Daily Archives: December 14, 2011

(Putting Your Ass) On (the) Line (by) Dating. Or Not.

On OKCupid there’s a feature called “Quickmatch.” They throw profiles at you and ask you to rate them, one to five stars. If you give someone five stars, the site lets them know. So the other day, I received a lovely email from OKCupid informing me “Someone chose you!” I dutifully clicked to see who’d had such stellar taste and found “UniquelyCharmin.” He is only 5’8″ but his profile is snarkily amusing. At the very least I thought we might enjoy a beer together or that he’d be interested in attending one of my singles’ events. Our correspondence went thusly:

Uh, okay! I see you “chose me” on Quickmatch or one of the other games on this goofy site. You sound pretty hilarious. Plus I’m always up for free drinks! So….

So you want to use me for free drinks. How special I feel.

Um, well, you DID put that in your profile. It was actually a joke…Where’s your sense of humor (and your recollection of what you wrote in your “long” profile)?
Sorry to have gotten off on the wrong cyber-foot.

You didn’t. I was kidding when I wrote it. I guess I should have put a smiley face next to it. I actually really enjoyed writing my profile and the feedback has been very interesting. I am a writer and enjoy the writing process. However, I don’t enjoy the dating process or the questions that come with the process. So, thank you for reading and I hope you have a great holiday season.

Yeah, well, I guess humor doesn’t translate through the ether. So now that we were both kidding, you still want to say goodbye?
Double sigh.

Yes. The whole concept of dating is annoying, predictable and just banal. I don’t date. Sorry. OH and just to set your mind at ease about me… I am a Hard Core Right Wing Republican. You would not like me. 🙂 But you look great and I am sure you will find some great guy. Have a great holiday season.

So you are on this site…why? Just to annoy people? You don’t date? Being on a dating site and simply irritating people is far more annoying — and banal — than actually putting yourself on the line and dating.
I will, indeed, have a great holiday season.
I hope you wind up with coal in your stocking.

And then I blocked him.

Now I ask you, as I asked him, why is this guy on a dating site? If he finds dating to be “annoying, predictable and just banal” what purpose does his time spent — or more accurately wasted — on such sites serve? Given his bespectacled and doughy visage, receding hairline and somewhat corpulent physique, I can’t imagine it was for any ego boosts. Perhaps he enjoys soft-core porn and uses this as masturbation fodder? Or maybe he’s writing a hilarious blog about his interactions, as I do. Whatever the reason, his complete and utter lack of sincerity is not just disappointing, it’s disheartening. Laying your heart, as well as your ego, on the line is never easy. To be lured in and condescended to is yet another twist of the knife. As I told this confessed “hard core right wing Republican,” I hope he finds coal in his stocking. And a decided lack of proper circulation in his cock! Ho ho ho!

No Pants December: Day 14

Today Lynne and I went to MoMA. I wore the same thing I wore yesterday. I think. I can’t really remember! But I know it wasn’t pants!