A Kiss Is Just A…

How important is a kiss? Or more specifically, how important is it that a kiss be good? Maybe not perfect but, well, at least good enough to keep…kissing.

Even in the most unconventional situations — with the obvious exception of hookers — a kiss or two (or 20) is commonplace before sex. Ideally it leads to sex. If the kissing is good, mmmm, whether it takes months or moments, it serves as the gateway drug to intercourse. Kissing involves more than just lips. The tongue gets involved, arms entwine, you’re close enough to smell your partner in pucker. And if all of this feel wonderful, why wouldn’t, well, more feel better still?

Okay, I can tell you’re nodding in agreement so I’m going to forge ahead. What about the opposite? What if the kiss is not good? At all. What if the kiss is terrible? If you find yourself thinking, mid-kiss, “This can’t go on. I simply cannot go on kissing this person for one more moment.” Then what?

There are many reasons you might think this but the bottom line is that everyone has a different idea of what constitutes a good kiss. And this changes for each person over their lifetime. Believing you’ve just received the best kiss ever when you’ve never kissed anyone before makes perfect sense; you have no other kisses to which it can be compared. But when you’ve kissed dozens of frogs, er, I mean men, then you’re evaluating that experience through very experienced lips.

Well these experienced lips have experienced some pretty damn good kissing. Every man I’ve kissed did it differently. Some were better than others, of course, and many improved with each subsequent smack. One, in particular, was the Best Kisser Ever. Making out with him was like being in a movie, the scene where the starlet is melting into her leading man’s arms. Thank goodness this man came along late in my life or think how many others would’ve been held up to his example! As it is, he’s a tough act to follow.

Which leads me to a few of my latest kisses. They’ve been less than spectacular. So lackluster, in fact, that any chances of lust resulting are all but nonexistent. “Can’t you train him?” friends have asked. Well, yeah, sure. But wouldn’t you think that in my sixth goddamn decade of life, providing educational opportunities such as these is really asking a bit too much?

There’s a reason so many women eschew new relationships and wind up living alone in a house full of cats. This is only one of them. Factor in revealing yourself, naked, to someone new, adjusting to sharing your bed (again), navigating the likes and dislikes, foibles and quirks, bodily functions and sexual dysfunctions, ack, the list is endless. Honestly? I’m not sure I can do it. And if I were going to even consider it, the guy’s gotta at least be a good kisser.

French Kiss

French Kiss (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

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2 responses to “A Kiss Is Just A…

  1. Amen Abby (very well written as always and ever …..so true)

  2. i’ve never understood “a kiss is just a kiss”–be it as a lyric in “as time goes by,” in pop culture, or in wistful prose. a kiss is NOT just a kiss and the conundrum, abby, you speak of is daunting.

    with all due respect to your friend’s “can you train him?”, kissing can’t be taught. it either is, or it isn’t. that’s like suggesting “intimacy” can be taught, it can’t. cunnilingus can be taught; fellatio can be taught; kissing can’t be taught.

    i’ve had boyfriends where there’s been great attraction (and probably alcohol) and even more anticipation and then….pfft! some of it is physiological–it’s a “lips” thing. i’m guessing obama would be a great kisser; kevin kline, jeff daniels not so much. but what the lipless may lack can be made up in technique–if they have it.

    but you are dead-on about the intangibles–tongue, (breath), body smell, skin (beard), nose, touch, intensity….and intent.

    men can be single-minded and have other ideas that head southerly (and thank god for that!) from kissing. but a lingered kiss–especially when it’s a good one–is a gateway to everything else.

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