Emotionally Trying Friday

I took the weekend off. I’ve been regarding this blog as my job, since I don’t really have one. And I needed a rest. It was a very peculiar and somewhat trying Friday, followed by a bunch of fun on Saturday. This is gonna be a long one…in fact, I’m gonna break it into two separate posts…I’ll start with my emotionally draining Friday the 13th.

I had lunch plans with The Poet. We’d been exchanging involved emails discussing complex issues that I thought would be best communicated about live, so I was looking forward to it. We dug into the deep stuff right away. I told him about my “date” the previous evening with another Ashley Madison man. Yeah, I’d “retired” from that but this guy was already “in the pipeline,” so I’d agreed to meet him. I shared with The Poet how this guy, still married, had already had a three-year relationship but remained with his wife. I was baffled. We covered a lot of difficult territory, most of which is so personal that there’s no point in sharing it here. We briefly touched on coincidences and the concept of “there are no accidents.” Strange… On our previous lunch date I was almost in tears a few times. This particular day it was The Poet whose eyes welled up. As we parted, he said I’d given him a lot to think about.

By the end of our lunch, and a conversation that continued in the park, I was pretty exhausted. But I had made plans to meet a DPW friend visiting NYC. I was a little leery about getting together with the guy because he works on the same crew as my ex. It makes me uncomfortable to let people into my life who might share information about me with him. Not that it matters, I suppose, since he’s let me know that he reads this blog. Which in itself is creepy. Anyway. You, dear readers, know what I’ve been going through, at least over these past few months I’ve been writing this…Bloggers don’t have too many secrets, I guess.

My friend Sandra came over around 6. “What does this ex-boyfriend of yours look like?” she asked, completely out of the blue. I have a few pix on my hard drive and showed those to her, then said, “Oh, there are some more recent ones on Facebook.” When I clicked on those I thought it odd that he was no longer “tagged” in the photos but figured he must’ve “un-tagged” himself. Whatever.

Sandra and I went to 2A, where my DPW friend joined us for drinks and popcorn. A few beers in, he flashed his phone at me: an email from my ex to their crew list. “Why are you showing me that?” I asked, puzzled. “I thought you guys were okay,” he said, quickly putting his phone back in his pocket when he saw the look on my face. “No, we aren’t okay,” I told him. He immediately apologized and generally felt lousy. Over the next few hours a rather ugly and disappointing story came out.

This man had been seeing a woman for over a year. She and my ex had been “hanging out” recently, but the ex assured my friend, “You’ve got nothing to worry about, dude,” and claiming, “There’s nothing going on.” A week before he left on this trip that brought him to NYC, he took this woman to a party attended by many of his crew friends, including my ex. She had spent the night before with my friend, at his place. Within an hour of arriving at the party, my friend wondered where his date had gone. The woman at whose house the party was being held said, “I’ll show you.” This guy followed her, along with a few other fellow crew members, as she opened a bedroom door to reveal my ex fucking this guy’s date. Apparently everyone found this to be most amusing, since they all laughed.

Okay. I know I’ve been asking this a lot lately, but WHAT THE FUCK IS THE MATTER WITH PEOPLE? How many horrible things are wrong with this picture? Aside from my personal feelings about it all — and, hey, I have NO claims on my ex….none — as one human to another, who would do such a shitty thing? Lie to a friend. Fuck his date. In the middle of a party. And the woman who led the guy to see this? What on earth was she thinking? Is humiliating a friend some new sort of sport? Everyone who laughed? Is the embarrassment of someone you care for funny? It all makes me ill.

Well, having received his news I was, surprisingly, not nearly as upset as I would’ve thought I’d be. I’m already staring down a summer where I’m assuming I’ll have to see this dreaded ex at three meals a day. It will now be easier. It made me wonder, though, about his photos being “un-tagged” so I checked Facebook. He is not only no longer my “friend,” he has “blocked” me. I feel like a 12-year-old even talking about this but Facebook seems to encourage junior high-like behavior. Blocking is a pretty aggressive move and, in this case, was totally unnecessary, as I began “hiding” his posts, so I wouldn’t see any of them, way back in November. I hadn’t looked at his page for months. Again, whatever.

My friends are in agreement that this news — and the ex’s rather douchebaggy behavior — was a gift, a first step down the road toward finally falling out of love with him. I’ve repeatedly tried to be his friend, only to be shown, sadly, how lousy he is at being a friend. This skeezy scenario only reinforces my opinion. It won’t be pretty having to see the guy but at least being able to hold that tableau in my mind any time I think I still have feelings for him will be a big help. Onward!

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7 responses to “Emotionally Trying Friday

  1. this is beyond reproach, and absolutely reprehensible. i’m so sorry.

  2. It seems fishy why the DPW ” friend” would flash not only his cellphone email in front of you, but the whole story ( HIS side of story, mind you) to you in particular… most obvious, you are not the only DPW in the whole wide NYC. ( and He sought You out for a drink!!!- definetly a guy on or with a mission)Has he always been that cordial to you when in NYC?And do you or does he consider each other to be friends or just acquaintances?( according to this blog… NO.. otherwise he would have a clue about you and your ex, and not a clue extracted from your blogs). What is the relationship between your visiting “friend” and your ex? Are they real friends towards each other? (if they are not, then the visiting dude has a lot of guts to drop this shit on you; a true friend would have a different approach). And finally, who would you still trust more ( deeply in your heart)the visiting DPW random “friend” or your ex, with whom, obviously, you spent more intimate time with, shared more of life and whose character you would simply know a bit better…
    May be the devil is not as bad as it was painted, may be the “visitor” sought you out for a different reason, and not just a friendly drink.May be afterall there are no accidents but coincedences.

    • These are all valid points.
      My friend flashed his phone at me thinking I was fine with the ex because the ex had told him (and apparently anyone who would listen) that I broke HIS heart. Uh-huh.
      The visiting friend put out on the DPW list that he would be in town, wondering who’d like to get together. No, I am not the only DPW in NYC, just one of four. Of these four, one is always busy working, one has somewhat closed herself off from burners in general, and the other hung out with the guy the night before I did. So this guy didn’t seek ME out specifically…
      The two (my ex and this guy) aren’t BEST friends or anything, just co-crew members on what had been good terms. A good friend wouldn’t have been fucking his friend’s girlfriend. Even a co-crew member wouldn’t be fucking a co-crew member’s girlfriend. How this guy behaved or delivered this news to ME doesn’t reflect on their friendship, really.
      As to who I would trust more, I don’t have any reason not to trust this friend. He didn’t “try” anything with me and couldn’t be interested in dating me (or whatever) since we live 3000 miles apart. I can’t imagine what his “reasons” to seek me out were beyond having someone he knew to hang out with in NYC.
      I can’t say I much trust my ex, not that I have any need or reason to, at this point. He hasn’t betrayed me or anything. We have been broken up for a year now. But when we were together he did plenty of crappy, creepy things that I just made excuses for…
      In the end, there are no “devils,” perhaps only coincidences… It is all for the best, really.
      Abby

  3. From what I know of James, his behavior is pretty congruent with the story told here. I’m really glad I found your blog; he spun the same sad sob story about you breaking his heart to me, and…painted a very different picture. You deserve someone who isn’t morally bankrupt.

    • Yes she does deserve more, and better.

      This is about the most fucked up thing I ever read. I’ll save my own histrionics. Mine aren’t nearly as sensational…

      Abby, you got my email. Your call.

  4. Pingback: Ex’s Exes | Welcome to My Words!

  5. Pingback: Stalking | Welcome to My Words!

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