Daily Archives: November 9, 2011

Vast (Cyber) Wasteland

Sigh. I have been feeling SO scattered! Not having internet access in my apartment is a royal pain in the ass. I just can’t quite concentrate in the coffee shop. Hopefully I get something hooked up soon! Until then, the best I can do blog-wise is complain about blind dating…

I’ve only been back in NYC two weeks and I managed to schedule 10 dates. As a result I’ve tolerated paranoid emails, name-calling, cancellations, rescheduling and feeling ridiculed. I’ve had to buy my own beer and my own tea, and when dinner was paid for, it was done so begrudgingly, since the dude’s ex-wife wasn’t as financially independent as he would’ve liked. Mind you, he chose a really expensive restaurant or I would’ve paid. Hell, I didn’t order an appetizer (or a second beer…or dessert) just in case I did have to pay. But he offered. And then complained about it in an email. Whatthefuckever. He almost fell off his barstool when he saw my (wrist) tattoos. I asked him if he actually looked at my profile pix, since my crown tattoo is very visible. In that aforementioned email, he also said, “I was a little suprised at how tall you were.” Yet one more little factoid that was INCLUDED IN MY PROFILE!

So yeah, the dates I actually went on have been varying shades of tolerable. The latest was a nice guy, if not a match made in heaven, but I can’t quite grasp how it was we wound up out together. I’m beginning to lose faith in OKCupid’s marshmallow robot! One gentleman sent me a note assuming I’d be “surprised by his profile,” one that was accompanied by a shot of him in black underwear, holding a whip. He thought he was interested in BDSM but, when it came down to it, is only seeking a woman who’ll take charge in the bedroom. I assured him that his profile did not surprise me in the least, given my bizarre lives, and met with him, more or less, on a “consultation” basis. I enjoyed his company and hope to introduce him to a few sexually aggressive females!

SeniorPeopleMeet has been a horror show. One guy cancelled on me, rescheduled and then cancelled again. He said he had a chemo appointment. Now, if that’s true, I’d be happy to reschedule again. And if it’s a lie, it’s a pretty evil one. Fortunately I found one guy on there who’s actually a burner. I won’t get my hopes up, but at least he won’t make fun of me — and Burning Man — through an entire meal. Ugh. How do I communicate to men that I’m not interested in “squares” without sounding like a square myself? “Don’t be a muggle!”? I don’t even know what “normal” is anymore.

Well, at least my one-month membership on SPM will be expiring (not a moment too) soon! Check out these gems:

like to ride motorcycles go to dinner i am new at this.

[Uh, that’s pretty obvious. Are you new at typing, too? Sheesh! This next guy’s screen name is WILDJIM. Uh-huh, really wild!]

i am a veteran i do a lot for the clubs of the vets my passion in life is are my kids and grandkids

[Yup, nothin’ like grandkids to say, “Whoa, baby, I’m a WILD man!]

Hey girl… I just viewed your profile. My name is Bob and I am here in Reynoldburg Ohio. A couple quick things; I am self employed and a Antique Furniture Dealer. I do have some cars and my favorite is my 1969 Firebird Convertible with 912HP engine. Yes it is quick and fast. You will see this in my photo’s. I do want to mention that I do not know you other than by your photos. I like to joke around and please don’t take this comment only as a complement… Well from what I see from your photo’s I would travel across the Sahara Desert in 120 degree heat barefoot and walk across many pieces of glass just to hear you tinkle in a pop can :)) Smile!!! 
Hey I am Reynoldsburg Ohio and you can give me a call on my cell phone at 000-000-0000.

[Yeah, I get it. You’re in Reynoldsburg, OH. So why the hell are you writing to me? Are you gonna drive that super-fast ’69 Firebird all the way to Manhattan to meet me? Oh. Wait. Tinkle in a pop can? Sooooo not my thing, dude!]

I want you, my dear readers, to know that, if nothing else, these dates (or near dates) are all blog fodder so I can continue to entertain you. If I were only (only? ONLY!) looking for true love, I would’ve jumped off a bridge ages ago! Cause online dating is a fucking vast wasteland! Anyway…onward!