Ima Cunt

On OkCupid, I attract every polyamorist, bisexual, crossdressing, BDSM-inclined sex freak in the country! So I’m not surprised when guys like “ISOPoly” or “BoyInDress” checks my profile or drops me an email. I’m always a bit more boggled when they’re from far away or unwilling to meet in person or unavailable in some other similar way. Today I noticed this guy had viewed my profile so I clicked on his. Yes, the photo is of him over Santa’s knee. Yes, it is almost April. And yes, when I checked his profile he was, indeed, an elf! At an impressive 5’3″, it wasn’t a long tumble from standing tall to St. Nick’s lap! And yes, I am a total cunt who simply could not control myself. I stopped short (Hahahahah!) of calling him a fucking gnome. But I did poke fun at him. Poke-poke. Not merely at his size, because beauty comes in an array of sizes. Yeah, whatever. I was more intent upon taking the piss out of his whole “dominant” stance. Seems like he didn’t appreciate the humor and found me to be a bit dense. Ah, if only he knew…I present for your perusal, with inserted editorial comments:

You’re 5’3″?
Sorry, it needed to be said.
Okay, back to your regularly scheduled “dominance!”

But judging one by stature is an assumption one should never really make. [It wouldn’t be an assumption, it would be a judgement. And the only judgement I’m making is that YOU’RE SHORT!]
In all honesty, my first wife was a 6’1″ Vegas showgirl and my 2nd was 5’11” [Whatever you say, Napoleon! And I’m sure your cock is HUGE!]
I just liked your profile, your attitude and the answers you gave to the questions.
(never judge a book by it’s cover) [See my latest book review post.]

No worries! Glad you liked the profile.
Frankly, I’m not kinky so I don’t submit to anyone of any stature.
I just meant that if it came to, ya know, wrestling or something similar, I would have you beat by sheer weight alone. Nothing personal. Given your experience with larger women, I’m sure you understand, no?
Happy to hear you’ve scaled the heights!

One needs not be kinky to make a connection (of any sort), nor do you need to submit. [Wow, forgive me for assuming. You are aware that your screen name is IamDom_I_Nant, aren’t you?] Yes, I’d probably lose a wrestling match with ya, oh what fun. And no personal offense taken, was just a tad bit surprised.
Come and talk sometime, that certainly cannot hurt. [Come where? Talk? Huh? Does he mean chat? Is there an invisible living room on here somewhere that I don’t know about? Wait, are we in Second Life?]

Talk where? You don’t live anywhere near me.

Ahhh, you missed the point entirely. Never-mind, no worries, it’s all good.
And DO have a lovely day. 
[How could I possibly have a lovely day without you, you 5’3″ stick of love dynamite? You pocket-sized prince! Rawr!]

I haven’t missed the point. I GET the point. I’m just curious…why would you want to spend time “chatting” with someone at a distance? Just for fun? I am not an idiot. FAR from it. I am not a big fan of “chatting” online, as in IMing. I prefer face-to-face, actual human interaction. Forgive me if that misses any point…

again, never mind

Haha, okay then. No BIG loss!
Hahahahaa! [And then I clicked BLOCK!]


4 responses to “Ima Cunt

  1. …and what’s wrong with being a polyamorist, bisexual, crossdressing, BDSM-inclined sex freak? (Ok, not so much with the BDSM-inclination, but the rest applies to varying degrees.)

    I’m just messing, I get the point – and I don’t know why a shorty who lives nowhere near your time zone would even bother, really.

  2. That poor guy. You should send him some absinthe.

  3. I’m with you for the most part, online fun is good to a point! If you find the perfict person but can’t see them for real it’s only a loss! And who has time to waist!

  4. NYguy4passion

    gnomeo, gnomeo wherefor arte thou gnomeo…. (someone HAD to say it!)
    on the other hand, at least you know he’s not 6’2″ and 210 lbs….

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