Do men care about connection?
I ask the question because I just got home from a date. An excruciatingly dull date. I know. I’m a bad person. But I’m a good date. I asked questions about his life, was attentive when he responded, nodded and smiled and genuinely tried to connect. I filled in the awkward silences. And believe me, there were quite a few.
I ask the question because after a meal full of those awkward silences and a whole lot of staring at my plate, he didn’t want the date to end. I suggested we go for spiked milkshakes. Sitting at the bar, slurping on our shakes, the moments of silence felt like forever. I was having a hard time not running for the door. Instead I insisted on paying for our drinks, a move which usually telegraphs “The chances of romance are zero.”
He can’t have been riveted by my conversation. He interrupted what few stories I attempted to tell, mostly with complete non-sequitors. I thought maybe he was fucking with me. But he was a genuinely nice guy. Nice. And dull.
The deepest things got was when he said something about being ready for a relationship again. “I’m not looking for someone perfect,” he said. I interpreting that as a signal that he recognized there would be no relationship between us, I replied, “I’d rather be alone than with someone who wasn’t perfect. For me, I mean.” He mumbled, “Good luck with that,” in what sounded more sad than snappy. Uh-oh.
When we parted — and not a moment too soon — he was saying, “So, do you want to get together again?” I couldn’t contain my grimace and strained to make it seem like I was mulling it over. “Um, well…” I stammered. How could he want to see me again? Had he actually enjoyed himself? I sputtered something about the possibility of maybe seeing a friend’s band.
Less than an hour later, probably the second he got home, he sent me an email: Hey Abby, Thanks for the company let me know if you’d like to go out again maybe catch a shower something?
I’ll assume he meant “show or something.” But, really? Not only was there no chemistry, there wasn’t even enough commonality on which to base a friendship. There wasn’t much of…anything. Why in the world would he possibly want to see me again? Maybe the question should be, what DO men care about? I want to respond to his email and ask him. How to do that without sounding like a total bitch? Cause it sure didn’t feel like the best date ever on my end.