DPW Talent Show Songs

On the last Saturday night of Playa Restoration, we have the DPW Talent Show. My first year working some of the talent included a guy who could suck his own cock and a bunch of guys shot-gunning beers and puking into a trash can. Each year the show has become a bit more sophisticated; we’ve even had an opera singer! But the most fun “talent” is rewriting songs with topical lyrics. Austintatious wrote her “MOOPiest Things” in 2006 and did a reprise of it this year; I performed my third DPW ditty. Below are the lyrics for all three of my silly songs, for the sake of posterity:

2011
DPW
(Sung to the tune of YMCA)
Douchebag, you don’t need to leave town
I said, hippy, pick your MOOP off the ground
I said, dickwad, you’re on Resto crew now
There’s no need for you to melt down!

Homeless, here’s a place you can stay
I said, broke-ass, 50 dollars a day
You can stay here, in the Gerlach Estates
You’ll ex-per-i-ence al-tered states!

It’s great to be on the DPW
It’s fun to play with the DPW
Every day at morale, we all start to get drunk
You can hang out with all the punks
DPW, it’s great to be on the DPW
You can get yourself high
You can learn to throw clods
You can drink Vodka of the Gods!

Dumbass, are you listening to me?
I said, loser, where do you want to be?
I said, fucktard, it’s the job of your dreams
But you’ve got to learn this one thing
No one parties all on his own
I said, share your nitrous, acid and blow
It’s a haven from Reality Camp
You can wear Bur-ning Man’s garbage!

It’s fun to be on the DPW
It’s great to be with the DPW
You can get yourself laid
You can punch Andy’s balls
You can snort drugs off your friend’s cock!

DPW, it’s great to be with the DPW
You can get yourself fluffed
You can get yourself fed
You can sleep in a lumpy bed!

Jerkoff, I was once in your boots
I said, fuck-up, I was rollin’ in loot
But my job was just a terrible bore
I wanted to en-joy my  life more!
That’s when DA came up to me
And said, Stabby, take a walk up the street
There are trailers and some portapotties
And an awe-some all night par-ty!

It’s fun to be with the DPW
It’s great to be on the DPWW
We’ve got Mutiny Day
With a stuffed horse to kill
You can fry your brains for a thrill!
DPW, it’s fun to be with the DPW…

2010
MELTDOWN MONDAY
(sung to the tune of Manic Monday)
Six o’clock already
Trailer 8’s still up in the dark
Gotta get to the meeting
Catch the bus when it leaves the trailer park
Another day of line sweeps
Lookin’ forward to our 3 o’clock beer
These are the days when you wonder How the hell did I get here?

It’s just another meltdown Monday (oh-oo-oh)
After day off Sunday (oh-oo-oh)
Too much booze in one day (oh-oo-oh)
Hey don’t give Eve a gun day (oh-oo-oh)
It’s just another meltdown Monday

The dirt clods are flyin’
Someone got hit in the eye
The meltdown bugs are swarmin’
And StAbby is startin’ to cry
We’re hallucinating hot spots!
Asshole turf and broken glass
Everyone’s half naked, I can see way too much of your ass

It’s just another meltdown Monday (oh-oo-oh)
The very last one day (oh-oo-oh)
Restoration’s done day (oh-oo-oh)
Hey this has been fun day (oh-oo-oh)
Just another meltdown Monday (oh-oo-oh)

2009
FEELIN’ STABBY
(sung to the tune of Feelin’ Groovy)
Fuck off, you MOOP too slow
Cut off the dreds and let your hair grow
Just pickin’ my nose and dodgin’ rocks
Lookin’ for trash ‘n’ feelin’ stabby
Ba-da-da-da-da-da-da…feelin’ stabby

Hello douchebag
Whatcha smokin’
Ya think that’s workin’
Ha, you’re jokin’
Ain’t ya got no place to be
Do-it-in-do-doo you make me stabby

Checked out on my life
Became an ex-wife
I’m fucked up and filthy and ready to slice
Any chick that my boyfriend is being nice to
Bitch I’ll cut you
All is stabby

Hate your piercings
Hate your get up
Why don’t you do a fuckin’ sit-up?
Your belly sticks out further than your chest
It isn’t your best
It makes me stabby
Ba-da-da-da-da-da-da…feelin’ stabby

Hey there hippy
Hide your SawzAll
Don’t fuck with me I’m menopausal
Ain’t ya got no meds for me
Keep me on E or else I’m stabby
Ba-da-da-da-da-da-da…feelin’ stabby

[This is where my “playa name” of “StAbby” originated. Guess who the “do a sit-up” line was about? Yup, the chick my ex was fucking during clean-up this year. He used to make fun of her too. Hah. Whatever.]

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