Today is a day to celebrate love, right? Well, I’m doing that! I love my friends, my Poodle, my apartment and myself! I’m celebrating by eating what I want, doing what I want and sending love to YOU, my dear readers! Wait, isn’t this what I do every day? Indeed it is. Which leads me to, I LOVE MY LIFE!
Anyway, I couldn’t let the day go by without a few heartfelt Valentine’s sentiments for you. First, I’d like to share a friend’s encapsulations of her most horrific dates. Enjoy!
Bad dates I have gone out with:
• a guy who wanted to take me to something called the Black and Blue Ball dressed mostly in a collar and a leash.
• a professional trumpet player who produced so much spit when we kissed that I had to continually swallow (or risk drowning).
• a guy who positioned friends of his at a table nearby to judge me and register an up or down vote.
• a coke addict, whose tooth fell out while eating a burrito.
• a guy who had ADD so badly that when I walked into his house it was like walking into Willy Wonka’s office—walls half painted, projects half finished all over.
• a Satanist; we got all the way through a long conversation about ritual without me realizing that we were not on the same page.
• a guy who stole my video camera after telling me he was using me to cheat on his girlfriend.
• a guy who had to stop in the middle of intercourse to masturbate for half an hour, before returning to me to come.
• an ex-Marine who is phobic about butter.
• a guy who seemed normal until I went home with him; he was sleeping on a pile of cardboard in his bedroom.
• a guy who said he was running a hydroponic farm in his loft, turned out to be six sick pepper plants in a bucket.
• a male prostitute who invited me to go into business with him.
• a guy who said he is anti-Semitic, then later claimed to have misrepresented himself.
• a guy who lives in a studio apartment with his mother.
• someone who is the kept man of a woman in New Jersey; she is helping him put his kids through school.
There were others, if you can believe it, but she deleted them for fear I might recognize the guys. Yes, indeed, this woman attracts all the freaks, just like I seem to! And some of them are friends of mine! Which goes to show you that, even in the biggest city in America, it’s really a small town. All my friends and I wind up being “matched” with the same guys on the online dating sites. At least we can compare hilarious notes!
And another single-and-dating friend alerted me to this little gem on Craigslist:
lets watch each other letting one out – 50 (queens)
in shape guy, d/d free, s/p hair with athletic build, looking for women only who want to watch me crank one out while I watch you do same. prefer asian ladies but all are welcome. am for real and you should be too…no pic no response….thanks
Bwah-ha-ha-ha! Oh my! There’s just SO much to love about this! LOVE his stance! Love that he “prefers asian ladies but all are welcome.” Yay! He prefers semi-petite, probably-dark-haired (and pale skinned) women but, hey, sign me up anyway! And did anyone else think something entirely different when they read “letting one out”?! I envisioned a whole different fetishy scenario!
So, happy Day of Love to you all! I hope you’re enjoying my erotica and that your life is filled with lust, love and happiness! MWAH!