Aside

OKCupid’s Fake Profiles: No, Not News…

In my never ending quest for romance, I am still, sadly, utilizing online dating sites. Clicking through the Quickmatch option on OKCupid, a certain sameness is discernible. One handsome man’s profile has got to be a fake. The photo looks like a model. That he refers to himself as “homely” is laughable. What confuses me is why the “God-fearing” phrase turns up over and over in these scammy, spammy profiles. Wouldn’t a woman who was, in fact, seeking a “God-fearing” man be more likely to search on ChristianMingle.com? And certainly NOT on a site that allows same sex matchings or encourages people who list themselves as Married to…date? I dunno.

0% 0% 0%
My self-summary
A homely man with the fear of God,who is in search of a real woman with the same qualities of someone he would live to spend the rest of his life with.
As [sic] me anything and I’ll be sure to answer you
What I’m doing with my life
Living a life that’s worth every second
I’m really good at
Taking care of the ones I love [Another clue: a man who will care for you!]
The first things people usually notice about me
My eyes and my kind heart [How anyone might initially notice someone’s “kind heart” is beyond me.]
The six things I could never do without
My job. [A hard worker!]
God [Always God.]
My kids [A lovely family man.]
I spend a lot of time thinking about
My job and my kids
On a typical Friday night I am
Home seeing movies
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m bored with the right woman to love

A guy I’ve emailed with who helps OKC out as a “moderator” tells me that the purpose of fake profiles is to get the numbers up so they can charge more for advertising. This one is particularly compelling:
9598417829690979759Yup, a blank wall. WTF? “He” hasn’t filled in his profile or answered any of the questions, making him a 0% 0% 0% ‘er.

 

 

Another compelling photo:
16810735397830151865I’m not even sure what that is. A body part? Art? A nostril? A mistake?

 

 

 

Here’s an even better one:
3634198479779834063Mr. Shoe here really went all out filling in his profile:
My self-summary
Fffgfvyvbbvfcvufcb bc gonna hdjjgh

 

 

 

The contrast between fake profiles and real ones is so marked it’s surprising they even bother. Why not just repeat the real ones? The “copy” in the fakes is all so similar; if it’s just to get the numbers up, a quick cut-and-paste of the top “selling” profiles would seem like a smarter move.

However, if they’re gonna put up fake profiles, this one’s the most hilarious I’ve seen. I won’t share “his” numerous shots of trashed crack den, flop house rooms.
9386770307903260713My self-summary
I am banged-out, urine soaked and old.
3120317558253365650Prior to the financial meltdown of 2007, I was a top B of A executive overseeing several mortgage portfolios. How was I to know that S & P knew as much about rating mortgages as I did about brain surgery? Well, their insistence that mingling enough sub-par loans could yield an A+ portfolio cost me my position. I was completely blameless. There was simply no way to predict that high school cafeteria workers would default on their $6,000 monthly mortgage payments. They don’t teach this shit at the Stern School. Those bastards at B of A ran me out on a rail. So now I spend my days in Tompkins Park feeding pigeons and collecting aluminum cans. Don’t worry, I’m planing a major comeback!
What I’m doing with my life
Consuming massive (massive!) amounts of intoxicants while dutifully avoiding gainful employment.
I’m really good at
Engaging in meaningful discourse while being blasted out of my mind.
The first things people notice about me
I smell like a toilet in a cheap Chinese restaurant.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music and food
The dumpster by Starbucks on Ninth Ave. gets good sandwiches Tuesday nights.
The six things I could never do without
Drugs, alcohol, a warm heating vent, a shopping cart, my hat, the men’s shelter.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Finding a woman who appreciates my sense of style and unusual odor.
On a typical Friday night I am
High.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I slipped myself a rufie and touched myself, I think.

Well, at least he can spell. And there’s a bit of humor. If you enjoy laughing at homeless substance abusers.

Today I found an even more glaring example of fake profiles: handsome Dr. Alex Karev from Greys Anatomy. Of course, this isn’t really news. Recently model Yuliana Avalos sued Match.com (OKCupid’s parent company) for using her photos on the site. Other stars, including Lindsay Lohan, Jessica Biel and Al Pacino (?!?!), have appeared in other fake profiles. Aside from it being both absurd and illegal, it seems pretty stupid. There are thousands of singles (and, in many cases, marrieds) in search of love. Or a casual hook-up. Is it really necessary to scam us (or the advertisers) with sham profiles? It’s poor form. Worse, it fosters a general distrust in dating sites which undermines their purpose: to create relationships between strangers. Le sigh.

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3 responses to “OKCupid’s Fake Profiles: No, Not News…

  1. A lot of these fake profiles are scammers trying to bilk money from vulnerable men and women, unfortunately. But I’ll tell you my favorite Okcupid story: I met someone on OKCupid. She was out of town. I told her I lived in the east village. So did she. I told her I lived on the corner of X and X. So did she. She not only lived in my building. she lived on my floor! And that is how I met Abby!
    Never give up. I met susan a year and a half ago on Plenty of Fish and we’ve been living together for over a year and have dedicated the rest of our lives to each other. Miracles do happen. See you in the city soon.

  2. Before I deleted my account there which I used when I traveled- I fell in love with a profile of a man who looked to be in his 70’s, only had photos which were selfies of himself in the gym plus one giant fish, and who spoke openly in his profile about how his main interest in life was DMT. His name? Tiger Boo Boo. I will never know if he was real but I like to think he was.

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