WTF Cupid?

So in further adventures of online dating, see below for an exchange between myself and “Michael.” Our “numbers” are 46% Enemy 3% Friend 51% Match, not exactly auspicious. Any chance of a relationship — or even a coherent conversation — was pretty much zero right from the get-go, given that he lives in Florida, is in the military and doesn’t drink. I know it’s mean-spirited to have a laugh a someone else’s expense, especially a stranger’s. And one who is apparently well-intentioned. But it’s tough not to guffaw at how dense this guy is. Ya gotta hand it to him for his tenacity, though!

hi pretty
Jan. 13, 2011 – 10:24pm
Hello
I am Micheal…I am looking for a woman that is going to love me and trust me …Not a woman that is going to hurt me .
I would like to meet a woman that could 1st make me laugh and be a good friend, and that just wants simple things in life and are looking for a friend 1st and lover 2nd to spend time with. I believe after that, if two people are right for each other then they will get to know each other as they go along and work it out on the way and also Ill like to meet someone who still believes in opening doors for people and letting a man have his seat on the tube.
.Hope to read from you ..ASAP
Thanks

Jan. 15, 2011 – 1:56am
Okay, so lemme get this straight:
You live in Florida, you’re in the military and you don’t drink.
Do you really think we would get along? If we were even near each other? Which we aren’t. I wish you all the luck in your search!
Abby

Jan. 15, 2011 – 2:48am
see i dont drink and that did not mean i can’t marry a woman that drink.Love pass all thing.And these is my last mission after these am retired and settle down to have a family..can you give me your IM so that we can know each other .thanks

Jan. 15, 2011 – 11:21am
No! A family? I’m 51! I can’t have kids! And do you speak English? Because your writing is atrocious! Please find someone for whom you are better suited!

Jan. 15, 2011 – 12:45pm
what did you mean????

Jan. 15, 2011 – 7:24pm
I mean I’m not interested.

Jan. 16, 2011 – 4:08pm
so what are you lookin 4??
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