Tag Archives: starting over

Good Days, Bad Days

My IndieGoGo campaign has been live for almost a full week. It has inspired over $8,000 of excitement in my friends. This is staggering and has brought me more joy than I ever imagined possible. I’ve been astounded by the far-reaching support of my extended community.

This process, however, will have its ups and downs. The weeks and weeks and WEEKS I waited for the lawyers to do their lawyerly thing were excruciating. I wasted hundreds of hours trying to distract myself with Sudoku and Set (and OKCupid and Tinder). I’m currently waiting for the SLA to approve me. My architect is still working on the plans, which are only for cosmetic changes, but will need to be approved by the Department of Buildings. I’ve shelled out checks to so many people for amorphous jobs like “expediting” and “consulting” and even for just disconnecting the beer gas lines. ($500. Cash.) I gotta say, by the time this bar is open I will be swingin’ some balls of tungsten steel. Seriously.

The other day I was so elated by the cash coming into the campaign that receiving the news that my AC/Heating would cost almost three times what I’d budgeted barely even registered on my panic meter. But yesterday, between seeing the state of the mysterious hole in the floor and witnessing my architect’s sober adhesion to strict guidelines, I almost lost it. I am doing my best to be zen. And it is requiring more intestinal fortitude than I’ve ever mustered in my life. I am tapping into strength I never knew I possessed. Past me would’ve dissolved into a puddle of tears upon hearing some of this shit. She would’ve folded her cards and stepped away from the table. But present me doesn’t have that option. All I can do is soldier on. The belief in my project — and in me — is helping me make the success of the bar a self-fulfilling prophecy. If so many people believe in Lucky, I’d better too! Onward!

Happy Almost End of the Year

I hope you all had a wonderful holiday, whatever you celebrated! I was in Paris with my family. Not as amazing as it sounds…since it was quite a bit of togetherness and absolutely zero time to myself. But…it was Paris! So it was beautiful. And unseasonably warm. And free!

Now that I’m back in NYC, I’m poised to sign the paperwork to buy the bar. Last night was the one-year fall-aversary that set this whole thing into motion. A few days into 2016 will be one year since he died. And the only bright spot is this bar. Because his death lit a fire under my ass that should’ve been blazing a long, long time ago.

Once things start moving, they’re gonna move quickly. At least I hope they do! I’ll be taking a bartending course. Yes, to learn how to make drinks that I will then refuse to make people. Guffaw. But also to better educate myself in general. I will continue to interview my bar owning and bar managing and bartending friends. And I will be decorating and buying and ordering and inventing. It is going to be grueling and scary and exciting and I can’t wait! It will also mean that I’ll be super busy, too busy to bother with online dating. I’ll probably keep my Tinder account because it’s silly. And can offer opportunities to invite people to the bar. But OKCupid? It’s gonna have to go. For posterity, I’m posting my current profile. It’s about as big a turn-off as it’s possible to be with an online profile. But, well, there ya have it.

So stay tuned for more news about the bar. And here is who I was on OKCupid:

NEW EDIT
Okay. I’m gonna try this one more time. As I’ve written below, chemistry is elusive. I am only interested in meeting in social situations. No dates. I’m over it. Small talk? Hate it. Dates are like job interviews. They’re boring. Do NOT mistake this as me being “fearful.” Far from it. The only thing I’m afraid of is being bored. I suppose you all think you’re riveting. Maybe you are. And IF you are, hanging out with me in a bar will only showcase your ability to intrigue. I go to a weekly happy hour where new people and out of towners are the usual. It happens in different bars (and different neighborhoods) every week. If the prospect of meeting a FEW new people, as well as me, sounds horrible to you, we probably wouldn’t be a good match. Perhaps you won’t find ME riveting. Then you’ll have a bunch of other people to meet who might be. If you have something similar to offer me, I would be super game! Anyway…now that I’ve alienated every man in America…read on if you’re the one who I haven’t offended…
END NEW EDIT

Please be open to MEETING and the possibility of being FRIENDS. Finding that elusive “chemistry” is rare. But I can honestly say that every man I’ve “befriended” on this site now has a far more exciting and interesting life than he did before meeting me. If you don’t believe that, I’d be happy to connect you for an honest conversation. Who doesn’t want to expand their social circle? The chances of finding romance online aren’t the best. Meeting new people will always result in meeting MORE new people. Meaning, if you and I don’t “click” perhaps you might with a friend of mine. Or I will with a friend of yours. It’s a big world. If that sounds appealing to you, please read on!

A very close friend died this year and it has made me reevaluate. I am not desperate, just determined. If you can’t meet up within a week of us contacting each other, please don’t bother. Life is too fucking short. I’m tired of this site and I’ve never been a fan of dating.

So there you have it. Let’s meet, figure out if we want to fuck each other and take it from there, shall we? Seriously. That’s about all it boils down to.

It doesn’t matter a damn what music you like or what you read. You’ll be on your side of the bed reading what you read and I’ll be on my side of the bed reading what I read. I’ll listen to whatever the hell you want to listen to. Food? Whatever. It’s sustenance, not an art form. For me, anyway. Happy to consume your art form if that’s your thing. Happier to consume your thing. Haha!

Anyway, none of you read this shit. You look at the photo, think, “Yeah, I’d fuck that,” and you click. I wish it were as simple for women. It’s more simple when I’m less sober. So let’s see who responds to THIS version of my “profile.”

What I’m doing with my life
Apparently, online dating. Still. I do all sorts of things with my life, all of them interesting. I usually have a dozen projects in the works at any one time and make money doing a number of different things.

Oh. And three months a year I’m out in the Black Rock Desert working for
Burning Man. It’s a pretty great job!

I’m really good at
Writing. Costuming. Millinery – making hats, tiaras, crowns. Managing the Sign Shop out at that thing in the desert. Remembering all the lyrics. Event production. Graphic design. Listening. Cleaning. Brunching. Finding the bargains at the flea market. All kindsa stuff.
The first things people usually notice about me
My smile. And that I’m tall. People seem to like my hair. You tell me!
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Books: Lots.
Movies: Old stuff? Clockwork Orange & It’s a Wonderful Life. New stuff? Ummmm…
Shows: like TV? I don’t have a regular TV anymore so I binge watch: Downton Abbey, Walking Dead, Breaking Bad.
Music: Shit you can sing along to. Mostly.
Food: Aw, stuff ‘n’ things…and Mexican food. And ice cream. I’ve never met a chocolate chip cookie I didn’t like…
Truly, this stuff is the kind of thing that’s fun to find out when you’re first getting to know someone. Don’t you like discovering?
The six things I could never do without
Hmmm, how to fill in this blank? Be clever? Literal? List more than six and be all, “Ooooh, I’m such a renegade!” I am often reaching for seltzer (lemon-lime) or my phone (Words with Friends…I’m an addict). My friends. My family. My health. Something to look forward to. (I’m not one to sit at home and wait for people to call me, so I’m always planning something.)
I spend a lot of time thinking about
whether or not online dating will ever work for me. I’m really a brick & mortar type person, who prefers to hear and smell and get a live, in person vibe. So if I’m insistent upon meeting in person (as opposed to volleying endless emails, talking on the phone or “chatting”) be patient with me. It’s just the way I’m wired.
On a typical Friday night I am
doing something fun! Going to a party, dinner with friends, having people over, making something. There’s nothing all that typical about my life, really. However, weekends are sort of amateur hour, especially in my ‘hood, so I tend to avoid the local bars and restaurants.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
There’s nothing all that private. In fact, if you Googled me, you’d find just about everything.
You should message me if
You’re tired of being bored on dates, being single at your friends’ dinner parties, being alone on those nights when you don’t feel inspired to go out but would like some company…well, you get the picture. You just should! I’m an avid responder.

A Bit of (Bar) Back Story

So I’ve been thinking that, given I may not have the time (or the patience) for the online dating blather soon, maybe what I will blog about is the process of starting a whole new life. At 56. Dunno if it will be as compelling but, well, it’s what I’ll be going through and this blog has always been about that! I know Jeff might be disappointed (sorry, Jeff!) and I won’t be ruling out dating altogether. Meaning if someone asks me out, I’ll certainly go! But if I’m gonna have a new life, a whole new frame of mind might be good too!

Anyway, the beginning. Last January a close friend of mine died. I still haven’t blogged about it because I…just can’t. Yet. Maybe never. Plenty has been written about grief. Probably more eloquently than I could muster. I’ve never really had to deal with it. Relatives have died, yes, but never anyone so close to me. This death — my grief — motivated me to look for a “kick in the ass.” Years ago I did the whole Lifespring thing and I wanted to experience a similar “reset” so I took the Landmark Forum course. It provided me with so many “ah-ha” moments. The same few days I was taking the course a friend called to ask if I wanted to buy a bar his company was thinking of selling. I asked my sister, “Hey, wanna buy me a bar?” Surprisingly she didn’t say no.

That series of events set this whole thing into motion. I had already been researching the business and interviewing bar owners, taking notes and receiving “homework” from people. It’s been a long journey, one that obviously is far from over. I’ve made an offer. Nothing is inked yet. It could all fall through or I could be holding the keys by next week.

Stay tuned. Gulp.