I’ve got a few less than positive passages in my OKCupid profile. I warn men not to contact me if they aren’t near me geographically or chronologically, if they don’t have a photo posted or if they’re married (from whence the “it’s not OKGetMyDickWet” line came, which inspired much virtual venom and nasty comments). I mention these things because it’s easier to say what I don’t want than what I do. I can pretty safely assume that I wouldn’t get along too well with anyone who considers “God and faith” to be an important part of their lives, who can’t spell or punctuate, or who doesn’t know the difference between “your” and you’re.” But as I’ve said before, I have no idea what I do want.
OKCupid lets its users know about recent “Activity” and today it led me to a profile that really resonated with me. I don’t meet the man’s stringent requirements, not by a long shot. But his adamance about not wasting time — his or anyone else’s — as well as the language he uses to express his preferences, sounded oddly familiar:
You should message me if:
You’re free, fit, amazingly intelligent and willing to meet someone new, which I assume is true or you wouldn’t be on this site.
If you know that “easygoing” is one word, know that you don’t put spaces before commas, never write “lol,” don’t use the phrase “soul mate,” don’t list shopping and food among the six things you can’t do without, and don’t say you’re “___ years young,” you may be my type. If otherwise, look elsewhere. The same goes if you say you’re still “trying to figure it all out” at any age above 40. (By the way, if you’re over 40 and any part of your screen name has “girl” or “gurl” in it, I’m gonna wonder about the degree to which your development has been arrested.)
If your profile pic is of you holding your cell phone in front of a bathroom mirror and you have that weird, empty stare while looking at its screen, I’ll think less of you. Sounds fussy? You bet! I’m not a beggar, I’m a chooser, and I’m much too busy dating several women at the moment to waste my time on someone who doesn’t match me completely. It looks as if I’ll be deciding soon whether to make things exclusive with one particularly stunning, fascinating woman, so I’ve got to focus.
Seriously. That sounds like I could’ve written it! Of course, he mentions having received quite a bit of negative feedback. He’s been accused of being “arrogant” and “condescending.” I’m not surprised. People only want to hear about the sunshine and lollipops. This guy can sling the snark but he’s obviously smart and successful and doesn’t need to settle. Or be nice to every woman who emails him. (Though he was very nice to me!) I bet if the genders were reversed he wouldn’t have gone on half the dates I have in the never-ending attempt to give everyone the benefit of the doubt.
So should I delete all my “don’ts”? Should I switch to the sunshine and lollipops? Or is brutal honesty the way to go? I think I’ll stick with the somewhat negative. And hope that there are enough guys out there who’ll “get” me.
Read the rest of this gentleman’s profile here, especially if you’re a female between 38 and 54 living somewhere near Philadelphia, PA!