Tag Archives: New York City

A “Real” Date

I went on a date. And no, it wasn’t an OKCupid date. I actually met the guy in person when he came into the bar for Burning Man Happy Hour on the 4th of July. He’d seen my post about it and we’d corresponded. He was visiting from California. Did New York City have a CORE Project?

He came in with a friend who had his young son in tow. They were drunk…and got drunker, hanging out at the bar all afternoon. I enjoyed their company. He stayed way later than his friend and even after I hurried off to a friend’s rooftop to see the fireworks. I should’ve invited him along.

But he emailed me when he got back home, thanking me for a good time and offering to reciprocate if I’d be passing through California on my way up to Gerlach. He also complimented me: “You are smokin’ hot when you throw the post x 2.” I was flattered. And I responded that yes, indeed, I would be in Marin between NYC and NV.

So when I got to San Rafael I let him know I was local and we made plans. I showed up at his house at 8 and we had a few beers, chatting like mad. We walked into town to see some live music; I don’t think we even looked at the band much less listened to it, but we had a few more beers. Then we strolled back to his place where I drank water. (This being California, I didn’t want to drive too drunk.) He asked if I wanted to spend the night and offered the couch, but I demurred.

As we stood in his driveway, saying goodnight, I wasn’t sure if the date had been a romantic date or a, you know, hang out kinda date. He hugged me goodbye and I think he might’ve tried to give me a kiss but, again, I couldn’t be sure. It has been so long since someone’s been interested in me I couldn’t tell! My flirtometer is broken!

I followed up on our “date” with an effusive thank you, telling him I hadn’t enjoyed the company of another human being quite that much in a very long time! We both said we hoped to see each other out on the playa. And we exchanged camp locations.

Fast forward a few weeks and we both made a few attempts to find each other. I stopped by his camp and asked if he was around. I came home to a note from him in my trailer. I dropped off some stickers I made for him. He asked about me at the DPW Fuel Station. But, sadly, our playa rendezvous was not to be.

So when I moved back into town I emailed him, asking if he wanted to get together before I headed back to Manhattan. He responded almost immediately. Yay, a good sign! So after returning to San Rafael I let him know I was local again. And…nothin’. I was kinda bummed. But then he showed up at the DPW BBQ at SF Decom. Big hug. Good to see you. All that. And then he had to go work. He emailed me later in the evening but I’d already disappeared.

So more days went by and eventually we made plans. I met him at a bar in the city, where he was seeing a friend’s band. We had a few beers and lasted long after the band had left. We wound up wingin’ drink coasters at the bar staff and laughing with a random handful of patrons, eventually bumbling out the door a few moments before 2am. Not wanting the evening to end (I guess) he said we should get something to eat, so I followed him to Grub Stake. After gravy fries (for me) and eggs (for him) we were standing in the street. And this time there was no “almost” or question about whether there was any romance. He went right in for the kiss. And we stood there, making out, with a light rain falling.

So yeah. Not just one real date but TWO real dates. With a real guy. Who I met in real life. Let’s see what happens next! Cause he’s in NYC quite a bit. And I’m often out west. Sooooo…..

I’m (Almost) Back!

Hello, out there in the blogosphere! Yes, it’s been months. I’ve been out in the Nevada desert working for Burning Man. It was an awesome year, which was totally unexpected. I’ll elaborate once I’m back at my laptop in NYC. At the moment I’m still in California, in a state of semi-limbo, but I’ll be back at this soon.

Some topics I’ve been mulling over that you can look forward to:

• The AWESOME time I had out in the desert! Of course!
• Other Exes
• Something about how the season went with, well, if you were reading pre-July, you know…
• Yes, MORE online dating! High hilarity continues!
• “Is 52 Too Old For…?” Musings about being 52 and wondering if I’m too old for…stuff. It will be an ongoing conversation (with myself).
• Money (between my sister and how much she spends and all the current news and Facebook postings about Occupy Wall Street, it’s been on my mind even more than usual)
• Enlightenment…Spirituality…Motivation…Procrastination

So stay tuned. I get back to NYC on the 24th and will be frantically unpacking, cleaning, seeing friends and prepping for GHOSTLIGHT, the Halloween event I’m co-producing with Chi Chi Valenti. So I’ll see you in November! I can’t wait!

Super Gay Weekend

This past weekend was a whirlwind of GAY! What began Friday night as drinks on the roof deck (but was more like drinks in my living room) wound up being an ebullient celebration of legalized gay marriage in front of The Stonewall Inn. A group of us traipsed over from my apartment and merged with the joyous crowds in the Village. It was an amazing night! And I made it onto TV via the AP reporter who was crammed in with us. My friends and I sang an a capella version of “Goin’ to the Chapel” and joined the whole mass of people for “New York, New York.” The streets were filled with proud New Yorkers, both gay and straight. It was exciting to be part of history in the making.

Saturday I went out to Governors Island in the afternoon to affix the final Figment signage: three art and mini golf maps of Figment (at Liggett) Terrace. After a few quick staplegunnings, I enjoyed a chai latte by the water and waited to meet Jess, who’d finagled tickets to the Governors Island Gay Pride Show at Water Taxi Beach. We had a few drinks and watched the sunset, surrounded by hundreds of sexy, shirtless gay boys, danced to house music and then saw Olivia Newton John. She only sang three songs but she was worth the wait!

Sunday morning I woke up early and got my glitter on in anticipation of the Pride Parade. I met up with Christopher and Bradford and we cabbed it up to 38th and 5th to rendezvous with the rest of our posse. We were a motley group of burners, with more joining us as we marched down Fifth Avenue. It was the perfect day to be decked out in my rainbow sequin cloak with black feather boa trim, but it did get a bit warm while dancing beside the Callen-Lorde float. They had a great DJ and Lynda Carter!

We made it all the way to the end of the parade route, where it became crucial for everyone to get a drink. I couldn’t continue on with the gaiety because I had house guests arriving so I reluctantly crossed town in my sparkles.

The extended weekend festivities made me reflect upon peoples’ politics. While being gay is not a choice, politics are, and unfortunately who you sleep with can be a political statement, whether you want it to be or not. Sadly, there are plenty of people who choose to hate based solely on a person’s sexual preference. I have what I’ll refer to as “a newly minted lesbian” in the family now though I doubt she’d refer to herself in that fashion. I’ve hung around with the freaks for so long that there’s no question where my politics lie (or get laid). It will be interesting to see how — or if — her beliefs change over time. For now, I’ll provide enough gay pride for the both of us!

Super Fun Saturday!

Following the emotional roller coaster of Friday, I was ready for some fun! And, thankfully, Saturday delivered!

The day started early with The Burner Lab Meet & Greet. I’d booked The Delancey’s lush roof deck from noon til 5pm, complete with BBQ grill. Corona was on special and I held off as long as I could, until 1:15. From there it was beer after beer, a parade of bright-eyed newbies and enough grizzled veterans to answer all their eager questions. Kat and Jesse Green were running a crafty corner, letting people decorate leaves for NYC’s CORE tree. Oman, Cinemagirl and Nickname were manning — and womaning — the grill, serving up hot dogs and burgers. I was in such a great mood I was actually nice. To everyone. ALL DAY! I know! Not a smidge of snark! I was like the proverbial burner welcome wagon!

The event really picked up when the Rangers arrived, fresh from their Ranger Training. It was gonna be tough to leave! But I eventually did, with one hell of a buzz, bound for home and a quick change from my DPW Playa Restoration t-shirt (represent!) to a corset and suede high-heeled boots. I brought a PBR in the cab with me en route to Paddles and the memorial for The Hellfire’s eminence gris, Lenny Waller. The place was packed as friend after friend took the mic to reminisce about the man who was the glue that held New York City’s fetish community together for over two decades. He truly was a great humanitarian.

I ran into a lot of familiar faces, many of whom mentioned “the old guard” when they greeted me. Who’d’ve thought that I’d be considered a member of the old guard in a community that I found so late? It was great to see those old friends, people I used to see on almost a weekly basis and hadn’t seen in years. When Porno Jim wrapped up the homages, it was time for me to jump into another cab, headed back downtown.

When I got to my apartment, Douggie, Natasha and Dirtbag were already on my stoop, bags of beer in hand. Soon my apartment was full of folks prepping for the Animus Slumber Party. I stepped out of my high-heeled boots and into a pair of penguin feety pajamas. Numerous PBRs were consumed. Hilarity ensued. And then we tried to get into cabs. Hahahah!

Upon arrival at Santos Party House, we were dismayed to find a giant line. “I can’t stand outside in the rain,” I wailed, “I’m in feety pajamas!” And I was gonna work those feety pajamas! We pled our case with Squire, the party’s co-producer and weasled our way in. The joint was jumpin’ with pajama-clad revelers, some actually playing Spin-the-Bottle on the floor! The DJ on the decks when we showed up wasn’t my favorite but the guy who followed him had me. I was a feety flannel frenzy!

At about 3:30 I hit my wall, realizing that I’d been drinking for 14 straight hours. Not a bad showing, thankyouverymuch, but definitely time to go home. I bleerily hailed a cab and was soon happy to be in bed, sandwiched between my two foster dogs. Before getting into bed, however, I inexplicably found myself on my knees, praying. Yes, praying. I prayed for the strength to get through the summer and seeing my ex every day…for his happiness and my release from whatever sick, hypnotic spell I’ve been under for the past five years… (Because even today I’m still struggling with the stories, both Friday’s and one contained in a heartfelt email from yet another woman who was mesmerized by this man. What is it about narcissists?) Anyway, I called upon the universe — or anyone else who might’ve been listening — to give me a hand, show me the way and, eventually, help me to find love again. With someone who is capable of loving me back. Pray for me, too, won’t you?

Cheating Penises

Ashley Madison is providing me with non-stop high hilarity! If it isn’t some shlub in suburbia trying to convince me that he can really show me a good time, it’s yet another unhappily married 20-something charming me with the tired line “age is just a number.” Far-flung frustrated husbands who are planning a trip to New York City “in the future” attempt to book my oh-so-in-demand time months in advance. Illiterate military men and mono-syllabic muscle heads actually believe we have something in common. Guys with screen names like “slowhand,” “loveto69” and “meontop” let me know that “I have an admirer” in between winks and hearts and virtual emerald necklaces. It’s more amusing than a sitcom!

But probably the best thing about the site is its never-ending parade of penises! They don’t just pop up, unexpected or unannounced. Oh no! You’ve gotta work for them! Most men on AM don’t even post their pathetic, pixelated likenesses. You’ve got to be given cyber-key access to their private albums. Some guys are so shy that clicking on their key brings up…yes, pathetic pixelated shots, usually taken from 50 paces, rendering them…unrecognizable. Guess that’s for the best if their wives suspect they’re trolling the internet for “discreet affairs!”

The bolder guys show you their faces right up front. Their keys might lead you to the dreaded “check out my ripped abs” self portraits. (Or their not-so-ripped abs! Hah!) But the really “ballsy” dudes have additional “rated” photos that require an extra click beyond their secret key. Guess what’s usually in there? That’s right! Hard cock!

Now you, my dear readers, know that I am far from being a prude! You also know that I personally prefer a little mystery. What the hell are these guys thinking? Do they believe that one glimpse of their magical love wands will so enchant me that I won’t be able to resist a rendezvous with them at the first possible moment? That I’ll be on my knees, salivating at the idea of unzipping their flies, mere seconds after we’ve met?

As one might expect, there aren’t too many embarrassing members on display. If you’re less-than-well-endowed, you probably aren’t eager to advertise the fact. (Unless you’re like my new friend Little Dick!) So yes, all these online erections are certainly impressive. And perhaps there are, indeed, women out there who only want to see what might be the eventual “goods.” Though I would also assume that along with their enthusiasm for these guys’ goods, they’re equally eager to get into their wallets. I’ve already heard tales of women who make no “bones” about their desire to be someone’s sugar baby, expressing interest in the regular ol’ quid pro quo arrangement of “You take care of me and I’ll take care of you!” Yeah, you and your GIANT COCK! Hahahahahah!

To prove my point, right in the middle of my writing this post, I checked my inbox and a somewhat homely gentleman whose advances I had gently turned down made his last “stab” with: “You need to be inspired? hmmm…I have a webcam…I think I can inspire you…I look MUCH better than pics…and I have certain qualities I’m confident you wouldn’t dislike too often…
so..you just never know…”

My response? “If you’re saying you have a huge cock, I’m currently blogging about how pathetic that is. It means nothing.
Seriously. Get a grip.
I am inspired by a lot of things. A hard-on isn’t one of them.”

The sad thing about all this is that I bet if these idiots emailed their wives pictures of their hard cocks, of them fervently masturbating in front of the bathroom mirror, it might actually spice up their supposedly dull married sex lives. But what the hell do I know?

I’ll leave you with this brief, blurry, almost flip-book like series of action shots that one gentlemen was thoughtful enough to share with me. Enjoy!


Is It True What They Say…About Ashley Madison Men?

So I’ve been on Ashley Madison for over a week now and the emails have been piling up. They are, quite literally, all over the map: 21-year-olds to 67-year-olds, San Diego to Ontario and everywhere in between. My initial observations still stand: most of the men are married, as one might expect, and most of those married men are both taller and better looking than the motley selection of single dudes on other dating sites. General behavior is markedly more paranoid and evasive, no doubt a symptom of sneaking.

The site goes back and forth on letting me respond to my admirers for free, either cutting me off completely while waiting for my profile to be “approved” or informing me that I need to purchase credits. I’m not sure if the site is buggy or if their tech is just crap. They extended 25 free credits after what I’m assuming was my complimentary grace period yet now I intermittently seem to have more. No notice of when or why I have more, just sometimes when I hit “reply” my message is magically delivered while other times it is sent “collect,” an embarrassing situation I’d prefer to avoid.

I’ve already managed to meet up with two men in person and neither of them are married. Of course, neither is technically single, either. I’ll change their names, to make it all seem more mysterious:

“Dave” is a tall, dark and handsome former professional athlete from suburban Long Island who is going through a divorce. He has a great sense of humor, seemed to be entertained by me and was generous to a fault: he not only treated me to a bunch of yummy purple margaritas, he bought rounds for my friends as well. (The plan was to meet him for a few cocktails before I was meeting my pals and he wound up hanging out. Don’t want anyone to think I invited him to a group gathering expecting him to carry all of us!) He wasn’t in the least bit sad-sack and genuinely enthused, “Abby, you are living!” which cracked me up. Yes, indeed, I am! He eventually bumbled off to dinner with a friend but neglected to follow up with a “nice meeting you” email or anything else. I sent one to him and he responded with a very brief and non-committal communiqué, so I’ll assume that I won’t be seeing him again. Either, upon sober reflection, my “living” life frightened him off or he’s not as deep into that divorce as he said he was. Who knows? I enjoyed his company and didn’t have to pay to get drunk! Huzzah!

“Jim” immediately struck my fancy. His profile listed him as “attached” but he didn’t seem over-eager to jump into bed, sounding more like a businessman stuck in the city in search of someone with whom to share dinner and perhaps a few laughs. Easy enough! We met at a new neighborhood restaurant and he was even better looking in person than he’d been online. Tall, dark, distinguished touch of grey at the temples and great teeth! Fantastic smile, too! His story turned out to be that he’s divorced but seeing someone and they’re both just…bored. Seems to be a common affliction. Surprise! Anyway…at least I wasn’t gonna be cast in the “other woman, dreaded home-wrecker” role… His sexual history was a hoot as well: Catholic schoolboy-cum-college student loses his virginity to a married 40-something Mrs. Robinson and they carry on a torrid four-year affair! She teaches him “things that still work!” Whoa, baby! Sounds good to me!

We immediately fell into an easy and engaging conversation — the perfect balance of banter — and agreed on beers, tapas and just about everything else! He interjected a few suggestive asides but, rather than being off-putting, they were wryly delivered and therefor surprisingly welcomed. He was animated and intelligent and earnestly seemed to find me “really interesting.” When he leaned in for a quick kiss, with the somewhat chestnut-ty “Sorry, I couldn’t resist any longer,” even that was perfectly timed. We had a couple of beers and a lot of laughs — the perfect date — and when he walked me home there were more than a few absolutely amazing kisses. I can’t really explain why I didn’t drag his ass upstairs into my apartment. Sigh. I blamed my reluctance on the messy foster dog situation but maybe the situation itself just felt a bit too…cliché. It’s really a horse I need to get back on and ride, if you’ll forgive the hackneyed phraseology. Next time I’ll force myself! Giddyup! Stay tuned!

Unique Theater Experience to Debut in West Chelsea

I wrote this for NearSay.com. Love them!

NearSay has just gotten word about an exciting new theatrical experience that will soon be taking place in West Chelsea. New York City-based production company, Emursive, is bringing the internationally acclaimed theatre team Punchdrunk’s premiere show, ‘Sleep No More’ to the Big Apple. Opening night is March 7th, 2011.

Their press release reveals a few tantalizing hints: “A legendary hotel… Shakespeare’s fallen hero… A film noir shadow of suspense… Punchdrunk’s ‘Sleep No More’ is an award-winning theatrical experience that tells Shakespeare’s classic tragedy.”

I was fortunate to be among a group that was given a preview tour of the recently re-appointed space. Formerly Twilo and Spirit nightclubs, as well as psychedelic artist Alex Grey‘s Chapel of Sacred Mirrors, over 300 into artisans have totally transformed the six-floor venue into “The McKittrick Hotel.” More than 100 rooms will amuse and confuse theatre guests, including a hotel lobby, lounges that will serve alcohol, trompe l’oeil extravagances and many other impressive feats of set-building. The sweeping installation is nothing short of incredible.

More from their press release that I can’t explain better myself: “Since 2000, Punchdrunk has pioneered a game-changing form of immersive theatre in which roaming audiences experience epic storytelling inside sensory theatrical worlds. The company’s infectious format rejects the passive obedience usually expected of audiences.”

In other words, the experience will be unlike anything you’ve ever attended on Broadway – or any other theatre. “Free to encounter the installed environment in an individual, imaginative journey, the choice of what to watch and where to go is theirs alone,” the producers invite you, adding that “audience members are encouraged to move freely through the epic world of the story at their own pace, choosing where to go and what to see.” This free-form format ensures that “everyone’s journey will be unique.” Guests wishing to view the entire production may need to return a number times or more and take a different route each visit. And perhaps even better than presenting a new and unique way to enjoy theater, the show will employ potentially dozens of actors!

Book in advance and be the first among your friends to experience all the surprises! Tickets and more information about the show can be found at their web site. And for more information about Punchdrunk theatre company:www.punchdrunk.org.uk.

Sleep No More
The McKittrick Hotel
530 West 27th Street