Daily Archives: January 23, 2012

Gad Zoosks!

It seems there’s a neverending supply of dating sites. I found Zoosk.com while playing one of my iPhone games; I think by joining I earned Sudoku points or something. Zoosk isn’t doing anything better or different than any of the other sites. Why over 7 million people on Facebook actually “Like” them is beyond me. They call themselves the “world’s largest social dating community.” Maybe that’s why. And maybe it works better in Rabat.

The site won’t allow you to respond to emails without subscribing, which starts at $12.49 per month. However, the site responds for you if someone sends you one of their lame-ass “wink wink”s. These must be what men send when they obviously don’t know what to say or, as the gentleman who responded to a previous post here explained, they could be sending out numerous flirts to see if there’s a real human out there. On your behalf, Zoosk sends: Thanks for winking! How about sending me a short message and telling me a little about yourself instead? While I find it kind of nice that they save me time by essentially saying what I might, it gives these guys the impression that I am actually responding to them. When, in fact, I am not. Thus far, there hasn’t been anyone on here who I would consider. To say that these men take illiteracy to new heights would be an understatement. And if the question is, do they speak English, the answer is obvious when their profile is in Spanish.

The site also blocks the full email people send until you subscribe. On my laptop, I get “Become a subscriber to unlock all message.” But on my iPhone, I’m allowed a little peek at the first few words. And oh, how tantalizing they are!

His email to me:
Your mood to go in Night Club in Friday evening, [Truncated by the trick-you-into-subscribing site.] And on his profile, the caption beneath a photo of flowers:
would you like me flowers,you write,you say,you meet me

“Sam” says:
I will assume that is some new cyberspeak for beautiful. Yes?

“krinster” says:
liveinNorthjersey withmydogs,semi-retired [Truncated by the trick-you-into-subscribing site. However, the lack of punctuation was all him.]

For some reason, I received a full note from this man. Perhaps he paid up front to make sure I got his message.
Hello. My name is Lou. Most of what I you may want to know about me is in my profile page. It describes who and what I am about. Please feel free to read it if you wish. Good luck in your search for a peaceful and happy life. Take care Be safe out there. Hope to here from you. Lou … 

And from another potential suitor:
I will like to be u frend & talk u on the phone in live voice !my name is frank I’m Italian my cell .914819XXXX.im hopping I will ear from u .thank u ciao

Perhaps Zoosk is running ads in classes teaching English as a Second Language. I can’t grasp how men who appear unable to even type find themselves both online and online dating. Match.com is the most famous. How do they wind up on all these other more obscure — and, one might assume, less effective — sites? Maybe they’re all playing Sudoku like I am!

Day 11, January 21
1. No meditating. Oops.
2. Didn’t work out. I had a vicious hangover and was just…lazy.
3. Blogged/wrote “Misled. Or Left Out.
4. I watched way too much TV while being a lump on the couch.
5. Nothin’.
6. Socializing: Brunch, which was about two hours…

Day 12, January 22
1. No meditating. I’ve been bad.
2. 30 minutes of working out.
3. No blogging or writing.
4. Watched the Giants beat The 49ers!
5. I brought up another box and actually opened it. That was as far as I got before feeling completely overwhelmed.
6. Socializing: 5 hours of football and beer.