I can’t overstate the level of disappointment I experienced when I got my antibody test results: Negative. I was soooo hoping I’d been exposed to the virus. I’m not sure how — or if — it will alter my behavior. I’m edging closer to the “fuck it” threshold, experiencing a more fatalistic viewpoint with every passing hour. If we’ve managed to flatten the curve and there’s no vaccine in the foreseeable future, we must learn to navigate the world with the virus looming.
When a friend posted about the “Take out, don’t hang out” ummmm, suggestion (I mean, is it a law? Is anything?) recently, one person responded, “What happened to ‘stay at home’?!
I, for one will not put a dollar into the economy (except groceries) until it is safe to do so again—i.e. sans mask and w/o social distancing. The ONLY language NYC understands is $$$ so speak with your wallets, kids. Me? I’ll see you 2021. Maybe.” In my opinion, this is a fairly extreme stance. We cannot remain locked up inside our apartments for a full year. Completely aside from the threat of economic collapse, the populace simply won’t tolerate these limits until a vaccination becomes available. (And don’t get me started on the people who are already refusing to GET said vaccine, believing that Bill Gates is going to inject them with a microchip or whatever. OY!) Yes, I know, Anne Frank hid away for ages. But this virus cannot be likened to gas chambers. It is a danger and, quite possibly, a lethal one. But it isn’t a 100% death sentence for everyone. No, I don’t want to catch it, especially given we have NO idea what the long-term effects will be. But I also don’t want to sit on this couch for…well, for even another week, frankly. I may not be able to go back to work for months and months so I’d at least like to be able to do more than take hour-long walks every day.
Anyway, I don’t know about YOUR brain but MINE is in a constant struggle to weigh all the unknowns and the dangers, try and rationalize what I realize is irrational and foolish behavior, and, you know, how to balance the distressing news and blizzard of information with my struggle to not become completely hopeless. It is fucking exhausting!
Photo of pretty flowers because, uh, pretty flowers? Love, hope and sanity to you on this rainy Saturday!