Caring for the Elderly…

…even when they won’t give up! I’ve made it pretty clear in both my online profiles that I’m not interested in older men. I haven’t dated anyone older since before I got my driver’s license. I’m simply not attracted to older men, now especially, when “older” is practically synonymous with white-haired, paunchy and boring as hell. My warning off of these men doesn’t always work; hope springs eternal where there’s Viagra to help other things spring. I probably shouldn’t even respond to these old men and their cyberpasses but I can’t help myself. I believe it’s polite to reply, doing unto others as I’d have done to me. OR in their cases, not done to me… Here are a few of my recent online encounters with older men:

Subject: and now for something completely different

Dear Jade
The saying goes that a cynic is a frustrated optimist. I guess that fits particularly well here. You say you will be surprised if I can show you something new. But to me every woman is a completely new experience. Kissing is different, often even at different times with the same woman. Making love is certainly different, if you are paying any attention at all. Every woman wants to be touched in different ways and is excited by different things. And is not always in the mood for the same thing. That’s one of the wonderful things about making love. It’s never the same. Of course I can’t guarantee to provide you with that zing we are both seeking. It might be there…. Only one way to find out. Please read my profile and then get in touch and we can see about making you simply an optimist.
Bob”

Hello “Bob,”
Thank you for your kind note. I read your profile and you sound like a lovely man. However, I can’t imagine the two of us together in any way. You are free to google me: EditrixAbby (check Facebook), read my blog (www.editrixabby.wordpress.com) or my web site (www.editrixabby.com). It will be pretty obvious what kind of life I lead. And though you say in your profile that you’re looking to see different places and do different things, I somehow can’t envision you spending three months in the Nevada desert working for Burning Man. It’s getting depressing seeing how many men out there (in here?) are so unhappily married. I’m not sure which is sadder, the 60+ men such as yourself, when one would hope to have found someone to get old with, or the 20-somethings who are already miserable and looking to cheat. It’s all a pretty discouraging situation… I wish you the very best in your search.
Abby

Subject: Thank you for responding
Dear Jade,
Thanks for your kind response. There is so much incredible rudeness in these on-line dating sites. I always respond to anyone who contacts me, even if to try to politely say no thanks. I read some of your blog at EditrixAbby. I found it both hilarious, the way you send up the men, and sad. Here is what tiny wisdom I have. Emphasis on tiny. I left my wife for awhile. It made my kids and family miserable. My kids are the most important thing in the world. Also, my dating experiences on websites for singles were awful. So I went back. Things were better for awhile, but the basic problems remain. I’m often lonely and unhappy and like you, I don’t know what I want. So I look for sex to make me feel better. Is that a good solution? No. Does that make me a good person? No. Have I actually hooked up with any on this site? No. So why do I keep at it? Humans are not totally rational, are we. And the need for connection is strong and sex is one of life’s wonders. Life is not simple. People find themselves in situations that are not easy to leave. There is lots of unhappiness in the world. And they try to find some small pleasure. Yes, many people are self-absorbed jerks. You didn’t need to come here to discover that, but it may be more on display here. This is after all a website for men and women who want to cheat. So why be surprised to find that. You sound like me in that there are things driving you that you don’t understand. I’m sure wise folk would tell both of us that the route to happiness is through self understanding and that you can’t love another if you don’t love yourself.
Best in your search.
Bob”

Subject:  right, friends first, then lovers
Dear Jade,
Wanted to make one more comment. Like you, all my significant relationships came from being friends first and then falling in love. Seems the right way to go about it. Means there is some real basis to the attraction and some hope of it lasting for awhile. So if a real connection is what you are looking for why waste your time on this site? You may have some fun making fun, but you won’t find anything really worth much. Of course you could ask me the same question…. And I would refer you to my previous message.
Best,
Bob”

I’m on thus site for the same reasons I do many things: I’m an experience junkie and everything makes good blog fodder. My relationships have not been friends first. The last three were one night stands that became more. I have, literally, hundreds of friends. I meet new people often and easily. This site is merely another avenue. Though you do seem intelligent and thoughtful, both rarities on here, I don’t think we would ever be friends. Our lives are far too different. I appreciate your candid thoughts and opinions and hope you find happiness.
Abby

Subject: fond farewell
Jade,
Ah, you and I agree on so many things. We agree that we are not likely lovers or even friends. We agree that nice in this context is an insult. And we agree that no means no.
I wrote back to your first clear rejection because you were so polite about it and that is rare in this space so I wanted to acknowledge it and thank you.
And I wrote back because you invited me to view your web presence, which I did. And a few things I read there prompted me to respond, one human to another. You say many contradictory things, much makes you no different than the rest of us. Some of them touched me. You invited me in to that space. I thought it polite to comment. Just to be clear, I was not still trying to convince you how winning I am. Here, clearly, I’m not.
Enjoy,
Bob”

___________________

Very impressive web search
you are hot stuff and
i like it, ooh! ooh! pick me, plz! 

Hey there!
I am older, not younger, no fooling. We marginally match according to statisitcs, but I found no one that I would fit as well as with you. I am the Peter Pan, the mid summer’s night dream, the residdent from New Orleand, Austin and SF. Yes, I did live all over, love to be dressed up, tall and what I would like to do to you that you would enjoy if I catch you. You are getting older, so the body may not be so forgiving, but we could hit the all night and after hours places or just stay home and party. I used to own spots in flea markets, like brunches and nearly everything you do, I like also. I did fly planes and I do go boating, go naked on the beach and so much more.
Can you enjoy a older guy who is sincere and honest, fun and real active and would appreciate you on the inside and out and every contradiction. Lets visit and maybe even live on different continents. Vist Australia or South Pole? Tahitiaand Bora Bora.
Tempted? Now you know how I feel.

Hi,
Yes, I can probably enjoy an older guy. Whether or not I can have sex with you is a whole other story. Attraction and chemistry doesn’t follow logic, unfortunately. Or I suppose no one would be single.
I’d be happy to have lunch or whatever…and see what happens. But please don’t expect anything!
A

I never expect anything and sometimes surprised by what I do get. Sounds different, but the fun is in the play and the exploration of someone, sometimes more than the act of intercourse itself, like the guy cupping your breasts.
I once gave a woman an orgasm by foot massage and it was a first date with all our clothes on. So one never knows.
Btw, I got this after perusing your web and blog sites and after I sent the second message. Oops! Your are extraordinary, not for the sexual antics, but the open and honest adult communication without and inhibitions. I did standup comedy and always had to bite my tongue. Maybe I can get to bite yours.
Meet me with no expectations and no agenda, maybe even go for a bike ride, laugh and be spontaneous. You may decide that I can keep up. OMG, can I be a match?

I think I’m gonna have to say no. I’m sorry. I just can’t deal right now.
Too much unbridled enthusiasm based on my web presence is not a good thing. It is definitely not who I am in person.
Sorry.
A

Sorry, about the exuberance. Was about your writing styles, not about your topics or your web presence. Guess you mis-read, but that is okay as we are not always in a good place all the time. I found the idea that your contradictions were appealing, especially the quiet private time, just two out for a picnic but your capability to dress for a holiday. I am like this all the time, so I wish you luck and if you ever want to just meet for a bite to eat and find out whom I am, that is fine.

___________________

Hello Alla:
You had a very nice profile and I hope we would both enjoy meeting each other. I’m seeking a woman that is cool, laid-back, relaxed yet adventurous. I’m secure, bright and witty, with a sense of humor, so hopefully we will talk and laugh a lot together. It also seems we are both lovers of life, with an edge.
I am a 56 year old Harlemite, a fledgling entrepreneur and socially active. I founded a small charity sending medical equipment to third world countries; I belong to several Chivalric Orders (knighthoods) and I ran some formal balls; yet I managed punk bands in the late 70’s. Even though I’m a cis-male, I am very queer friendly.On the kink side, I am Dom, though I do like a little pain.
I enjoy riding, painting and cooking; in fact few things give me greater pleasure than preparing dinner for someone I care about. I read to distraction and like going to museums (I make a good tour guide). I have been known to sing in public and I often wear kilts, so I hope that won’t scare you off.
Perhaps we can chat soon.
Sincerely yours,
Evan” 

Hello, “Evan,”

Who is Alla? Not me. My name is Abby.
I appreciate your fact-filled email. Unfortunately I’m just not interested. I haven’t had much luck with love on this site and lately haven’t felt motivated to go on any more dates. It’s simply not a “normal” dynamic and not how I interact — and successfully get to know — people. On the kink side, I’m neither a domme or a sub, really, but am really not even kinky. So I’m not up for experiencing OR inflicting any pain…
Wearing kilts would NEVER scare me off, as I’m sure you’re aware if you’ve researched me at all…and certainly if you didn’t think your “kink” wouldn’t scare me off. Hah.
I’m sure you are all those wonderful things you’ve listed and more but I just don’t have the bandwidth anymore…
Best of luck in your search!
Abby 


I mis-typed, so sorry Abby. Thank you for the kindest rejection letter, I have ever received. I thought it delightful.
Sincerely,
Evan” 

And still more from the recipient of my most brutal blow-off email ever:

Date:  Apr 29th – 10:26pm
From:  david9105
Subject:  you
Extremely curious about you and would love to learn more about you and what you are looking for. Your profile says a lot but I suspect there is a lot more. How do I find you?

Date:  Apr 30th – 8:43am
From:  david9105
Subject:  RE: RE: you
Still wondering, but will be patient.

Date:  May 2nd – 6:42pm
From:  david9105
Subject:  you
Shall I give up?

Date:  May 2nd – 11:59pm
From:  Jaded-est
Subject:  RE: you
I don’t know how many more times you’d like me to tell you I’m not interested before you give up. I can continue to reject you if that’s what you enjoy.
A

Date:  May 3rd – 12:06am
From:  david9105
Subject:  RE: RE: you
Sorry I missed it. It would not have worked anyway.I just reread your profile and did not realize certain things about you. 

Date:  May 3rd – 12:40am
From:  Jaded-est
Subject:  RE: RE: RE: you
Like what, that I said I don’t date older guys?
Date:  May 3rd – 12:51am
From:  david9105
Subject:  older men
Didn’t realize that you were so obstinate about younger men. Also didn’t realize tat you were a little taller than I was interested in. 

Date:  May 3rd – 1:17am
From:  Jaded-est
Subject:  RE: older men
Hahahahahahahahah! 

Date:  May 4th – 1:12am
From:  david9105
Subject:  youuuuuuuuu
Glad you have a good sense of humor. We may not be for each other but you can still tell me a few things about yourself. We could always be friends.
Signed, The rejected old man.
 

Date:  May 5th – 11:58pm
From:  david9105

Subject:  youuuuuuuuu
How are you?

Wow. You’ve really gotta hand it to this guy. He just keeps swingin’!









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