Tag Archives: Match.com

Mean or Mannerless?

Thank heavens I’m in this phase of creativity overdrive because my usual distraction, the online dating world, has been woefully underwhelming. As I posted recently, my numbers on Match.com aren’t very inspiring. I won’t bother whining about the boring, bald, chubby or functionally illiterate. What’s the point? But I will tell you about a few email exchanges that have left me wondering if either a. all the men I’m matched with are having much better luck or b. they simply don’t have any manners.

One guy has his location listed as Yonkers when he is, in fact (or says he currently is), in Portland, with plans to move to New York in the future. We exchanged a few pleasant experiences and his last note to me ended with his email address and this: let’s stay connected via email if you leave the sight. yep, my nickname is chip.
I can tell i like your personality and you are fun and chill. 

Okay, so the fact that the guy can’t spell “site” might be a deal breaker but I’ve loosened up on my…standards. It’d be nice if he’d just either make a date but I suppose that’s not so easy when you’re 3,000 miles away.

I mentioned Parrothead in my previous post. He mentioned St. Patrick’s Day in his profile as well as bemoaning women who are so old they barely have a pulse. (Man, don’t I know how that feels!) He sounded…reasonable. To refresh your memory, our complete correspondence history:

Hi!
I have enough of a pulse for a dozen people. Fifty if they’re knitting.
Long time Buffet fan. Have numerous outfits for St. Patrick’s Day. Is your local parade the same day as the big one?
Do you ever make it into Manhattan? Would love to have a beer with you!
Abby

always nice to hear from a fellow parrothead, I get into the city every once in while, but am an island kid at heart, I have outfits for st patricks day also, tux for our parade which is alway the 2nd sun in march , take the train out one year you’ll love our parade there are so many bars along the route.
bob

Thanks for replying, Bob.
Best of luck in your search.
A

But then after I’d posted about it, I thought that maybe perhaps this was his shy (awkward) way of inviting me out to his parade. I decided I’d give him another try:

Okay, sorry to bother you but I had to ask…
Was your last email an invitation or a blow-off?
It’s so very difficult to discern what people mean here. I don’t want to misunderstand.
Any insight would be greatly appreciated.
Abby

to be honest with you I don’t remember ever conversing

Well, that pretty much says it all, I guess.
Best of luck to you!
Abby

Now, is it me, or would it have been SUCH A BOTHER for this guy to LOOK IN HIS MOTHERFUCKING INBOX? To perhaps, oh, I dunno, READ THE EMAIL I SENT HIM? Maybe refer to what I’d sent him? So he could SEE our “conversing?” HOW HARD IS THAT? Did he grow up in a fucking test tube? Has he had NO interaction with women? Ever? Okay, granted, he probably isn’t my type. He 56, lives on Long Island and likes to golf and, apparently, never comes into the city, even though he lists “museums in the city” as one of his interests. So no, not the man of my dreams. But how could he so easily — and rudely — dismiss me? Does he have NO feelings at all? Jeebus. Should I write him and tell him what a rude asshole he is? Yeah, I think I will!

You wrote:
“to be honest with you I don’t remember ever conversing”
I’m not sure if you’re aware, but it’s fairly simple to check your inbox for previously received correspondence.
Or did you mean to dismiss me so rudely?
Online dating is so difficult. We’re all bravely putting ourselves out there. It isn’t that hard to be polite. A simple “I’m not interested” suffices if you are, in fact, not interested. You complain right in your profile about women looking you over and moving on to someone else when they could meet you, a “nice funny guy.” I haven’t met you but thus far you haven’t been very nice.
Again, best of luck to you in your search. Perhaps YOU will continue to pass over “nice, funny women” and wind up dating women who’ll treat you like shit.

There! Hah! The pathetic cyber equivalent of throwing a glass of wine in his face!

Even more troublesome than the (somewhat expected) assholery and social awkwardness is the phenomenon of disappearing dudes. They “like” a photo or send me a “wink” and by the time I notice and go to check out their profiles, they’ve vanished. What happened? Did they visit my profile and then miraculously find true love? Chicken out? Or maybe their subscription expired mere moments after finding me? I guess I’ll never know about Kindman from Kentucky or OUTSTANDING in New Jersey. Not a huge loss. I suppose you’ve guessed by now that I’ll be allowing my subscription to March.come expire…

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Match…less

Well it’s been a while since I was booted, quite unceremoniously, from OKCupid. No note, no reason why. Just blocked. Banned. Booted. Boo! So I decided I’d spring for a pay site and joined Match.com.

In the three weeks I’ve been a “member,” my profile has been viewed by 244 potential dates. I’ve received seven “winks” but “favorited” by only  two. I’ve sent out 78 emails but received only 36. That’s less than half. In the “Daily Matches” section, I’ve expressed interest in 21 men while only four are interested in me. So the numbers aren’t exactly encouraging. Any of them.

I haven’t been “overreaching” at all. I swear. I’ve approached men who are age-appropriate and less than movie star handsome. I’m not searching specifically in Manhattan and Brooklyn, even if I somewhat believe that where you live says a lot about who you are. I send innocuous messages. Many men don’t reply at all. Yeah, I know; don’t reply if you aren’t interested, it only makes it worse. Frankly I’d prefer a brief “I’m not interested” to nothing at all. It at least lets me know that my email was received. One man’s reply was “This is least scary.” I was reading it on my phone and wasn’t sure what he meant. When I looked on my laptop I discovered he was referring to one of my photos, finding it “least scary.” Wouldn’t it have been more polite to say he wasn’t interested? I emailed “Parrothead” in Huntington (which is about an hour from the city) because, yes, I’m a closet Buffett fan. I divulged my secret, inquired about his sartorial choices for St. Patrick’s Day and asked if he ever gets into Manhattan. His response: “always nice to hear from a fellow parrothead, I get into the city every once in while, but am an island kid at heart, I have outfits for st patricks day also, tux for our parade which is alway the 2nd sun in march , take the train out one year you’ll love our parade there are so many bars along the route. bob” Gee, thanks, Bob. I guess he’s hoping to find the woman of his dreams within a 10 block radius of his suburban fortress. Perhaps I should’ve pursued his somewhat obtuse invitation? Who knows…

My profile is rather bland, as compared with my OKCupid profile, which perhaps said a bit too much. I dialed back my effusiveness and didn’t post anything that could be construed as negative. Mind you I didn’t go overboard and talk about romantic walks on the beach or not having any baggage. Why people waste their bits and bytes blathering on about that shit is beyond me. But I digress…

There are many differences between OKCupid and Match, most importantly that it seems men are more serious about a “relationship” than merely shopping for sex. The interface isn’t as much fun, though ever since Match.com bought OKCupid the two are slowly becoming more alike. There are way more “I’m laid back and easy going” self descriptions on Match, which is a reflection of fewer creative types. There are also more men using ALL CAPS or Capitalizing Every Word that may indicate lower IQs or less tech savviness (or both). Match’s annoying IM pops up constantly and not once has there been a photo of the guy trying to “chat” with me. They all say the exact same thing, which makes me think they aren’t real people at all but some sort of bot/scam.

I’ve gone out on two dates from Match, both of which were what I would call successful. I’m not sure if that’s due to my scaled back expectations or a higher quality of man. Or if I’ve simply become a better dater, which I think I have. Anything’s bound to improve with practice, right?

One gentleman was better looking in person, a rarity, and he was…interesting. I spent most of the date nodding, smiling and asking questions, which is what “they” say to do. Over the three hours we spent together, he hardly stopped speaking long enough to express much interest in my life. Not a good sign. And when the check came for his cocktail and my two beers, he expected me to pay for my drinks. I didn’t have enough cash for both beers and asked if he minded paying for one. (?!?!) As I emptied my wallet, he said it was fine and that it gave us an excuse to  meet again, which he seemed excited about, since I now “owed” him one. Ummm… He picked the place, which wasn’t cheap. Am I being a diva to expect to have both my beers paid for? Is chivalry completely dead? I do my best to be a cheap date. Anyway.

Bachelor #2 was way more fun and far more chivalrous. So much so that I won’t go on about it here. (And no, he didn’t come home with me!) However it did give me hope. I’d like to meet more men, if only to get my $80 worth, but thus far no one seems terribly enticed by me. I’m leaning toward giving up on the whole online dating thing. And yes, I know I’ve said that before. It will be easier in the spring, when things start to get busy and I travel a bit. The summer is even easier, when I head back out to the desert. I think maybe it’s time to leave love to fate rather than trusting the interwebz. Le Sigh.