Tag Archives: dating over 50

Tinder…But No Sparks

So in between all the bar stuff I’ve been doing, I’ve still been dating. I’m no longer using OKCupid. I’ve moved on to Tinder. I was hoping that it would offer more immediacy but, well, New Yorkers are busy people. Instead of instant gratification, which is how its gay predecessor worked (hot guy nearby, click, match, blowjob!), it seems to be the same as all the dating sites: much back-and-forth and multiple opportunities for misunderstandings and miscommunications. The most irritating aspect of this app is that people can disappear. Or in the current vernacular, “ghost.” You can be having a conversation one minute and then, moments later, the “match” can be gone, with no record of your having ever communicated. But that’s also a bonus; if someone is offensive or rude, all it takes is a quick “unmatch” and, poof, they’re gone. Even more odd, they can show up again in your match pool. You’d think the algorithm would know you’d already unmatched the person. Sigh. Technology.

Many of the men live in random suburbs, having married and moved away to raise their kids. Now they find themselves living in crappy apartments and making an unnecessary commute from nowheresville. I’ve enjoyed just about everyone I’ve met yet no one has managed to inspire my dormant libido. A few have been outright crazies, as this gentleman below. All typos and weird returns as originally communicated:

You have no idea.

I suppose I don’t.

Detest texting. 213-269-XXXX. My abmition as of this morning is to fuck a girl who might vote for Trump – that isn’t you but happy to have a drink. 213-268-XXX (213 is correct)

Does that mean I’m supposed to call you? I don’t want to disturb your Trump-voter-fucking. (He clicked on the little green heart to indicate that he “liked” that response, I suppose.)

If I can change one vote w
If I can change one vote…ready to sacrifice myself for country.
I’m ready to sacrifice myself for my country.

I’ll be in the downstairs party room of Jimmy’s BBQ tonight after 6 if you’re free.
Union Square, 16th Street.

If I can make it I will. I’ll look for you.

Are you able to make it tonight?
(Five hours later…) Guess not. Hope you found your Trumpet!

Hey Girl – bad day and Sorry. Feel flimsy no such hero ankle deep sewage of turkey life. Insurance co. refuses to reimburse -vet to supply right Cert. – landlord to leave me
In peace – asst to show up – daughter to get out of bed. And now being praised for fucking Trumpets on Weds before dark? I’m sort of embarrassed. taken for my better so ill hush and wait for Hillary say she killed Vincent foster so Bernie can save us.Ttake a rain check? Id really like that.
Joe

What does that even mean?

Which part? Though I like the “even.”
References to torpid days – and to surviving scandal. As innocent as O J? Sure. All forgotten? Of course.

I don’t know what you’re talking about. The days are not yet torpid.

My day the other day was like that – not the weather. I was looking for a stranger to console me.

I think it’s time to “unmatch” ol’ Joe here!

The best date was with the Colbert stagehand dude (waves hello) who invited me to see Iggy Pop. I think I already wrote about that, didn’t I? Anyway, we had two subsequent dates that I thought were fairly successful (though the second one involved my Manbun Meltdown). I just wish he lived closer. It’s tough to meet up after he finishes work at 8:30 when he has to take a train back to Connecticut. If he were local I think we might be seeing more of each other. I’ve invited him to join me for Brides of March. So we’ll see. I have a feeling that once the bar is up and running, I won’t have the time (or patience) for dating apps. Thank heavens. And who knows? Maybe I’ll meet someone in the real brick-and-mortar world. Er, bar!

Advertisements

Three Tinder Dates in Three Days

Nights, actually.

Yes, I’m off OKCupid. But I’m still online with the Tinder app. I figure, why not use an app that was designed to facilitate immediacy? Well, no surprise that it hasn’t yielded as much of that as I’d hoped. But I have found the men to be slightly more…game.

Thursday evening I met a gentleman from Tinder at the Punk Magazine 40th Anniversary Show at HOWL Happening Gallery. Proving himself to be a true iconoclast, he showed up at the all motorcycle-jackets-and-tight-jeans event in oatmeal-toned Indian garb. It was a frigid night and he was in sandals. Barefoot. Okay, I can groove with your “Oh, I’m so different” deal, dude; I’m different too. We looked at the art, I introduced him to a few people and then we drifted to 2A, where he more than held his own with some of my slightly mouthier friends. I thought we were getting along pretty well, if not spot-on perfectly. I offered him the “It’s probably best not to talk about your ex-wife on a first date” advice and he admitted I was his first. Date. He apologized for texting his daughter and it didn’t bother me. For the first hour. In the end, I’d enjoyed his company. We weren’t much of a match but I would’ve included him in just about any social gathering in the future. (And would’ve loved to introduce him to other women.)  When he left I thought he felt the same. Apparently he didn’t because after a few steps out the door he began texting me somewhat nasty stuff. I responded with a “Dude, go home, you’re drunk” and suggested we communicate in the morning. He’d consumed three pint glasses of double-shot Cuba Libres and I just figured, eh, he’s sloshed. But he kept on. So I unmatched him. Who needs that shit?

Date number two had been arranged for Thursday night and we were gonna meet up, just the two of us, until a friend texted that she’d been served divorce papers. “I need a drink,” she told me. “Join me?” I texted the guy and he had no problem with it. He even said he’d buy her a drink himself. Well he did. A bunch. He bought drinks for me, for her, for her male friend. I don’t think I’ve ever had a date throw that much cash around. I mean, I’ve been on coffee dates where the dude didn’t even pay for my Americano! I am soooo far from a money-freak but man, that was a refreshing change! We had a blast. Truly. He was the most fun date I can remember. In New York, anyway. I was his first date (What is it with me and the just-divorced virgins?!) and his “profile” was the sincere admission “Not sure why I’m on here. Just looking for friendship.” I got no problem with that. I’m hoping he’ll show up at Happy Hour on Wednesday. He asked if he could bring a bunch of his friends. Now that’s what I’m talking about!

And last night I met up with number three. He was just as entertaining and engaging as the others. Smart, interesting…and interested. And there I had it. I could interest and engage. But that may not be such a good thing. Both #2 and #3 were interested enough. Yet I wasn’t. Sure, in friendship. But beyond that. No. I’m not sure I’ll ever feel like having sex again. In the past five years I’ve felt motivated in that direction with exactly three men. And had sex exactly four times. That’s not a lot. It’s actually kinda embarrassing. Especially from a self-admitted former slut. I don’t know how to handle myself. Last night’s date challenged me: If that’s how I feel, why was I bothering? Because I’m an optimist? I keep hoping? I’ve said so many times that meeting in person is the only way to know and then…meeting in person…I’m still left cold. Not by the men but by my libido. Or lack thereof.

I felt physically attracted to someone fairly recently. Someone taller and older and, sadly, 3,000 miles away. Well, he wasn’t at the time. But he is now. So I’m going to maintain my optimism. I’m going to continue hoping. And, quite probably, continue disappointing the men who’ve swiped right in hopes of meeting someone fun and interesting (done and done) and having sex with her (not so done). Surely one of them might be the one?

Happy Almost End of the Year

I hope you all had a wonderful holiday, whatever you celebrated! I was in Paris with my family. Not as amazing as it sounds…since it was quite a bit of togetherness and absolutely zero time to myself. But…it was Paris! So it was beautiful. And unseasonably warm. And free!

Now that I’m back in NYC, I’m poised to sign the paperwork to buy the bar. Last night was the one-year fall-aversary that set this whole thing into motion. A few days into 2016 will be one year since he died. And the only bright spot is this bar. Because his death lit a fire under my ass that should’ve been blazing a long, long time ago.

Once things start moving, they’re gonna move quickly. At least I hope they do! I’ll be taking a bartending course. Yes, to learn how to make drinks that I will then refuse to make people. Guffaw. But also to better educate myself in general. I will continue to interview my bar owning and bar managing and bartending friends. And I will be decorating and buying and ordering and inventing. It is going to be grueling and scary and exciting and I can’t wait! It will also mean that I’ll be super busy, too busy to bother with online dating. I’ll probably keep my Tinder account because it’s silly. And can offer opportunities to invite people to the bar. But OKCupid? It’s gonna have to go. For posterity, I’m posting my current profile. It’s about as big a turn-off as it’s possible to be with an online profile. But, well, there ya have it.

So stay tuned for more news about the bar. And here is who I was on OKCupid:

NEW EDIT
Okay. I’m gonna try this one more time. As I’ve written below, chemistry is elusive. I am only interested in meeting in social situations. No dates. I’m over it. Small talk? Hate it. Dates are like job interviews. They’re boring. Do NOT mistake this as me being “fearful.” Far from it. The only thing I’m afraid of is being bored. I suppose you all think you’re riveting. Maybe you are. And IF you are, hanging out with me in a bar will only showcase your ability to intrigue. I go to a weekly happy hour where new people and out of towners are the usual. It happens in different bars (and different neighborhoods) every week. If the prospect of meeting a FEW new people, as well as me, sounds horrible to you, we probably wouldn’t be a good match. Perhaps you won’t find ME riveting. Then you’ll have a bunch of other people to meet who might be. If you have something similar to offer me, I would be super game! Anyway…now that I’ve alienated every man in America…read on if you’re the one who I haven’t offended…
END NEW EDIT

Please be open to MEETING and the possibility of being FRIENDS. Finding that elusive “chemistry” is rare. But I can honestly say that every man I’ve “befriended” on this site now has a far more exciting and interesting life than he did before meeting me. If you don’t believe that, I’d be happy to connect you for an honest conversation. Who doesn’t want to expand their social circle? The chances of finding romance online aren’t the best. Meeting new people will always result in meeting MORE new people. Meaning, if you and I don’t “click” perhaps you might with a friend of mine. Or I will with a friend of yours. It’s a big world. If that sounds appealing to you, please read on!

A very close friend died this year and it has made me reevaluate. I am not desperate, just determined. If you can’t meet up within a week of us contacting each other, please don’t bother. Life is too fucking short. I’m tired of this site and I’ve never been a fan of dating.

So there you have it. Let’s meet, figure out if we want to fuck each other and take it from there, shall we? Seriously. That’s about all it boils down to.

It doesn’t matter a damn what music you like or what you read. You’ll be on your side of the bed reading what you read and I’ll be on my side of the bed reading what I read. I’ll listen to whatever the hell you want to listen to. Food? Whatever. It’s sustenance, not an art form. For me, anyway. Happy to consume your art form if that’s your thing. Happier to consume your thing. Haha!

Anyway, none of you read this shit. You look at the photo, think, “Yeah, I’d fuck that,” and you click. I wish it were as simple for women. It’s more simple when I’m less sober. So let’s see who responds to THIS version of my “profile.”

What I’m doing with my life
Apparently, online dating. Still. I do all sorts of things with my life, all of them interesting. I usually have a dozen projects in the works at any one time and make money doing a number of different things.

Oh. And three months a year I’m out in the Black Rock Desert working for
Burning Man. It’s a pretty great job!

I’m really good at
Writing. Costuming. Millinery – making hats, tiaras, crowns. Managing the Sign Shop out at that thing in the desert. Remembering all the lyrics. Event production. Graphic design. Listening. Cleaning. Brunching. Finding the bargains at the flea market. All kindsa stuff.
The first things people usually notice about me
My smile. And that I’m tall. People seem to like my hair. You tell me!
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Books: Lots.
Movies: Old stuff? Clockwork Orange & It’s a Wonderful Life. New stuff? Ummmm…
Shows: like TV? I don’t have a regular TV anymore so I binge watch: Downton Abbey, Walking Dead, Breaking Bad.
Music: Shit you can sing along to. Mostly.
Food: Aw, stuff ‘n’ things…and Mexican food. And ice cream. I’ve never met a chocolate chip cookie I didn’t like…
Truly, this stuff is the kind of thing that’s fun to find out when you’re first getting to know someone. Don’t you like discovering?
The six things I could never do without
Hmmm, how to fill in this blank? Be clever? Literal? List more than six and be all, “Ooooh, I’m such a renegade!” I am often reaching for seltzer (lemon-lime) or my phone (Words with Friends…I’m an addict). My friends. My family. My health. Something to look forward to. (I’m not one to sit at home and wait for people to call me, so I’m always planning something.)
I spend a lot of time thinking about
whether or not online dating will ever work for me. I’m really a brick & mortar type person, who prefers to hear and smell and get a live, in person vibe. So if I’m insistent upon meeting in person (as opposed to volleying endless emails, talking on the phone or “chatting”) be patient with me. It’s just the way I’m wired.
On a typical Friday night I am
doing something fun! Going to a party, dinner with friends, having people over, making something. There’s nothing all that typical about my life, really. However, weekends are sort of amateur hour, especially in my ‘hood, so I tend to avoid the local bars and restaurants.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
There’s nothing all that private. In fact, if you Googled me, you’d find just about everything.
You should message me if
You’re tired of being bored on dates, being single at your friends’ dinner parties, being alone on those nights when you don’t feel inspired to go out but would like some company…well, you get the picture. You just should! I’m an avid responder.

Bloody Mary Research & KTHXBI OKC

I had a date the other night. It was pretty great. He was tall, handsome, funny and interesting. I’d like to see him again.

Natasha and I spent yesterday afternoon doing Bloody Mary research. We started at Vasac’s aka Horseshoe Bar. They were $11, a bit too spicy and came with celery, lemon, lime and a pickle slice. We had to tolerate a dozen different football games on a dozen different flat-screen TVs and a bar full of people there to watch the sports ball. Next was Manitoba’s, where the price was $11 again. I think the bartender forgot to add the hot sauce because they were a little bland. She put a bit of Clamato in and I almost fell off my barstool. What if I hadn’t been paying attention and had a shellfish allergy? Anaphylactic shock alert! It was too thin; I prefer my bloodies to be more substantial. But she was very accommodating and gave us the ingredients to add “to taste,” including celery. The only garnish was a lemon wedge. (“This ain’t the Ritz,” she said. True enough!) Two pretty normal-sized TVs were showing the Jets vs Giants game and only one dude seemed actually interested in watching. From there we stumbled downtown to Mama’s, where there was a huge pull-down screen showing the Jets/Giants game. The price there was $8 and the drinks were delicious: thicker, spicy but not too spicy and garnished with celery, lemon and lime. Last we bumbled to Double Down. Natasha is a fan of the bacon vodka but I prefer the regular. Jenn served up our drinks at $11 each but it was happy hour so we got a second one free. By then we’d had enough bloodies and opted for beers. And need I say that there was no sports ball on in the bar? Take away: You can charge $11-$12 for a Bloody Mary on Avenue B! Asking the bartenders, and googling the drink, one should not order one after the sun goes down. And four of them — even spaced out over a couple of hours — is too many! Urp. I was passed out by 8pm!

Oh. And one last “negative” post about OKCupid. I think it may be time to quit online dating. It’s been five years and I haven’t had much success. Instead of wasting time making fun of those guys I need to channel my energy into the new business. Which sorta ties in with this weird exchange. It’s a long one but I want to know: Is this guy some sort of schizophrenic? (Scroll all the way to the bottom for the weirdest part of it all…’cause most of it is pretty dull. Just odd and dull. I don’t know why I kept trying to “salvage” the conversation. Sigh.)
IMG_7143.PNG
Just a wild guess , American Trash no not my opinion of you silly, where the first photo of you behind the bar was taken

Nope. Double Down.

LOL was I close ?

Geographically?

That and in regards to atmosphere
I applaud your self confidence as well as your sense of humor
3 of the utmost of admirable traits

I think I’ve only been to American Trash once. But if dive bar is the atmosphere, then yes!

Hey , don’t ever knock dive bars to me

My favorite.

They are as American ( really they began in England) as Apple pie
I lived in CBGBs
great gildersleeves
Mudd club

And now? Baldwin? [He lives in Baldwin, NY.]

Palladium. Ritz
Academy. Bottom
Line,Rosalind , Bonds
LOL now your knocking
Baldwin
So you are in Alphabet City
“Shut up and drink ” LOL

Not knocking anyplace. Just wondering.

That was joke , your a New Yorker and a bar keep I am sure you did not think I was serious
I am John
it’s my pleasure to type to you

Oh, sorry. It is difficult to discern humor via email…
I’m Abby
And not a barkeep quite yet.
It’s my next career.

Abby
Please tell me you are not currently at work

Now? No.

OK I hope I am not interrupting you ??

Only sorta. I’m at a friend’s.

Fuck me , Please forgive me
Go pretend to be enthralled with their presence
LOL “If your in the crown tonight, have a drink on me, Go easy , step lightly , and stay free” !!!!
Talk to you later

Uh, okay! Lemme know if you’d like to meet for a drink!

Meet , I full expect you to buy me back at least one
So you are not tending bar at Double Down , where would one find you ?

I’m buying my own bar. I can let you know when that happens. But if you’d like to meet sooner, we can pick a place!

Wait , are you seriously contemplating investing your life in a bar ?
I have bar owning in my DNA going back 6 generations

Yes. It will be by New Year’s Day.
What? Really? Wow!

OK the first thing I will tell you, in hopes you at the very least consider my suggestions, and to earn your trust

Yes?

I can promise you that no one in your family or anyone very close to you has ever own their own business , least of all a bar in Manhattan

If you’re gonna try and talk me out of it, please don’t.
You’re right. No one in my family has ever owned a bar business.

OK If you just look at what you just sent me !!! You need to immediately I mean from this second on , change everything you have ever thought or know. My first example of this is how you reacted to what I said to you. Your mind was made up that I was going to attempt to talk you out of it, which in fact IS THE DIRECT OPPOSITE OF WHAT I WAS GOING TO DO

Oh.Ok. Can we meet in person and talk? Cause this is really not the best way to communicate.

I honestly prefer to talk here first, because I have a very long list of those I have helped and continue to help and to be honest my time is limited I very much would love nothing more than for you to not only obtain your bar but to see you prosper

Well, thank you. I’m pretty far along in the process. And bar or no bar, if you aren’t interested in meeting, mum, why bother? I know a lot of people who own bars and have been interviewing them for years… Not to be rude or dismissive but, again, this is an imperfect mode of communication. Especially with a stranger. No nuance. Happy to speak on the phone (which I’m usually reluctant to do prior to meeting) if you’d like. Just not right this minute.

I said earlier , I fully expected to meet. Did you not get my message ? That aside , I am sure you are well past the due diligence stage, you have received all the documents in regards to any liens and back taxes, you have formed a LLC and you have the Liquor Authority’s assurance as to the prior business establishment’s owner and his outstanding bills

Yes
And yes, I saw that you did want to meet. And I think this conversation would be easier (and not while I’m with friends) when we meet in person.

If you admit that you saw that I wanted to meet you , which you just did, why would you say this ? And bar or no bar, if you aren’t interested in meeting, mum, why bother? I am curious why you would completely contradict yourself in what you obviously see is from my point of view , perplexing at the very least ?

I’m sorry. I’m watching a movie AND talking with my friends. Which is why I suggested we talk at another time.
You said your time is limited. I took that as a brush off.
Anyway, another time?

another time

Hey John! When would you like to meet up? I’m free on Thursday.
So? Did you lose interest? No worries, if so. Just wanted to hear your bar advice. Going to see the space I’ve pretty much decided on tonight. Wheeeeee!

Let me know how it goes !
Best of luck to you

Thank you for the polite brush off. Best of luck to you as well.

LOL WOW , I am never wrong when I want to be, and this is one of the times I want so badly to be wrong
You have an enormous amount of baggage , far too much to carry if you intend to start , run and expand a profitable business

What baggage? How do you know? We’ve never even met. Or spoken. Wow. Nice job ruling me out without even a conversation.

LOL You just proved my point !!! I never at any time ruled you out
I don’t need anything more than a photo of your face to know you

You said I have too much baggage to run a business. I took that to mean “ruled me out” as a successful business. And saying you only need a photo of my face to know me is the most ludicrous thing I’ve ever heard.
You can stop email me now. Because I’m blocking you.
Bye!

And Now We Return You To Your Regularly Scheduled Programming…

In remembrance on World AIDS Day. Happy Giving Tuesday. Happy Wear a Dress Day. And Happy 60th Anniversary of Rosa Parks refusing to give up her bus seat. Oh. And RABBIT RABBIT!

Yes-Vember is over. I promise not to devolve into a downward spiral of depression. Because I am hard at work starting a bar business. Yes, that’s my next career. I should’ve done it 30 years ago; it would’ve saved me from being fired from all those jobs! But, well, those stars weren’t quite aligned. Now they are. So stay tuned. Until that happens, I will continue to regale you with my hilarious tales of online dating. I may also regale you with tales of putting together a bar business because I have a feeling that will be fairly riveting! And because it’s Giving Tuesday!

1397843_10152334179621364_8448809569858290407_o.jpg 1012099_10151483233831364_1315972225_n.jpg 1375957_10151576164481364_1568388469_n.jpg
A Few of My Profile Photos

Over the past month, while I was being positive and full of sunshine and unicorns, the online dating world didn’t change a bit. Here are a few of the more appalling interactions I’ve had. Marianne can’t understand why I respond to these guys. I do it for you, my dear readers! In the name of entertainment! All are presented as written: typos, crappy punctuation and all:

From _Tonester_:, who sounds like a totally arrogant douche:
Wow, that profile is pretty fucking exceptional. What’s your story?
Thanks for the note but I’m Upstate indefinitely both caring for my ill sister and enjoying the quiet to write a complex screenplay.
Ok, well you might want to change your location so no one else bothers you!
Maybe it’s something I say just to get rid of people. /Blocked
Huh. Wow. Okay.

From AlmostTooMuch, an overly-muscular 32-year-old:
hello there
Hi.
how are you doing?
shy?
Shy? Hardly. Just not really interested in anyone so much younger.
is that a defense mechanism?
nervous about what you will tangle with?
Oh please. Spare me. I’ve tangled with far wilder than you. And younger. Just not into it right now.
Sorry.
younger isn’t a particular virtue. neither is wilder. ever tangled with bigger?
I’ve had sex with well over 100 people. I’m sure I’ve had far bigger than you, too.
oh? are you? we can bet 🙂
Dude. Bigger isn’t a particular virtue either. I’m not interested.
you know that you would rather have bigger than smaller and you would rather be stretched than sheltered
Sheltered? Seriously? Sheltered from what? Some guy who thinks his cock is god’s gift to women? No thanks.
i never said that. sheltered isn’t a good thing, and my cock can cause discomfort..
I don’t know about your cock but your personality is causing me discomfort.
my personality? it’s benign. i ease into things…. 😉
Well you won’t be easing into THIS thing! But thanks for providing me with a couple laughs. Blocking you. Bye!

IMG_7105.PNG

BEHOLD this HUNK OF MAN!

From, apparently, Michael Chabon, above:
You’re obviously a bright, perhaps very bright, woman and the first photo shows that you’re attractive but you fuck it up with those other lunatic shots…and you’re mistaken, some people do read the entire commentary.
Ah…one more point. You’ve said you’re an “avid responded.” [stet…what I say is “avid responder.”] Not necessary; I have a suspicion that you could bite the nuts off a brass monkey.
Uh. Okay. Well if you don’t like my photos, you needn’t have email me at all. Bad day? Needed to criticize a stranger? Have a great week!
You missed the point, or I didn’t express it clearly. What I tried to convey is that your commentary is very cool, beguiling…and the first photo shows an attractive woman but the others show a clown.

12238039_10153070253581364_8457420037852628664_o.jpg

Here’s the shot he thought was “so weird.”

I remember seeing one of them (you had it as the first shot) every time I signed on to look at messages. It was so weird that I never bothered to even click on the profile. It’s a very cool commentary, and suggests a very cool lady.
A cool lady? With photos of a clown? Does it matter that a few of the photos are of me onstage? [And one where I am, actually, a CLOWN! See above.] That I don’t look like that in my day to day life? Might you have kept that to yourself? And then to tell me not to bother responding? What’s the point of communicating if it’s only one way?
Babe, listen…no one knows they’re of you on stage and no one is going to give a rats ass. You’re a pretty woman, obviously not frightened of her own sexuality, and the commentary you produced is far more compelling then [stet] the stupid banalities that represent 99% of the garbage in here. I simply believe that the following photos act to vitiate all that precedes them.
So…I just saw that you’re 5’10″…supposing I meet you wearing elevator shoes…or stilts.
Cody
You would know if you read the captions. As for giving a rat’s ass…well, if one is interested in another, one might, actually, give that rat’s ass. What about the last photo? No makeup. Plain. Or the second one? Still too clowny?
The last one is also attractive but the 2nd one is not.
You live in Manhattan?
Yes, I do live in Manhattan.
You do drugs, think nuclear war might be exciting, and have no problem cutting some lunatic that shoots his bolt that way. Swell.
I have no doubt…none…zero…that you would be the greatest sexual partner on the planet if I could stop laughing long enough to test it.
Well, that isn’t going to happen. I’m not the least bit attracted to you. Now YOU don’t need to respond because one second after I hit Send I will be hitting Block. Because you sound like a real prick.
Bye!

IMG_7103.PNG

Photo as shown on OKC. Apparently h e doesn’t know how to edit photos.

From r21056:
That picture makes you no justice
Which one? And how would you know if you haven’t met me in person?
Download the Bible song You Beautiful I know that
The ones with the goggles on your beautiful I know that
What the hell are you talking about?
Sorry if I offended you
Go away
Should you take me away
Bye.
you know that pretty
Look like a fool with f***** glasses
Blocking you. Bye. Again.
No let me block you stupid
Oh, I’m beautiful until I reject you? Asshole.

From SOXFOX2004:
[In response to his saying that he won’t communicate with anyone who uses emoticons.] Aw, c’mon, there are instances when an emoticon is perfect!
Not in a New York minute! ; )
How was that oyster/cashew/burnt blood orange/boysenberry stuffing anyway?
I didn’t care for it. But I liked the traditional one!
So are you really 5’5″?
No actually 6’2″ but I try to avoid intimidating Okers.
How sweet that you had to lower the bar and explain what millinery is. I could chide you about your alcoholism, but it might just be more fun to meet and fuck you.
So are you just bored and looking to take our some aggression?

IMG_7104.PNG

Can’t you just feel the excitement? The THRILL of dating this dude?

From artimesboy [boy? really? At 59?]:
My good friend Benny made me a sizable bet that your personality is not as stunning as your looks. Of course, I strongly disagreed but he is insisting confirmation by phone or a brief meeting. 
Help me win the bet and put Benny in his place.
E***
Hi E***,
Happy to help you win that bet!
I’ll be at a bar/club called Meridian tomorrow night. Come meet me there!
Abby
PS Will Benny be coming with you or is he gonna just take your word? Heh.
I’ll surprise you. What time will you be at bar? It would be better to meet during a band break.
I’ll be there early, before the bands start, like 6.
So, um, is this a date? Or just an audition of sorts? Because I’ll be there with friends.
Sounds like we should figure another place and time where it’s just the two of us. Perhaps in Midtown on Thursday night.
I would actually prefer meeting you and Benny Wednesday. The more social an outing, the better chances of everyone having a good time!
I really really don’t like dates…
Sounds like your fearful. I’ll pass. By the way, Benny is a dog.
Oh. Hah! Benny is a VERY good friend, then. The best. As they say.
Fearful? Hardly. Just tired of spending so much time on dates. If you’d like to meet me AND a couple other interesting people too, which I think is a much better idea, let me know. You’ll never know whether my personality is any match for my photos!

 

Addendum

So yeah, my OKCupid account has been “fixed,” as their email alerted me. Not like it was “broken.” They were just being OKStupid. As an addendum, I wrote to them in response to this line in their correspondence with me: “We also make sure that everybody using OkC for event stuff is actually a legitimate OkC/Match.com partner (it’s a safety/legitimacy thing) which I hope you understand.”
Well, thank you for reinstating my account.

And for the record, I applied, via your web site, TWICE to be a host for your “events.” Being a cranky old lady, it makes me even crankier that ALL the events are for young people. I probably don’t need to point out to you (since I’m assuming you are “young” and NOT anywhere near MY age) that “young” people don’t need events to meet each other. They meet each other ALL THE TIME! Those of us over 50, however, DO need “events” because most people have given up and don’t ever leave the damn house.

Anyway. Back to sorting out the scammers from the real humans on your site.
Thanks again!

And ya gotta love the “safety/legitimacy” bit. Guffaw. As though any event is more “safe” than another. Or “legitimate.” I am tempted to show up at their offices and present myself as their newest event producer. “Here I am! Ready to go to work creating exciting events for people who aren’t fucking 30!” I mean seriously…

Vindicated!

Ah, the sweet taste of victory! Coupled with the influence of righteous indignation! The power-mad millenials at OKCupid have seen the error of their ways and reinstated my account. After they accused me of soliciting, I continued the dialogue, pointing our how ridiculous that accusation was. Here’s how it unfolded after my previous post:

What am I soliciting?

“I’m producing an event on Feb. 17 that I think you might enjoy. It isn’t a singles’ party (or a couples’ party) but there are components that I think will be appealing to people who are “seeking.” Even if they aren’t sure what, exactly…
I hope you can make it!
Abby “

Etc etc.

You cannot be serious. The events I produce are happy hours and live performances. I’d be happy to show you my Facebook events. “Seeking” means many things to different people. Clearly the person who reported me wishes he were receiving invitations to something a bit more exciting.
Whatever.
I waste so much time reporting fake profiles on your site it isn’t even worth it. You people should be paying more attention to actual scammers and less to idiots who don’t know what they’re talking about. My sex party days are FAR behind me. I’m 56 fucking years old, fer crissakes. FIFTY SIX YEARS OLD! Even Annie Sprinkle has moved on. Wow.

I am not saying you are a scammer, and I am not being judgey at all, but the rules we have to enforce for everybody say:

“Unique and bona fide profile
You agree to create only one unique profile. In addition, in order to maintain the integrity of the Website, by joining, you agree that your use of the Website shall be for bona fide relationship-seeking purposes (for example, you may not use the Website solely to compile a report of compatible singles in your area, or to write a school research paper). “

Really, what you were doing isn’t dating – And people (a LOT of people reported you as a scammer) – So they would complain if we didn’t ban you as well. We also make sure that everybody using OkC for event stuff is actually a legitimate OkC/Match.com partner (it’s a safety/legitimacy thing) which I hope you understand. If you want to use OkC to date, seek people for friends etc then you are welcome to – But stick with craiglist etc. for advertising events, please?

Advertising events?
I ask people I meet on OKC if they are interested in joining me for events, some I produce and/or promote, others I attend. I invited one guy to a fundraiser for the Lower East Side Girls Club. Is that against the rules? What about a fundraiser for Figment? If I’m producing it?
I’m about as far from a scammer as it’s possible to be. A real human, actually interested in meeting people, as friends — at the very least. I’ve met friends on here. Go read my emails.
There is nothing I’d like more than to meet someone and fall in love. I have three friends who I helped with their profiles on OKC and they eventually married. Three success stories. I sure wish I was one. Being 56 and single sucks more than I can describe. I’m sure you cannot begin to relate.
But if you seriously believe I have been using your site for the sole purpose of — well, whatever you think I’m using it for — then by all means, ban me. However, you could not be more wrong.
There was a time when I produced two weekly events. For seven years! Fetish parties, rock parties, sex parties. As I said, those days are far behind me. I now co-produce a few events annually: Night of a Thousand Stevies, a Stevie Nicks tribute night; Ghostlight, a Halloween Eve fundraiser for HOWL Help; and the Figment fundraiser. I get paid for two of the three, minimally. I also help organize weekly happy hours for the Burning Man community. I don’t get paid for this work. I am often hired to emcee events, most recently the third birthday bash for Batala NYC, an all female Brazilian style drum group.
Hardly Heidi Fleiss. If that reference even means anything to you.
One man I met on OKC is helping the House of Yes with their build out. We’ve been friends for a few years now. His life is more interesting now than it was before he met me…a different sort of success story. I’ve invited a lot of guys to a lot of things. It’s sad that any of them would call me a scammer for those invitations. Really sad. And I’m sure they have sad little lives. Thankfully, I don’t. So I’ll be fine without OKCupid.
And I’ll say it one more time.
You are wrong.
So, dear readers, that’s how the situation unfolded. They’ve seen fit to let me back into their cesspool of dick pix and scammers. Oh hooray! Over the seven years as a “member,” I’ve been booted off twice now. I’ve dealt with so many scammers I can’t count them. (I initially posted on here about the illiterate men on OKC but those weren’t potential suitors, they were scammers, looking to coax me out of cash. HILARIOUS!) Though I’ve met a few men whose company I enjoyed, not many were willing to cultivate an ongoing friendship. I can’t really see much benefit from the site; I’m not one to go begging for free meals…not my style. I think I’ve had about one for each year…each time insisted upon by my date. I’ve even paid for my own coffee on a number of occasions. The sole reason for remaining a “member” is to continue regaling you with my hysterical tales of dating disasters. So I guess I’ll keep on “soliciting” and see what happens! And I’ll be sure to “advertise my events” on Craiglist. Guffaw.