do you have a preference? Atmosphere? Cuisine? Gimme a ballpark idea and I’ll pick a place!

Well, I do rather like Thai and Indian food, if I have to choose (although I’m not picky). On the other hand, a nice dimly lit romantic restaurant would be nice ; )

I prefer Thai. [Notice how I sidestepped the whole “romantic restaurant” thing? Why encourage it?] There are a bunch! Cafetasia on Avenue A between 5th & 6th has a nice atmosphere.

That could work, although, for a rather silly reason, I might prefer somewhere else. (A few of my friends live at 6th and Avenue A so I’m sort of paranoid of seeing them on our date!)

Yeah okay well on second thought? Nevermind.

On second thought what?

On second thought, no thank you. Not interested.

Um, okay….

Clearly he had NO idea why I blew him off. Sheesh, kids! So I sent him an email to let him know and perhaps help him avoid offending other “older women”:

D,
Just an FYI: In the future, when you’re attempting to “charm” an “older woman,” you might not want to mention that you don’t want to be seen with her.
Just sayin’.
A

Can you believe it was actually necessary for me to point out why his innocent remark might’ve been so hurtful? What was I thinking, making a date to meet someone less than half my age? I had no delusions about the possibility of a relationship and absolutely no intention of sleeping with the guy. Ever. I don’t want to be anyone’s punch line! Was I only going out of sheer curiosity? Or for the free meal? I don’t even know. But I probably won’t be too eager to make another date with anyone quite so young. Sigh…

Careful, You’re Emailing a Callous Cunt!

Holy fucking christ-on-a-trampoline. It just keeps getting more and even MORE hilarious! I’ve been dying to fill you all in on another dozen ridiculous dicks and share more embarrassing bathroom mirror self-portraits but some of the emails I’ve been receiving are even more laughable. Check out these tools:

Hello,
My name is “Dave.” I found your lovely posting today and I thought I would reply in hopes that we might have something in common. I had been in a committed monogamous ten year relationship – the best ten years of my life – but my lovely lady passed away earlier this year. The time is not yet right for me to start a new relationship like I had with her but I do miss the intimacy – of conversation and of the body – and I miss the loving, the caring, the fun and excitement of two people who completely enjoyed being with each other. Frankly I am hoping to find someone through Ashley Madison who can share those feelings with me but who is not looking for a long term commitment (at least not right at this moment). The timing is just not right yet for me but I hope that will change with time.
I am retired after 40 years of professional work as a project manager for large companies around the world. I love to travel, love the City but also love the beach, boating, the mountains, skiing. And I love to love! I know you said almost never older but that you might be convinced otherwise. I do believe you will find me incredibly young at heart and young in body. In fact my lover often just referred to me as her “teenager”!
My home is on the North Fork of Long Island, I am often in Northern New Jersey and in the City visiting with family and friends and I can travel pretty much anywhere in the Northeast to visit with the right person. If you find what I have said to be interesting, please email me back in some detail, telling me a little more about yourself, and perhaps if there is mutual interest, we could arrange to meet somewhere for a no-commitment cup of coffee or a drink.
Looking forward to hearing from you,

“Dave”

Hello, “Dave,”
Let me get this straight. You’re a 64-year-old widower who isn’t interested in a long-term relationship. What do you have to offer me? A no strings attached roll in the hay? Why on earth would I want that? Especially with someone so much older? When I’m getting emails from 27-year-olds? Mind you, I have no interest in anyone that young. But I also have no interest in anyone that old. I’d prefer someone close to my age, someone I have something in common with. What, pray tell, do you think we might have in common? Do you go out to parties every weekend til 4am? Do you enjoy dressing up in costumes and dropping E? Do you drink in East Village dive bars? Have you been to Burning Man? A sex club? Bonaroo? Coachella? Figment?
Your “lover” said you were “her teenager.” Well, that may have been. But you clearly aren’t. Obviously neither am I but I would NEVER “market” myself as such. Get a grip, man! Please re-read what you wrote me and think it through before you email the same thing to someone else. You say you want intimacy but to what end? We create that intimacy to NO end? What would be the point?
Why aren’t you on a regular dating site looking for people closer to your age? Wouldn’t that make more sense? With possibly better results? Why would you be on a site designed for married people to have affairs?
I’m sorry to be so abrupt and callous but I feel like it’s my obligation to ask “WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU THINKING?!?!”
Do yourself a HUGE favor and join Match.com or some other dating site that is NOT about affairs! That isn’t about people looking for a quick fuck or a sugar daddy arrangement or some other screwed-up situation. You’re obviously a very nice man. Don’t subject yourself to this sort of bullshit.
If you’re really just looking for a one-night stand, you might be better served hiring a hooker. Seriously. I can’t imagine there’s much demand for a 67-year-old guy looking for random sex. Holy shit what is this world coming to?
Best of luck to you.
A

This guy was not only old but short. Like 5’4” short. That is SHORT. His opening salvo:

The picture of you toasting my health got my blood up. Wonder Woman incarnate! (5’10’ , Riviting in a skirt and Boots) I’m by Van Cortland Pk. Where are You?
You’ve had a different experience than I. I’ve become jaded in that I’ve met no one. Its all a slide show.

So I checked out the guy’s profile. Here are his stats:
Age: 59
Location: Yonkers, New York, United States
Height: 5’4″ (163cm)
Weight: 130 lbs (59kg) – Fit
My Limits are: Whatever Excites Me
Status: Single Male seeking Females
Gender: Male
Ethnicity: Hispanic

FIVE FOOT FOUR? Does he represent the Lollipop Guild? I respond politely:

Thank you for your kind words. Haven’t we met on OkCupid? I’m afraid 5’4″ is just a little too short for me, even with your Wonder Woman fantasies!
Best of luck in your search!
Abby

And the ballsy little gnome comes back with:

A fond recollection not a fantasy. 5′ 8” and 170 was the Juno I dated for awhile. SHE convinced me that not every amazon views me as a troll, O well, No attack submarine for you.
Good Luck

No attack submarine for me? Are we playing in the bathtub? And WHY the hell do short guys feel compelled to tell me about the other TALL women they’ve dated? Like I give a shit! I have, literally, dozens of guys to choose from here in the erotic ether. Why would I want a gnome? I did need to give him kudos, though:

Congratulations on such healthy self-confidence! My loss, I guess!

Yeah, right, my loss. NO submarine attack for me! (Said in the voice of NO SOUP FOR YOU!) Bwahahahahaha! Oh man… Guffaw!

Here’s another older man attempting to convince me to adjust my desires for him:

You sound wonderful but before I go any further, I’m curious why you are on a sight where most men are attached. I am a caring, giving, sensitive mature man that seems to be on the same page with you in every other way. Please respond even if not interested.

I have a number of reasons for being on this site… I can’t say I’m interested. Most of the men on here lead alarmingly dull lives, even those far younger than I am. I move at a fairly fast pace…
Abby

Thanks for responding. Give it some thought as I think you will be very pleasantly surprised. I don’t mean to sound conceited but I may just be what you are looking for. As to your reasons, perhaps you want to share a few with me. As to the age issue, experience in life comes from having been around and learning what pleases one emotionally as well as physically. Take a shot. Incidentally, where do you live? Again, thanks for responding, it makes be believe you are real.

I can assure you I am VERY real. I am also not at all interested. Seriously? You’re 67. And married. How do you figure you could possibly be “what I’m looking for?” I have lived an extremely wild life and have had plenty of experiences, including well over 100 sexual partners, many of whom most definitely knew how to “please me.” Conceited isn’t the word. More like deluded. I appreciate your self-confidence and suggest you use it to find someone closer to your age who is married as well. As a single woman I don’t need to even come CLOSE to compromising. If your photo doesn’t immediately appeal to me, you aren’t over six feet tall, between the ages of 40 and 53, you don’t type out exactly the most perfect words to charm me and motivate me to respond to you, well, what can I say but DELETE!
Forgive my harsh response. I’ve been receiving so many of these emails and find them so appalling that I feel obligated to at least attempt to set men straight. You, of course, are obviously free to also hit “delete.”
Best of luck in your search.
A

And just to prove that I’m not just discriminating against older dudes, I got this email from a 28-year-old attached guy. Wait. He’s TWENTY-EIGHT? And MARRIED? And ALREADY looking to cheat on his wife? Oy fuckin’ vey.

Hello,
This is my first time messaging anybody on this website, your smile drew me right in 🙂 You sound like an extremely fun person to be around! I incredibly enjoyed your profile, it had a real voice to it. While my profile may be lacking I hope to make up for it with this message. I’m 28, live in Manhattan, absolutely love live music and am currently finishing up grad school at Columbia. I’m not here to find just anybody but would rather meet someone who is intelligent enough to articulate their wants, needs and desires. I think communication and chemistry are essential to developing a transcendent connection with someone, even be it brief. I would also like to share some fantasies and fulfill some along the way 🙂
Hope you’re having a wonderful day!

“Bob”

“Bob,”
Thank you for your kind words! I’m flattered that I was the first person you reached out to. However, I have to question, why me?
Your email was very thoughtful and surprisingly well-written. So many people sound illiterate on this site (and others). I appreciate your quest for a transcendent connection and everything that goes along with it. May I suggest you try to find that with someone closer to your age? You mention fantasies…I have years of experience in adult entertainment and intimately understand fetishes, fantasies and sexual desires. Yours may feature an older, mature woman. Unfortunately, mine do NOT feature ME being cast in that role. I don’t want to be anyone’s mom, teacher, best friend’s grandma or anything similarly depressing. Perhaps when you’re older you’ll understand. Of course then you may be one of the sad-sack 67-year-olds emailing me, still, about your fantasies! I certainly hope not!
I’m sure there are quite literally hundreds of women on here eager to be your older woman. I’d bet you’ll have better luck with the married women whose husbands are, perhaps, less able to please them sexually or with less stamina. I’m single, so I can pretty much sleep with whoever I want! Ya know what I’m sayin’?
Anyway, best of luck in your search!
A

I’ll be sure to update you all when and if these guys respond… And yes, I AM, indeed, a totally callous, unfeeling cunt. Better me than you!