Always Angry?

One of my recent posts generated many comments and much controversy. It was brought to my attention that I don’t like anyone who doesn’t agree with me. Uh, who does? It also confirmed my belief that most people enjoy the company of like-minded folks. While those commenting — as well as the gentleman I’d been corresponding with — were shocked that I would be “offended” (poor choice of words on my part; I should’ve said “put off”) by, well, anything, everyone I spoke with in person had the same reaction to his words: mouths agape. Humans tend to seek out those who are, in not one but many ways, similar to themselves. I’m sure there are sociological explanations and theories; I just know what I see and experience.

But in addition to these thoughts, I considered their words. Am I always angry? Am I really so closed-minded? I went back through my OKCupid correspondence and found a previous conversation with this gentleman, one that took place back in May, after he had visited me at the bar. I was surprised by how, ummm, pleasant I was to him. Perhaps proving that I’m not always closed-minded or angry.

What a pleasure it was meeting you! And thank you for the gift! (I do hope you weren’t expecting sex. I mean. It wasn’t two bottles of perseco. And you weren’t naked. Hah!) [I am assuming this references an earlier conversation but I couldn’t find it.]
It was an enjoyable afternoon. Illuminating, even! Let’s do it again soon!
Abby

no sex? jeeeez! quel donage. 
i had fun as well. 
i was tickled by our physical disparity; i mean, i knew you were statuesque, i just hadnt expected …you. but i liked it. 
tell me when you might be available (i say that nicely) and sure, it would be fun fir you to drink as well. 
m.

Hi M.!
I’ll be celebrating my birthday both this Wednesday and this Saturday after I get off work at Double Down. You’ll be able to meet all my crazy friends if you can show up at one of the two!
I may be deactivating my profile here soon in anticipation of my trip west so feel free to contact me at editrixabby@gmail.com. And you can read about my crazy dating life at https://editrixabby.wordpress.com. Sadly hilarious.
A

dearest abs, 
i did go to the wordpress site and have read about your, um, experiences. poor baby. growing pains at every age. 
i may show up at DD’s wednesday. is there a best time? 
m.

Please, no “poor baby.” I’m not looking for pity. Just tellin’ it like it is!
As for Wednesday, I’d say 6-ish? So you can get a beer from me and then have a beer WITH me!
A

the poor baby was as much for me as for you. i take pity on no one.

So. Not only does this look like I was both polite and, dare I say it, enthusiastic about having met this man, it puts lie to his saying that he wasn’t aware of my blog. He was, indeed, aware and had, indeed, read it. I was wondering where he’d gotten the idea that I’d had so many “wild adventures,” though I suppose one could assume that anyone who works for Burning Man, lives in the East Village and has reached the ripe age of 53 has. The bottom line is that I treated this man well and invited him further into my life. I hate the idea of having to “prove myself” to anyone and I’m embarrassed to say that I was upset by the harsh words of my critics. I am, like most people, hoping to learn and grow.

What, then, is the lesson here? That I shouldn’t post dirty words or talk about sex? Never bitch or complain? Have opinions that differ from, or object to the differing opinions of, others? I’m not sure.

 
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8 responses to “Always Angry?

  1. It’s also not true. We are friends and disagree all the time. I never assume we won’t LIKE each other afterwards. Weird…

  2. i wonder what you’re trying to prove here by citing a back-and-forth exchange from months ago (were there additional messages in the interim?, did you see him again? did he say anything (in person) that was as seemingly inappropriate to you as his other comment?) i further wonder your point when we’re not hearing his side of the story–not that that’s important. are you trying to show that you’re “fair” (and open-minded) or that you’re right?

    words are very powerful. one of your commenters made mention of your “i’m the problem” post. of course i had to read it. you light into paul (with VERY potent and nasty words: “FUCK YOU, PAUL!”); in a more recent posting, one of your commenters thinks you’re “sweet.” in the reply that precedes that one you refer to yourself as “an opinionated c…”

    it appears that you want it both ways–you want to say whatever you want with whatever words you choose, yet when a stranger (and we’re ALL strangers) puts you off because of words that are seemingly inappropriate, you get pissed.

    how often are you going to say, “it’s MY blog!” this is tantamount to taking your bat and ball and going home.

    it’s amusing and NOT surprising that your friends mouths would be agape. they’re YOUR friends and friends circle the wagons; friends give you the latitude that you are not giving those you disagree with or who disagree with you.

    like you, i prefer to have a boyfriend who agrees with me, but i’m not going to turn on him when he disagrees with something i’ve said. likewise, i would hope that our disagreements (or my own differing opinion) are not break-upable offenses. i try to practice this with strangers as well. but you’re in the blog business. you put it out there; you’ll have your admirers; you’ll have your detractors.

    it’s impossible to play arbiter here without both sides of the story. and even then.

    you needn’t muzzle yourself nor your choice of words. but as your critics are trying to point out–and perhaps this was the original source of the disagreement with your cupid encounter–words CAN BE incendiary as proven by your own profile, his response, and so many of your exchanges here in your blog.

    • There were no other exchanges between the one in this post (from May)
      And those in the “Exuding Sex” post.
      I wasn’t pissed, I was put off. His words, used on a dating site, were indelicate, to say the least, and certainly not putting his best foot (words) forward.
      I would never break up with someone or sever a friendship due to a disagreement. I’m a pretty forgiving person, actually, but you would need to know me personally to know this.
      Everyone is free to disagree. I’ve approved all the feedback, though it sure is annoying when people use fake email addresses. It’s just sort of chickenshit.
      Moving along.

  3. Do not feed the trolls. It is SO much more than ok to disagree with people, just as it is ok to be one thing one day & something else another. Who among us is always consistent? We’ve agreed & disagreed in person & on line. You’ve always been polite – but I don’t remember either of us ever backing down. Why would we? Isn’t discussion all about non judgement, practicing keeping an open mind & learning about other people’s value systems? Not about character assassinations.

  4. I think it’s pretty bullshit that working in any aspect of the sex industry immediately means you are immediately open to talking about the quality of your tits or the details of your intimate experiences one on one with a complete stranger, particularly in a dating situation. It’s one fucking step away from that whole “if you talk about sex then you must have WANTED that sex! it can’t have really been rape!”

    If they want to read about the experiences you’ve been interested in sharing publicly, they can do so. It’s public. If they want to ask questions about it, you’re entitled to say, “I don’t want to talk about this now,” or otherwise not have the conversation. No one is entitled to your time or conversation, no matter how many times you have had the same conversation on a blog, in front of an audience, or with another person.

    I don’t think you’re particularly angry, but I don’t think you’re willing to roll over and just accept someone being a dickweed to you. Opinionated and sweet are not mutually exclusive adjectives; they do not negate one another. Furthermore, you CAN be sweet, but does that necessarily mean that you are sweet to every fool who pops up with some inane inquiry that is primarily intended to either get a rile out of you or get them off? Hardly.

  5. Yes, you’re always angry.

  6. You ask early in this post who does like people who disagree with them. The answer is many people. It depends on what the subject is and how fundamental it is to the people involved. My late parents disagreed on hundreds of things. Politics, books, movies, food … Yet they were just a week shy from their 59th wedding anniversary when my mother died. If I met a woman on a dating site or in person who agreed with everything I wrote or said I’d run away. I’m an asshole sometimes, a loser always.

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