Love and online dating: both are definitely a two-way street situation. As it is in a crowded room, one person checks the other person out, sends a “flirt,” a wink or a smile, perhaps even an email. (Or, in the case of SeniorPeopleMeet, a flaming heart or whatever) The other person responds…or they don’t. If you follow my posts, it may often appear as though I’m a sitting duck (or chick, if you will), fielding flirtation from dozens of online suitors. I rarely tell you about the men I email who don’t respond. Somehow that just doesn’t seem quite as hilarious. Hah. Well, here are a few.
I sent this message to a guy in LA whose profile picture was of someone skateboarding at Burning Man.
Hey, you’re skateboarding at my friends’ camp! Sorry to bother you from afar…I’m always compelled to click on the playa pix…
He never responded.
A friend “recommended” this guy’s profile, thinking he’d be a good match for me. I checked him out; one of his pix was captioned “Sunday mornings are not pretty.” I thought it was a cute picture. I sent him this:
I disagree with your assessment of Sunday mornings. That shot is great! A friend told me to look you up on here…curious why that marshmallow robot hasn’t ever tossed you my way. Check out my profile and see if anything piques your interest.
This guy was both one of my “Quiver Matches” and of definite interest:
Hmmm, I think I can say yes to all of your “You should message me if”s…
The marshmallow robot has put you in my Quiver and suggested I send you a lovely email. Dunno how lovely this is…your “responds selectively” is preventing me from spinning a lengthy yarn. But I thought I’d drop you a line and see if you’d be up for a beer or something. I’ve noticed that you’ve visited my profile…not sure if that means you aren’t interested or shy. Which is it, Sir Cutup? Enjoy this sunny Thursday!
And again, no response.
I can only conjecture why men don’t respond. They aren’t interested is the obvious one. Maybe they’ve met someone. Or are simply too busy. OKCupid has a feature that tells you how often people respond: Often, Selectively or Rarely. I respond to every guy who emails me, regardless of how rude or ridiculous, age or geographically inappropriate. I try not to mislead — or lead on — anyone. If I’m not interested, I do my best to let them know politely and gently, often with “Best of luck in your search,” which I believe sounds rather final. Of course, even when I’ve been pushed to say something as definitive as “There is no way there would ever be any romance between us,” some men manage to maintain optimism.
Meeting someone online — and subsequently in person — is a crapshoot and, in a way, a miracle. Two strangers synch up their schedules, suspend their cynicism and mistrust and put themselves in the same room…it takes a lot of…what? Faith? Hope? Both, and yes, optimism. Sometimes I find it difficult to believe that it even happens. And I do it all the time!
Whether I’m turning someone down or being the one (silently) turned down, I do my best to keep hoping.