Ghost in the Machine?

I’ve recently been receiving messages on OKC that appear to be computer generated, rather than written by real humans. My suspicions are partly due to the fact that the writer didn’t visit my profile at all. True, they could be “viewing anonymously.” But these messages eerily read like those from people who want you to send them your bank account information or other weird spammy type stuff.

Has anyone else been receiving these? What do you make of this?

Hi Cutie, over there just came across ur profile and it was quite ..captivating….. ur.. pics are cool and i felt something so i decided to mail you,perhaps we could find out something quite of a spark btw us. anyway,my ideals of a woman. i want a woman who has a lot emphathy,whos honest and willing to share a lot of love,she should be quite willing to withstand alot of care and loving.she should be a little matured in her dealing with other people,and happenings around her.she should love nature and fun.she must be God fearing. hi cutie do you think we ill make a match?if you do then ill love to hear from you 

There is nothing in my profile to lead anyone to believe I am “God fearing” and, well, might “God fearing” women be more gullible? Are women over 50 being targeted because we may be perceived as more “desperate”? I find the whole thing oddly disturbing…

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19 responses to “Ghost in the Machine?

  1. it’s not “computer-generated” but it is a scam. the tip-off indeed is “god-fearing,” which, though not intended to be a racist thing, is code for “christian.” i have male friends who get the exact same thing. there’s hardly anything eerie about it–you’re too smart and too experienced to be unnerved by this; the simplest reaction is to ignore.

  2. What she said. Also, you are making too much of this whole OK Cupid thing. It is a free service, and you are getting what you pay for. You would not expect any more from that other free service out there — Craigslist — would you? Your better option is to place yourself in settings that are disproportionately male, such as those I previously suggested. Now then, can anyone suggest some places (other than a yoga class) that a man can go to and find disproportionately many reasonable women who are looking for a man? Because I’ve yet to encounter such a place.

    • I wouldn’t say I’m making too much of OKCupid. It’s often hilarious, sometimes aggravating, but always a GREAT source of blog fodder! So there’s that. Keeping in mind that I don’t blog about positive experiences because, well, firstly they aren’t as funny. But also because if I enjoy someone I don’t want to spoil any chance of something even better blossoming by spilling their beans, so to speak. In other words, I DO have positive experiences dating. Really.
      Onto your topic, Gregor: Why are you interested in a place that is “disproportionately women” as opposed to just a nice balance? I wouldn’t want to go trolling for dates in a men’s locker room or private club. I believe it’s best to mingle in as close to a 50-50 situation as possible. As someone who has produced events — from benign cocktail mixers to sex parties — where a gender balance is desirable, the closer you can come to that 50-50, the better. Too many men and it feels like a “sausage fest;” too many women and the men tend to feel overwhelmed while the women get a little…competitive.
      So to that end, my advice is, same as yours, put yourself in new and different situations. I’ve tried and will continue to try. I don’t want to go to something that is of NO interest to me because I’d just wind up meeting people I have nothing in common with. If there’s one thing I’ve discovered through this post it’s that it is VERY important to be with like-minded people. I can tell I wouldn’t get along with the women who commented here and probably wouldn’t enjoy their male friends, either. Not a bad thing or a judgement, just an observation. I’m sure they wouldn’t enjoy my friends, either. THere are all kinds of people!

  3. cooking classes. gail monaghan (google her) offers up weekly classes. she’s not cheap but the experience is fun, plus you get to eat what you make. (she’s on 30th, i think, near 5th.)

    • Gah! Thank you for the advice but…I HATE to cook. And don’t have a whole lot of expendable income. I’m actually saving my pennies to take a millinery class at FIT, if I can afford it, though I’m sure there won’t be too many date-able men there! Of course, pursuing one’s interests is, to me at least, a bit more important than chasing men…even if this blog might have you believe otherwise!

  4. The trouble with this advice is that my interests happen to attract an OVERWHELMINGLY male crowd. So rather than follow my interests, I am willing to follow other’s interests, provided that they lead to a crowd that is at least 50% female. And yes, I’d prefer it be disproportionately female as that would be a great change of pace and no, I don’t think I’d feel overwhelmed by it all. (Don’t women seem to enjoy themselves being the center of attention on places like OK Cupid where men outnumber women by a huge margin?) But I am a reasonable man, and certainly am willing to go to places that are an even split. WHERE? I don’t do yoga (tried it, did not work out) and I simply do not cook or want to. I’m willing to fake some things, but I don’t think I can fake being interested in yoga or cooking when I have none. Ditto classes on sewing, and the domestic arts. And, again, my real interests won’t work since these attract crowds that are 95% male. Any suggestions?

    • Do you enjoy parties? Social gatherings of ANY sort? Don’t most of the usually have something approximating a 50-50 gender balance? What, if you don’t mind my asking, ARE your interests that they only attract an overwhelmingly male crowd? (And can I join you? Hahah. Not really.)
      As I said, live situations (as opposed to online ones, like OKC) are always better with a balance. Why don’t you come join me at one of the many social gatherings I attend?

      • Of course I enjoy parties. But my friends are mostly married couples and no longer have them, except with other married couples. So what are my interests, you may wonder, that they attract mostly men? Politics, history, science, economics, ham radio, machines, science fiction, cars, motors, tools etc. Things men tend to like. (I’d add to that “sex” but I’ve long since learned that the easiest way not to meet a woman is to go to any semipublic event that purports to be even semi-sexual in nature. So I do not.) And these interests, when played out in public venues, attract overwhelmingly male crowds.

        What sort of social gatherings do you attend that are at least 50% women?

      • Gregor,
        I think it’s time to take this conversation private. I’ve sent you an email inviting you to one of my social gatherings.

  5. abby, you don’t enjoy anyone who has an opinion differing with your own. of course you wouldn’t enjoy them just as you don’t enjoy the discourse from men who’s opinion(s) differ from your own. your best blog–the most revealing blog–was the one you wrote some time ago, “i’m the problem.”

    this should be the name of your blog. indeed this IS your blog and you certainly are entitled to spew whatever you choose. but when you put it out there it’s fair game for anyone to comment upon.this gets back to a side comment from one of your combatants either here or on cupid–you can dish it out but one would be hard-pressed to say you can take it.

    (and the cooking class suggestion was for gregor.)

    • Ah, okay, sorry, though the cooking thing was for me.
      Of COURSE I spew my opinions on here. It IS, after all, MY blog.
      You don’t know me. You’ve only read my words, which while an indication of who I am, do not offer a complete picture. They are one-dimensional. I would be happy to meet in person and discuss differing opinions for as long as you’d like. Contrary to what you may believe, I actually enjoy discourse and dialogue, even with those whose opinions are VERY different from mine. But live, in person, is always better than online because it includes inflection and humor and facial expressions.
      And if you find people who seek out the companionship of those who have seriously differing opinions, do let me know. Right now all of Facebook is busy de-friending each other because of differing opinions on gun control. People prefer people who are similar to themselves: politically, racially, socially, economically, you name it. You don’t see Yale grads working on Wall St. dating the homeless, do you? Yes, that’s a severe example, but…
      Anyway, I would prefer to end this thread because it’s getting tedious. You’re right. I am an opinionated cunt. But one with plenty of friends and, believe it or not, men who are interested. Eventually it will work out with one of them and this blog will become one more of the “I’m so happy I could just BURST!” blogs that bore the living shit out of me.
      Until then, I will continue to spew. And you are welcome to not read my spewing.

  6. class act

  7. so that’s two things you have in common with sarah palin.

  8. Thanks for sharing. Now I can cut and paste that to several women instead of bothering to read their profiles! You are so sweet. I can read between the lines and follow your lead.

  9. there are innumerable words to describe abby (who describes herself as an “opinionated cunt…”) “sweet” is not one of them.

  10. Out on the playa in Nevada there live little critters called Vinegaroons or whip tail scorpions. If you get bite by one it will make everything you eat taste bitter. Not sure this is what happened but maybe something bit you. No big deal just thought you might want to help Abby keep an eye out for a man with untainted taste buds. To the right guy she will be sweet.

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