On one of my recent semi-successful (or at least pleasant) OKCupid escapades, I wound up having a rather frank conversation about sex. We were comparing notes on dates that we’d enjoyed and those that were nightmares. One of his horror stories involved a woman in her 50s. Evidently they were having a wonderful time and, as often happens, one thing led to another which led to…bed. The woman hadn’t had sex in seven years (?!!?) and, given the outcome of their coupling, probably won’t be having sex again. Ever. The date went from the bedroom to the emergency room. Apparently that “vaginal tearing” you hear about can get pretty bloody messy. His advice to me? “Stick anything up there, a carrot, anything!” To, you know, keep it more or less, uh, elastic. I nodded in agreement.
You may have read my post a year ago about “finally” having sex: “Like Riding a Bike.” Fortunately I didn’t wind up in the med tent (Burning Man’s emergency room) and though I was worried about lubrication, everything went smoothly. Well, after another full year (?!!?) without any “action” I managed to get laid again. Twice. The guy’s an old friend — and an old fuck — someone I’d slept with a few times before. Bless his heart, he had continued propositioning me throughout my four-year “relationship” and even after. I finally caved. Though it was only a couple rolls in the hay, compared with last summer’s five (but who’s counting?), I had the same concerns.
The first time was, well, pretty much a bit of the old in/out, to quote A Clockwork Orange. But the second was an extended afternoon delight. The fact that the guy is well-endowed only exacerbated my worries. But again, I came through (though didn’t actually come) unscathed. No bloody sheets and no need for medical attention. It wasn’t exactly the, erm, juiciest fuck I’d ever experienced but I’m guessing that may have actually enhanced his enjoyment.
In any case, the fact that I really haven’t been “using it” much has not — not yet, at least — resulted in my “losing it.” I will credit my still-stretchy status to the fact that I continue to enjoy masturbating and often do so with the assistance of my favorite vibrator, Lelo’s “Mona.” (I can’t say enough lovely things about this product and sure wish I could link to my review of it on Carnal Nation, but alas, the site no longer includes anything I contributed.) It is, quite frankly, far more fun than a carrot. And will hopefully continue to keep me tear-free until the real thing “comes” along. Heh.