May 25

If you’ve been looking at my photos from yesterday, you know what a colorful bunch of friends I have! And what a wonderful celebration we enjoyed! It was so great to see all those smiling faces, including the many that were behind masks!

We weren’t the only people enjoying the lush lawn in the park. Around 4:30, the cops came and cleared us all off, saying the lawn was closed. Yes, it’s technically been “closed” the whole time, with the gates padlocked. But those locks proved hardly a deterrent. The lawn has been filled with people every sunny day. We were curious if there was some reason it took till THAT afternoon at THAT moment, such as a specific metric. Like, 80 people was okay but 81 wasn’t? Anyway, we enjoyed it all while it lasted and then we decamped to “the Lucky steps.”

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Today is the well-earned hangover, with a new facet to the pounding afterglow: guilt. It’s sort of the way you feel when doing the walk of shame. Some guilt, yes, but also a smidge of victory. A “Yeah, I did that!” leavened with “I hope I don’t suffer any negative effects…” I’m actually experiencing a couple different hangovers: fun, booze, guilt and SUGAR. I ate way too many lard sugar balls (POPE-UMS!), cake pops AND a cupcake. I think I need something nutritious!

Digging a little deeper beyond my hangover, I felt very…unusual…this morning. While going through my daily rituals — teeth brushing and mocha making — I felt off. Not ill, just…weird. Like there was a tear in my space-time continuum. It felt like 10am AND 10pm. And yesterday. Or next week. Maybe it was reading Michael Tee‘s time-traveling posts about the 20th anniversary of Motherfucker. It’s difficult to believe that was a full 20 years ago! And I felt like I was myself 20/10/5 years ago as well as 5/10 years from now yet strangely NOT myself in the here and now. As though I’m living in a movie or something. Everything feels so self-referential. When have we been so collectively COGNIZANT of our every action? So painfully aware of EVERY SECOND? I dunno. It made me think of “the new normal,” a phrase I have already come to DETEST. But here I am, NOW, in MY new normal. Yesterday’s celebration was, still and indeed, a celebration. But one that took place within the parameters of our “new normal.” Where we (meaning I but, yes, we) weigh every move we make against our own morals, ethics and mortality. I may hate it today but I’m sure in time I’ll be used to it.

Lastly, I’m listening to our governor and it has become nothing more than background noise. There isn’t much new information. And I definitely do NOT need to hear him repeat his incantations about the federal government or NY’s statistics. The current state of “politics” in this country are painful to witness. It’s time to focus on the hyper-local…Have a wonderful Memorial Day, my friends! I miss you!

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