Tag Archives: Senior People Meet

Senior People Meet Still Sucks. And Our Time is the Same Shit.

If the definition of insanity is doing the same thing, over and over, and expecting different results, then I’m outta my mind. Yes, I decided to reactivate my account on SeniorPeopleMeet, which is also being marketed as OurTime (which is beyond misleading…BEYOND). It is still a sordid cesspool of illiterates, cretins and men who apparently haven’t been on a date in decades.

culturestyle52

I would say that this photo of “CultureStyle” says it all. But then there was this genius:

He Said:
Subject: WHATS THE DEFIN
WHATS THE DEFINITION OF #34.
IM STUMPED ON THAT ONE..
ALSO
WHATS A LITTLE LUDDITE MEAN?
MITCH:)

You Said:
Subject: Re: WHATS THE DEFIN
The fact that you need to ask sort of points out how incompatible we would be.
Thank you for your interest, though, and best of luck in your search!
Abby

He Said:
Subject: Re: WHATS THE DEFIN
IM WRONG FOE ASKING
I JUST DONT KNOW.
YOU CANT TELL ME?
NO QUESTION IS STUPID WHEN ONE DOES NOT KNOW THE ANSWER.
HOW MANY PEOPLE KNOW THAT?
I DONT SO I ASKED?
DID I DO SOMETHING WRONG?
AND ABOUT US BE COMPATIBLE,,,LOL
YOU MUST BE KIDDING

 You Said:
Subject: Re: WHATS THE DEFIN
Let’s start with YOU ARE USING ALL CAPS! THAT IS THE EQUIVALENT OF SHOUTING!
I’m NOT INTERESTED.
If you want to know the meaning of a word, use the INTERNET AND LOOK IT UP!
Move along.
He Said:
Subject: Re: WHATS THE DEFIN
SHOUTING
ABBY
YOUR A DOUCHEBAG..PERIOD
GET LOST YOU JERK..
Oh, I’ll get lost, all right. This one’s for you, Wendy. I’m SORRY if I want to date men who can SPELL. Who know how to use a FUCKING APOSTROPHE! I am obviously WAY too PICKY and I am DOOMED to be SINGLE FOREVER! Seriously, how is it that so many men can be this socially inept?
To balance things out, I will say that I had an OKCupid date Sunday that was very pleasant. We got coffee and strolled through the flea market, each of us buying a few things and conversing while we perused. There wasn’t much chemistry or even a whole lot of “friendship” type connection but it wasn’t awful. He didn’t do anything to make fun of, complain about or be appalled by. This is to support my “I’m capable of being a human being” argument; if it doesn’t lead to true love, or even another date, that’s not necessarily a bad thing. If falling in love were easy, there wouldn’t be online dating sites. Everyone would just wind up with their best friend’s partner’s best friend and that would be that!
But since that isn’t how it works, I soldier on, battling the bumblers and fumblers, the ALL CAPS USERS, the distant and dimwitted, the lost and the losers. I know there’s a man out there somewhere who will be the yin to my yang, who’ll “get me” and who I’ll get right back. And he might even be on OKCupid. But I’m pretty damn sure he isn’t on SeniorPeopleMeet. Or OurTime, which is the same damn site with slightly less embarrassing graphics.

Misled. Or Left Out.

Have you seen those ads for OurTime.com? The ones with the sappy, smitten senior citizens? Not another dating site, right? Especially one for oldsters! Well, it isn’t another dating site. It is, actually, SeniorPeopleMeet.com. This may be a better-looking home page with a slightly more attractive logo but once “inside,” it’s the exact same mausoleum of Santa fossils and embarrassing “Flirts.” Ack! In the fine print, it says “OurTime.com is part of People Media’s OurTime Community, which includes SeniorPeopleMeet.com and SeniorsMeet.com. As a member of OurTime, your profile will automatically be shown throughout the OurTime Community at no additional charge.” Woo-hoo! Too bad that doesn’t mean double the old dudes. It also tells you that they’re part of People Media, which includes Match.com, Chemistry.com, BlackPeopleMeet.com, LoveAndSeek.com and BabyBoomerPeopleMeet.com. Wow. That’s a lotta single people.

They’ve obviously blown quite a wad on that commercial, though, because it’s as slick as a Viagra ad. And it has the “look”of a spot for an expensive car or designer clothes. Unfortunately, the people who actually use the site are mostly dumpy, functional illiterate Luddites as opposed to sexy, savvy, stylish Ivy Leaguers. Perhaps there should be a more selective senior dating site.

Which leads me to Obliterati, an event I’m planning to attend this Thursday. Produced by my friend Nick, this “monthly event, held in NYC focused on new connections and networking between social circles in various media scenes” is where I met the folks behind NearSay.com. So when I saw the Facebook invite for the upcoming party, with its sparkly disco ball design and sponsorship by a new dating site, I was excited. Then I looked a little closer. Sparkology.com describes itself as “the invite-only, luxury online dating experience for young professionals.” Their home page copy promises Quality, Exclusivity, and Selectivity. Membership is by Invite Only. All Sparkology men are verified grads of top universities. So our women interact only with qualified men… while men message women who value their successful drive. Stop wasting time with the riff raff. Luxury? What the fuck? I was offended. On so many fronts! First of all, “young professionals” don’t need help finding dates! All they need to do is leave the house! But beyond age, since when does being a “verified grad” of a “top university” mean you’re a great guy? And, hello, what about the women? Do they have to be college graduates? Or can they just be models? Who does this “selectivity” benefit? Anyway, suffice it to say I won’t be putting a profile up on Sparkology!

Yet the revulsion I felt about their snooty exclusivity is exactly what I wish someone would institute for a seniors’ site. At least some sort of screening would sure be nice. Like can you spell? Speak English? Some of Sparkology’s policies sound smart: Men pay to start a conversation. Men who copy/paste the same message to every girl they see get penalized while men who send genuine messages get rewarded. Let the good guys win! And their appreciation of manners is also a big plus: Evolved. Chivalry is not dead. Be proud of being a gentleman. I sure wish that message had gotten through to the guy who sent me “I’d fuck you LOL”.

I’ve always been wary of snobbery. I understand the appeal of being “accepted” yet bristle at having to prove myself. Do I want to belong to a club that would have me as a member? Maybe I’ll chat up the Sparkology folks and convince them they need to start a site that will screen my senior suitors! I’ll let ya know.

Day 9, January 19
1. 20 minutes of meditating while lying in bed even before I got up again. This time I didn’t even set my clock…and wound up checking it after exactly 20 minutes. I think I need to be a bit more focused, though…
2. 30 minutes of working out.
3. Blogging/writing, yesterday’s “Flow.”
4. Oh yeah, there was some serious droning in the background, but I only really paid attention to the weather resport.
5. I stared at the latest box.
6. Socializing: 2 hours at dinner followed by my full 8-hour shift at the bar!

Day 10, January 20
1. No meditating.
2. 90 minutes of working out.
3. No blogging or writing.
4. I don’t think I was home much, so no TV.
5. I stared at the latest box. Again. And brought up another one.
6. Socializing: 3 hours on a date followed by an hour at Mr. LES and then chatting till 4:30am with friends in my apartment.

More Senior Stupidity

I think my online dating excursions have reached a new low. And I’ve hardly even left the house. I’m patiently waiting for my month’s membership on SeniorPeopleMeet to expire. It seems that most of the men on here are about to expire! It’s depressing as hell! To call it a retirement community would be saying there may actually be some action – or some socializing. Most of these men look like they don’t ever get off their couches. They don’t know how to spell. They don’t know how to type. And they sure as hell don’t know how to present themselves in an online forum. Frankly it’s mind-boggling that there could be so many functionally illiterate men out there! And so many from Buffalo! Check out some of these  erudite Einsteins and their alluring sales pitches:

SKIPHIGH says  he’s “interested in me” (with one of those canned emoticon messages). His profile? No photo and:
I very happy going guy easy to please love to go out love sports and love church
Yup, completely sans punctuation!

ATREVINO533 is also interested. His profile? Another black silhouette and:
I looking for some one
I’m sure he is. But again, no punctuation.

Another match made in cyber-heaven:
I am a widower who is dedicated to his family. I do not smoke or drink. I am a home body unless it is going for a drive into the country, antique shows, garage sales, carnivals, fairs or activities with the kids or work

My favorite:
iwant somebody to like me for who iam

I guess it makes complete sense that these guys don’t bother writing a personal message. They’re barely capable of tip-tapping out a brief description of themselves! I assume a date would involve raw meat, rubbing sticks together and, if I lasted long enough, them dragging me back to their caves by my hair.

How ’bout this 68-year-old fossil, who wrote:
Hi Whats your ring size, and shall i call the caterer! ? LOL Whats a LUDDITE????
 

Okay, so I realize that I may be coming off sound like a bit of a hypocrite. I’m calling old guys fossils while desiring dates with younger dudes. But I’ve never made a cyber-pass at anyone more than a decade my junior. And can I help it if I wind up in bed with boys a dozen years younger? It takes two! I hope you won’t hold it against me.

TOLDUIWOULDWAIT in Minneapolist says:
Not many of us still drink PBR, I think that is what I saw in your pic
Right he is! And clearly this guy hasn’t been to a bar overrun by hipsters in the last, like, decade! Or perhaps to a bar, period.

REDNOLES, a 77-year-old in, like, Florida, says:
Sweetheart thanks for your photos you made my day. If we don’t ever chat or any thing I can look at your pictures and drool. lov you Larry

Thank you, Larry. I guess.
You’re too far away to bother chatting. And you’re also a bit too old for me. I know, age is just a number. But seriously…

And then there are the wholesome guys who are, for some odd reason, attracted to me. This gentleman was a little overboard in his first hello:

Subject: Your up late!
I liked your profile and it made me think that It’s times like these we learn to live again. I am a down to earth man looking for a special person to share my life with. I am a very easy person to get along with.I am looking for a loving, committed relationship. Not just a fling or one night stand. Family is very important to me. I am looking for a someone who is respectful but not to serious. If you cant laugh at yourself don’t laugh at anyone else. Someone who will treat me as good as I treat them. I am looking for a best friend that can turn into something more. I am a widower who is dedicated to his family. I do not smoke or drink, I’d just like to add, I’m a traditional man and a gentleman. As I approach the second chapter of my life, I am excited at the prospect of having a wonderful life with someone very near and dear to my heart. Would you like to get to know one another?
Jim
“Hugs”
Or should I say “I Love You”

Jim,
Thank you for your note.
No, I don’t think you should say “I love you.” You know close to nothing about me.
I drink all the time. I’ve written for porn magazines. I use the word “fuck” in every other sentence.
So I’m pretty sure we wouldn’t have much in common.
I wish you luck in your search and hope you find that best friend you’re looking for.
Abby

I guess I was successful in my attempt to dissuade him because he didn’t respond. I can’t say the same for the god-fearing guy on OKCupid. (See that post for…that.)

And for a few good laughs, here are a couple pix of men who’ve been “interested in me” (cue smiley emoticon):

I KNOW! I am going to burn in HELL! But really…. I mean REALLY!