Dear Laura,

Yesterday when I posted to Facebook that Yes-Vember! was over and listed all the people I had mentioned in this blog, my stats went “through the roof!” (as WordPress said, hyperbolically). There were almost as many comments, too, also on Facebook. I’m equally guilty: I read someone’s blog and comment about it on Facebook. I think that’s part of their evil plan: keep all the eyeballs on Facebook. Comments on my blog actually on my blog are a more rare occurrence and are, usually (and comparatively), negative. There are a few obvious reasons, firstly that the people on Facebook know me. More importantly, though, I think most of the people reading (and commenting) here are fellow blog writers. Perhaps more “peer” than “dear friend” or “adoring fan.” Or whatever. I have to assume that if they’re blogging (and have the time to read others’ blogs…and comment) they might also harbor just a smidge of the “frustrated writer” angst that I often experience.
All that said, I received a comment yesterday and wasn’t able to reply to it. Not sure why. I am consistently boggled by technology. So I thought I’d respond to her [constructive] criticism here.

You don’t take [constructive] criticism very well. Or so it seems.

I am curious, Laura, which criticism you felt I didn’t take well. The mean words of the men on OKCupid? Because I didn’t receive much response to my posts during Yes-Vember!

From Yes-vember to Drekember, you take this all so personally, in particular the (lack of) comments to your “positive” compositions; the ok cupids for the neg. After all this time, after all this writing, and dating, you appear to have learned little, and fall back on old, nasty, habits.

If you mean by “old, nasty, habits” writing about the hilarious guys on OKC, well, yes, I am falling back on that. It won’t be (and has never been) a daily thing. I write about a lot of topics. But people who read (and comment on) my OKCupid escapades seem to really enjoy them. At least that’s the feedback I get via Facebook. I will continue to write about online dating, as well as all the other topics.

Why would anyone want to comment about the people you know, admire, have worked with, and seem—for reasons best known to you—worthy of public praise? To borrow from your unsolicited Cupid comments, “Who (except the profilee) gives a rat’s ass?”

Why would anyone want to comment about the people I know? Hmm, maybe to say, “Cool art! Thanks for tipping me off!” or “I love her stuff! I bought one of her widgets as a Christmas gift! Thanks!” Or even just a quick, “Thank you for introducing me to a new artist.” My question is, why WOULDN’T someone want to comment on any of those posts? There were SO many responses to the posts on Facebook and almost zero here. Is it because they AREN’T negative? I am seriously curious. 

The best a writer, blogger, (venter?, ranter?) can do is compose compelling pieces; from that the comments will come. Not that you’ll take a positive suggestion.

How is that a “positive suggestion”? Are the blog posts “compelling” only to people on Facebook? Not to people who only read (and comment) through WordPress? Again, just sincerely curious.

As for Cupid, you (and your profile) are bait, and do I really need to go for the obvious joke that you’re a master (or mistress) at this? If you, in this incarnation (and all past ones), present yourself in a certain way, you will continue to get the same types of response. I won’t suggest you change—you won’t—so get over it, and get over them.

I shouldn’t have to point out that the OKCupid stuff I post on here is merely a fraction of the email I receive. There is the good, the bad and the ugly. There is also the banal, the boring, the goes-nowhere (Hi! Hello. Let’s meet….and schedules get in the way….interest wanes…) and, rarely, the super-awesome! Yes, I do go on fun and interesting dates. Sadly, they don’t make for compelling blog posts. Imagine what will happen when I meet someone perfect and we ride off into the sunset together! Zzzzzzz….

In “Abby World” THEY are the aggressors and you, merely, the defendant. Why bother? Why start something? Why perpetuate the animus? If you’re trying to spin straw into gold, perhaps you need a better spinning wheel, otherwise the wannabees will all be Rumpelstiltskins.

Again, not all the wannabees are Rumpelstiltskins. Some are Cyranos. They don’t make for much entertainment. But I digress. If you don’t find what I write to be straw spun into gold, well, that was never my intent. I’m taking straw and showing that straw to the world. Another woman emailed me to say that the exact same man said the exact same thing to her. And I would bet that her profile is nothing at all like mine. Nope. The guy just gets off on “negging.” Telling women, “That’s an ugly photo.” Why would anyone write that? I’ve suggested to men that they re-shoot their selfie without the open toilet in the background. But that isn’t what I’d consider “negging.” More like constructive criticism. I have also, in the past, received an email from a woman who had a bad feeling about a prospective OKC date and, after googling his screen name, found my blog. I had written that he was a scammer and by reading the blog she avoided experiencing the same thing. So anyway, that’s all sort of beside the point. I believe I can take criticism. And I could, of course, be totally wrong. However, if you think I should stop writing about these guys, that I won’t do. If you don’t find it to be spun gold, I can invite you to not read the blog when the topic is “online dating.” I write about other things; check out my topics. Maybe you could offer criticism on a piece I’ve written on a different topic? I use this blog to keep my writing chops (such as they are) from getting rusty. With the bar business, those chops may just have to rust. 

And sincere best wishes (really!) with the alcohol emporium. With no desire for a finder’s fee, I’ll offer my suggestion for it: The Snark Bar. Apt.

Thank you for the suggestion. I actually love it! Though even I, as horrible as I can be, know better than to “go negative” as a business model. I could also go with Douche-Free Zone but I don’t want to over-promise! Anyway, gotta run and see a few more bars to buy!

 

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One response to “Dear Laura,

  1. response appreciated, and taken in the spirit in which it was offered.

    you realize, of course, should you use “the snark bar” name, you are perpetually buying me a first round.

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