High Maintenance, Long Distance

It’s hilarious how one can experience the full arch of a relationship in just one day when you’re dealing with a complete stranger who’s 3000 miles away! This is yesterday’s example of my fleeting romance with “Dan,” from LA, a handsome 25-year-old with an impressive sex-pack:

Dan:
pic 5 sexy
i’m dan

Me:
Thanks, Dan.
You’re rather far away.

Dan:
so
whats you doing

[crickets]

Dan:
wow fucking ingore all day what a cunt i dont care no more you got big tits

Me:
Aaaaaaand thank you for proving me right that I shouldn’t waste my time responding to you!

Sigh. I never got a chance to respond to his “whats you doing” with “Nots talking to YOU!”

Yeah, my thing with “Dan” was totally physical. Now “Dr. S,” on the other hand…that was all cerebral:

Dr. S:
Hey! You are quite attractive with a great smile 🙂 How are you?! 
And hi, I’m Mike.

Me:
Hi Mike, 
Thank you. I’m good… 
You’re about the tenth “younger man” who has contacted me in the past 24 hours. Is there some sort of odd planetary alignment? 
If you don’t mind my asking, why would you email me? Aside from the age difference, which I understand as appealing, we are hundreds of miles apart. 
I’m merely trying to figure it all out…still…

Dr. S:
Ha! Well, so much for being original?
Simply since I find you attractive. I love tattoos and have always worked with older women, ever since I was in high school. I’ve related better to them based on maturity than women my own age.

Me:
I hope you aren’t offended…didn’t mean to lump you in with every other guy in the world. Hahaha. Anyway… 
I’m fascinated by how (and why) people “find” me…or anyone else. Sigh. I just wish someone closer to my age (or willing to have a long term relationship with someone my age, regardless of theirs) and closer to me geographically would be as bold and enthusiastic! It would help if they were handsome, as you appear to be!

Dr. S:
Ha, none taken. 
And agreed. The best people seem far away! 
I appreciate the compliment. What’s the youngest you’ve dated? [This is a very popular question!]

Me:
My last boyfriend (of four years) was 12 years younger. But they’ve all been younger.

Yes, me and Mike were all cerebral an’ shit until I broke his cerebrum with that little factoid. Or his ego? Who knows. Sometimes I think they just go jerk off after a few words from my goddessness! Hah! I was bored so I turned my “chat” feature on and got the usual “What are you wearing?” as well as the “What’s the biggest age difference you’ve had?” What the hell difference does it make?

I’ve gotta hand it to this guy, a rather plain looking 35-year-old local boy. He’s tried to woo me twice now:

Him:
hi, How are you doing? 
I am looking for someone mature who I could date without pressure. I live in NJ but work in Manhattan. 
Let me know if you would be interested. 
I can share my pic if I know your email 🙂 
Cheers and love, 
VK

Me:
Dude, you’ve already barked up this tree. 
I’m not interested.

Him:
i remember.. and thought you will change your mind..and you are not a tree.. you are a sweet looking nice lady!!!

Me:
What is the attraction? Why are you interested in older women? Do you think we will teach you something? Do you need to learn? Do you think we’re so starved for sex we would fuck whoever comes along? 
Please explain.

Him:
No, contrary to what you have stated, I like older women for their world experience and the maturity they bring to an intimate relationship. we are all love starved..sometimes sex starved.. but that’s not the primary driver here.. key is to know someone whose company..sexual or intimate you enjoy.. in the process if you learn..all the more better..

Me:
Ok, if you’re serious, come by the bar where I work on wednesday and introduce yourself. Let’s start there. 
14 Avenue A

Him:
why not meet somewhere else…whats your work schedule like on wed?

Me:
I want to meet you before I make a date with you. I work noon till 8.

Him:
i need to speak to you on phone before that though…

Me:
Nope. Come meet me in person. Or leave me alone. I will be there. If you want to meet me there’s your chance.

I guess my relationship with “VK” was all about playing hard to get. On both sides. I feel like I don’t really need to date. I’m working hard enough keeping all these idiots entertained and I’m never even gonna meet them. Talk about high maintenance!

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