Pricks on Parade!

Aw, fuck it. I’ve been working on this for WAY too long! For some reason, wordpress isn’t cooperating with my attempt at layout design. I’ll leave it up to you to figure out which words go with which photos. Sigh.

For some reason I’m feeling oddly agitated. No idea why. I’ve felt this way for the past few days, on good days and on bad days…I’ve been finding it difficult to formulate thoughts well or have patience with…anyone or anything. So I’m afraid I won’t be filling you in on my weekend just yet. In lieu of that, however, I can “insert photo” a few times in hopes of offering you some long-awaited dis-membering entertainment. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you my recently amassed “Rogue’s Gallery” of assholes with handheld cameras!

Let’s start with the horror of the mirror self-portrait. Like this one, for example. Really tells you a lot, doesn’t it? Look, I have a mirror! And a camera! And an arm! What is it about this photo that would inspire any woman to date the headless, faceless idiot who took it? Anyway, onward. The photos I’ve assembled weren’t all shot in bathrooms. Often I would hit DELETE so quickly when faced with dirty towels in the background or a side angle of a toilet that all I have left now are the “better” shots. Sweet Jesus.

These guys are clearly impressed with their six-packs! However, they don’t want you to see their faces.



 
Ooooh, so close! He almost shows us his cock. And is that middle one him jerking off? Inside of his panties? What the hell? And speaking of panties…


If the files weren’t so small these could almost be an ad for underpants! I wonder if he’s as cute as Mark Wahlberg.


This gentlemen was kind enough to send me his secret key twice. The first time I was so freaked out I couldn’t deal; the photo he shared was a headless side-view of his saggy belly. No cock, sadly enough…just flab. Lemme at ‘im! I can’t believe I deleted it. Evidently that wasn’t a big seller because when he sent me his second secret key, I was treated to this series of “Bend-Over Boyfriend-type” action shots!

Here are a few men with cocks and balls! Oh, and faces! Which is what I meant when I said balls. They’re not afraid to show their faces. But I didn’t get to see their balls. : (

I wrote to this guy and told him, “Hi there, I’m really not interested in just hooking up… And if you don’t mind my offering you a bit of unsolicited advice, you might want to change your photo. Urinals are not, as a rule, very alluring… Best of luck to you! Yup, he shared his face and his office men’s room! Thanks, dude!

But okay, I know you’re asking, “Where are the penises?” I wouldn’t let you down and I won’t. Here they come. Yes, that’s a warning. If you don’t want to see hard-ons, now’s your chance to go watch some LOL cats on YouTube! Or whatever.


This dude offered his mirror shirtcocking self-portrait and his penis! And not just his plain ol’ penis, oh no! His foreskin-peeping penis AND his emerged cock-head penis! What a giver!

I loved the juxtaposition of these two shots. “Dreamlover69” wants women to see him golfing. Then he wants us to see an extreme close-up of his pubes! The question is, which one is less appealing?


And here we have another sports fan. Is that a shot of him with a World Series trophy? With his face all Photoshop swirled? And then what? His huge cock!

“Discret” [sic] shared four phallus photos but I got the feeling that none of them were actually him. (His?) Don’t they look suspiciously like porn shots?



Now for just a quick penis parade:

And one gentleman wanted you to see his cock but apparently didn’t want to give you any idea of its scale, so all he shared was the head of his cock! Hahahaha!
Now, if you’ve made it to the end of this pornographic cornucopia, you’ve earned an extra special treat! Not another prick, not even an enormous one! Nope. I’m gonna share a hottie with you who uses the screen name “Do_You_Gush,” a suave and sophisticated 52-year-old married man who is hungry for an affair. I responded to his come-on immediately but never heard back from him. I’m assuming he’s just so completely overwhelmed by the hundreds of responses he’s received that he simply doesn’t have time for me. Sigh. I can only wait…and wish… And work on my “gushing.” Here ya go:

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