Tag Archives: losers

Flattery vs. Insanity

Chatting at the bar yesterday, I told a few folks (friends and strangers alike) that I was considering taking my OKC profile down. It’s been so depressing, between the old men checking me out and nothing coming of the men who do write. I had a date on Tuesday who cancelled, saying he was stuck at the office. Perhaps. But it’s just as likely that he chickened out. It’s also difficult dealing with insults from men who I wouldn’t even consider. That situation culminated with Mr. Meh, of Monday’s “A Meh-n of Few Words.”

And then, today. Mr. Military Nutjob, resident of Miami, Florida (but still “in war zone”), emails me:

hey long time do still have interest in me??

I respond:
Did I ever? You live too far away!

Our back and forth continued thusly:

yea i like you so much and i know we are going to be together forever i believe that so much just give me change in your heart and let me bring joy and hapiness and everlasting love i like you so much
can i have your IM so that we can chat and know more about each other

Are you kidding me?
How can you say that? You don’t even know me.
I don’t have an IM.
And you live in FLORIDA!

am telling you how am feeling about you….Am still in war zone but soon i will retired and i will be home to start a new life.so am searching for love so when am done i will be home to be with the one i love and get married.i want you can i have your email.

No.
You’re insane.
Look elsewhere.

i want so much in my life i want to start a new life i want your love
why are doing these i my not handsome cus of am far away thst why you are refusing me

No I am refusing you because you are CRAZY!

me okay you can say whatever to me i dont care i like u

Good bye. You are now BLOCKED.

Uh, yeah. And check out this gem’s profile:

What I’m doing with my life: military
I’m really good at: singing and dacing
The first things people usually notice about me: honest
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food: hip pop [awesome.]
The six things I could never do without: singing ,dancing shooting shouting ,eating [shooting shouting?!?]
I spend a lot of time thinking about: my love
The most private thing I’m willing to admit: loving
Ethnicity: White
Height: 6’10” [6’10”?!?! I think not.]
Body Type: Average
Drinks: Not at all [SO much in common!]
Religion: Christianity and very serious about it [SUPER!]
Job: Military
Speaks: English [barely]
So am I subconsciously still on OKC to receive these insane missives? Do I feel somehow flattered when lunatics make psychotic cyber-passes at me? Are their passes better than the alternative, which is…nothing? Seriously. I’m contemplating paying for sex. Currently accepting applications!

A Meh-n of Few Words

I got an email from a guy on OKC. He describes himself mostly in poetry and mentions having “the depression.”  What he’s doing with his life: “getting old and lonely.” And says women should message him if: “you’ve at least screwed one guy in your life by the second date… you can at least fathom the difference between two positions…” It’s really no wonder he’s single. But then he emailed me, in response, I’ll assume, to my having visited his profile. And what bon mots did this man have for me? Well, only one bon mot, actually:

meh

I politely responded:

Thanks for the feedback, Joe.
Best of luck to you in your search.
Abby

But I have to ask. What. The. FUCK? Why even burn the three calories it took to type out those three letters? If he wasn’t interested why not just carry on with his pathetic little life? Er, big life. Big, pudgy, overweight life! I couldn’t decide which of his two profile photos were more chubsterrific so I’ll post both. Um, yeah.