Tag Archives: infidelity

Emotionally Trying Friday

I took the weekend off. I’ve been regarding this blog as my job, since I don’t really have one. And I needed a rest. It was a very peculiar and somewhat trying Friday, followed by a bunch of fun on Saturday. This is gonna be a long one…in fact, I’m gonna break it into two separate posts…I’ll start with my emotionally draining Friday the 13th.

I had lunch plans with The Poet. We’d been exchanging involved emails discussing complex issues that I thought would be best communicated about live, so I was looking forward to it. We dug into the deep stuff right away. I told him about my “date” the previous evening with another Ashley Madison man. Yeah, I’d “retired” from that but this guy was already “in the pipeline,” so I’d agreed to meet him. I shared with The Poet how this guy, still married, had already had a three-year relationship but remained with his wife. I was baffled. We covered a lot of difficult territory, most of which is so personal that there’s no point in sharing it here. We briefly touched on coincidences and the concept of “there are no accidents.” Strange… On our previous lunch date I was almost in tears a few times. This particular day it was The Poet whose eyes welled up. As we parted, he said I’d given him a lot to think about.

By the end of our lunch, and a conversation that continued in the park, I was pretty exhausted. But I had made plans to meet a DPW friend visiting NYC. I was a little leery about getting together with the guy because he works on the same crew as my ex. It makes me uncomfortable to let people into my life who might share information about me with him. Not that it matters, I suppose, since he’s let me know that he reads this blog. Which in itself is creepy. Anyway. You, dear readers, know what I’ve been going through, at least over these past few months I’ve been writing this…Bloggers don’t have too many secrets, I guess.

My friend Sandra came over around 6. “What does this ex-boyfriend of yours look like?” she asked, completely out of the blue. I have a few pix on my hard drive and showed those to her, then said, “Oh, there are some more recent ones on Facebook.” When I clicked on those I thought it odd that he was no longer “tagged” in the photos but figured he must’ve “un-tagged” himself. Whatever.

Sandra and I went to 2A, where my DPW friend joined us for drinks and popcorn. A few beers in, he flashed his phone at me: an email from my ex to their crew list. “Why are you showing me that?” I asked, puzzled. “I thought you guys were okay,” he said, quickly putting his phone back in his pocket when he saw the look on my face. “No, we aren’t okay,” I told him. He immediately apologized and generally felt lousy. Over the next few hours a rather ugly and disappointing story came out.

This man had been seeing a woman for over a year. She and my ex had been “hanging out” recently, but the ex assured my friend, “You’ve got nothing to worry about, dude,” and claiming, “There’s nothing going on.” A week before he left on this trip that brought him to NYC, he took this woman to a party attended by many of his crew friends, including my ex. She had spent the night before with my friend, at his place. Within an hour of arriving at the party, my friend wondered where his date had gone. The woman at whose house the party was being held said, “I’ll show you.” This guy followed her, along with a few other fellow crew members, as she opened a bedroom door to reveal my ex fucking this guy’s date. Apparently everyone found this to be most amusing, since they all laughed.

Okay. I know I’ve been asking this a lot lately, but WHAT THE FUCK IS THE MATTER WITH PEOPLE? How many horrible things are wrong with this picture? Aside from my personal feelings about it all — and, hey, I have NO claims on my ex….none — as one human to another, who would do such a shitty thing? Lie to a friend. Fuck his date. In the middle of a party. And the woman who led the guy to see this? What on earth was she thinking? Is humiliating a friend some new sort of sport? Everyone who laughed? Is the embarrassment of someone you care for funny? It all makes me ill.

Well, having received his news I was, surprisingly, not nearly as upset as I would’ve thought I’d be. I’m already staring down a summer where I’m assuming I’ll have to see this dreaded ex at three meals a day. It will now be easier. It made me wonder, though, about his photos being “un-tagged” so I checked Facebook. He is not only no longer my “friend,” he has “blocked” me. I feel like a 12-year-old even talking about this but Facebook seems to encourage junior high-like behavior. Blocking is a pretty aggressive move and, in this case, was totally unnecessary, as I began “hiding” his posts, so I wouldn’t see any of them, way back in November. I hadn’t looked at his page for months. Again, whatever.

My friends are in agreement that this news — and the ex’s rather douchebaggy behavior — was a gift, a first step down the road toward finally falling out of love with him. I’ve repeatedly tried to be his friend, only to be shown, sadly, how lousy he is at being a friend. This skeezy scenario only reinforces my opinion. It won’t be pretty having to see the guy but at least being able to hold that tableau in my mind any time I think I still have feelings for him will be a big help. Onward!

Another Asshole: Updated

As I was bloggedy-blogging away about dick pix on Ashley Madison, right in the middle of my writing I checked my inbox and a somewhat homely gentleman whose advances I had gently turned down was making his last “stab” at wooing me. Here’s how our conversation went:

“Call me.”

“Umm, as charming and convincing as that come-on is, I have to ask for a bit more. Like maybe your name. And your phone number. And maybe why I should call you.”

“Sorry LOL You can email me at XXXX or call me at XXX-XXX-XXXX. My name is XXX. I think we’d have fun.”

Could you perhaps email me a photo, so I know who I’m communicating with?”

“There are pix of me on there.”

Me (after looking at his photos):
“Um, okay, thank you…but I don’t feel suitably inspired. Best of luck to you!”

“You need to be inspired? hmmm…I have a webcam…I think I can inspire you…I look MUCH better than pics…and I have certain qualities I’m confident you wouldn’t dislike too often…so..you just never know…”

“If you’re saying you have a huge cock, I’m currently blogging about how pathetic that is. It means nothing.
Seriously. Get a grip.
I am inspired by a lot of things. A hard-on isn’t one of them.”

“Sometimes the Italian language is inspiring. Get your mind out of the gutter. LOL”

When I didn’t respond immediately, he volleyed back with:
“You’re 51? I’m not inspired…forget it….LOLOL Yup…too old….(doesn’t it feel so nice when someone judges you based on one factor?)….very nice….luv it”

And my retort:
“Hahahahah! You are HILARIOUS! Didn’t you see how old I was before you emailed me? Or do you just email everyone and hope for the best?

Unfortunately I can’t figure out how to block people on the damn site. Bah! I was sure he’d been sufficiently blown off, but NOOOOO! He couldn’t keep quiet. He had to add this gem:

“No sense of humor? I was teasing…see…true colors come out… I could have said OLD, fat and ugly but I didn’t…lol
Too bad you take yourself SO seriously….

Let’s see if he feels compelled to keep contacting me…

Cheating Penises

Ashley Madison is providing me with non-stop high hilarity! If it isn’t some shlub in suburbia trying to convince me that he can really show me a good time, it’s yet another unhappily married 20-something charming me with the tired line “age is just a number.” Far-flung frustrated husbands who are planning a trip to New York City “in the future” attempt to book my oh-so-in-demand time months in advance. Illiterate military men and mono-syllabic muscle heads actually believe we have something in common. Guys with screen names like “slowhand,” “loveto69” and “meontop” let me know that “I have an admirer” in between winks and hearts and virtual emerald necklaces. It’s more amusing than a sitcom!

But probably the best thing about the site is its never-ending parade of penises! They don’t just pop up, unexpected or unannounced. Oh no! You’ve gotta work for them! Most men on AM don’t even post their pathetic, pixelated likenesses. You’ve got to be given cyber-key access to their private albums. Some guys are so shy that clicking on their key brings up…yes, pathetic pixelated shots, usually taken from 50 paces, rendering them…unrecognizable. Guess that’s for the best if their wives suspect they’re trolling the internet for “discreet affairs!”

The bolder guys show you their faces right up front. Their keys might lead you to the dreaded “check out my ripped abs” self portraits. (Or their not-so-ripped abs! Hah!) But the really “ballsy” dudes have additional “rated” photos that require an extra click beyond their secret key. Guess what’s usually in there? That’s right! Hard cock!

Now you, my dear readers, know that I am far from being a prude! You also know that I personally prefer a little mystery. What the hell are these guys thinking? Do they believe that one glimpse of their magical love wands will so enchant me that I won’t be able to resist a rendezvous with them at the first possible moment? That I’ll be on my knees, salivating at the idea of unzipping their flies, mere seconds after we’ve met?

As one might expect, there aren’t too many embarrassing members on display. If you’re less-than-well-endowed, you probably aren’t eager to advertise the fact. (Unless you’re like my new friend Little Dick!) So yes, all these online erections are certainly impressive. And perhaps there are, indeed, women out there who only want to see what might be the eventual “goods.” Though I would also assume that along with their enthusiasm for these guys’ goods, they’re equally eager to get into their wallets. I’ve already heard tales of women who make no “bones” about their desire to be someone’s sugar baby, expressing interest in the regular ol’ quid pro quo arrangement of “You take care of me and I’ll take care of you!” Yeah, you and your GIANT COCK! Hahahahahah!

To prove my point, right in the middle of my writing this post, I checked my inbox and a somewhat homely gentleman whose advances I had gently turned down made his last “stab” with: “You need to be inspired? hmmm…I have a webcam…I think I can inspire you…I look MUCH better than pics…and I have certain qualities I’m confident you wouldn’t dislike too often…
so..you just never know…”

My response? “If you’re saying you have a huge cock, I’m currently blogging about how pathetic that is. It means nothing.
Seriously. Get a grip.
I am inspired by a lot of things. A hard-on isn’t one of them.”

The sad thing about all this is that I bet if these idiots emailed their wives pictures of their hard cocks, of them fervently masturbating in front of the bathroom mirror, it might actually spice up their supposedly dull married sex lives. But what the hell do I know?

I’ll leave you with this brief, blurry, almost flip-book like series of action shots that one gentlemen was thoughtful enough to share with me. Enjoy!

Promise of an Affair Cures Influenza! Call Kathie Lee!

Okay, so I went to the doctor this morning. I’d been feeling lousy for so long I thought something must be seriously amiss. Not so! After a phalanx of tests — boy, did I get my $20 worth! — the very nice man told me that although he was trying his best, he simply couldn’t find anything wrong with me. Oh, there is plenty wrong with me. But apparently I am incredibly healthy! He assured me that whatever was plaguing me was no doubt viral and that it would soon disappear. And he told me to schedule a colonoscopy. Ah the joys of being over 50!

While I was in the waiting room, I watched Hoda and Kathie Lee do a piece on AshleyMadison, a site with the (original) intent of assisting married people with having affairs. Or, as the reporter so aptly put it, “for aspiring adulterers.” Their guests were Jeff Gardere, a pyschologist, and Editor-in-Chief of Redbook, Jill Herzig.

Gardere finds the site “morally reprehensible” and I’m not going to even bother weighing in on the virtue of any web site since the internet is, and always has been, essentially one enormous singles’ bar. Especially since I got home and immediately joined the site!

I was given the option of selecting “Attached female seeking males” or “Single female seeking males,” quickly putting lie to the talk show hostesses’ claim that “you must be in a committed relationship” to become a “member.” Within an hour I’d received over a dozen “winks” and more than 50 emails, including many “Access to Private Showcase” keys, some of which included, yes, photos of penises. Sigh. In what universe do women actually find this enticing? Is it just me? What happened to the mystery and the magic? If I’m gonna conduct an affair with someone, can’t his cock be a surprise? I digress…

There are also, not surprisingly, loads of bare chest portraits. I suppose if you’re cheating on your wife, it’s best not to put your face right out there. But those oh-so-easily ogle-able “private showcase” shots aren’t what I’d call discreet. If you had even an inkling that your husband — or wife — were on AshleyMadison, it wouldn’t be very hard to find them.

Herzig expressed surprise that so many men seemed to be searching for “a connection,” for that initial thrill of the new, that “passing notes in class” excitement. Really. Now what on earth would make anyone want romance and passion and new and exciting? No idea. Yeah, gimme some more of that no-thanks-honey, roll over and fart, the thrill is gone, will ya please! Holy shit! Is she kidding? How does she think romance novels, womens’ magazines (like her own, for instance), porn publications and countless advice columnists have managed to stay in business for so many decades? Not to mention sex toy shops! If someone figured out how to bottle that “passing notes in class” passion, they’d be rich!

But back to the site and my potential suitors. Succumbing to a last-minute ethical panic attack, I’d decided not to lie about my marital status and signed on as a “single female,” but the assumption is, I suppose, that most of the men on the site are attached. And lemme tell ya, for good reason! Every guy who has emailed me — or at least as many as I’ve managed to view so far — is over 6′ tall and handsome as hell! Even the distinguished older gentleman who I gently rejected wore his tuxedo well.

Though not everyone posts pix and without the benefit of photos, I am leery about the veracity of the mens’ stats when so many of them claim to be 6’2″ and 210 pounds. Um, why all so similar? But let’s not burst my fantasy bubble too quickly! And it wouldn’t be a hook-up site without the unbeatable treat of some lame-ass 18-year-old offering to show me a good time: “Im steve and well i could show you a couple of things …maybe some butt smacking hair pulling or whatever your into , reply if interested” [sic] Yeah, so much for fantasy…

Getting back to my ethical quandary: Do I date these married dudes? Is it bad karma to be “the other woman?”  On TODAY, the reporter interviewed a newly-married couple who’d met on, yes, Ashley Madison! Well, why not? At the time they were both unhappily married to other people but now they’ve found marital bliss with each other. For the time being, at least… What if I should sit down for one of those mythical discreet dinners with some sad sack married man who subsequently falls madly in love with me? Would being a home wrecker be so bad if it meant eternal happiness for me, me, ME? I can’t say it would keep me up at night.

And given that the original purpose of the site was to, basically, facilitate lying, who’s to say that any of this is true? All these guys could be single and looking for NSA flings where they have an “excuse” to never introduce you to their friends, spend holidays with you or take you home at night. Not a bad deal if all you want in return is potential candlelit dinners, sexy lingerie shopping sprees and bedpost-slammin’ sex.

I actually know someone who has been on Ashley Madison for a while. She cheated on her (very handsome and talented and perfectly lovely) husband for years with all manner of strange men and wore her scandalously expensive lingerie as a badge of honor. They are now separated and I’m not sure if she’s still shopping…for boudoir ensembles or men. But I’ll admit, the idea of someone taking me to Agent Provocateur for a pair of lacy panties sounds like a damn good time to me! And I couldn’t blame this woman for her infidelity. The heart (and, obviously, the genitals) wants what it (they) want!

Noel Biderman, President of Ashley Madison, was part of the TODAY piece and his opinion that monogamy is on the wane is debatable. I certainly know dozens of people who are living what most would consider “alt” lifestyles. But is marriage a thing of the past? I think not. At least not yet.

I realize this topic — or topics, actually — cannot be encapsulated, especially in this somewhat sprawling blog post. It is a juicy one, though! And it’s really all just further fodder for my online dating odyssey. Okay, I’ve got some emails to answer! Stay tuned!