This is a general missive to people I know. Though none of my friends are actually reading my blog…yet. Cause, well, no one really even knows I’m writing a blog. My intention is to send a personal email to everyone I know — or care about. Hopefully I will get around to actually doing that. In lieu of those emails, this is just my public…greeting….or perhaps explanation…
If you’re actually a friend of mine, chances are you’ve experienced a slight change in your experience of me. I haven’t acted or reacted the way I might’ve in the past, haven’t conducted myself in ways you’ve come to expect, or have otherwise exhibited behaviors that were, perhaps, un-Abby-like. I’ve gone home before I blacked out, decided to stay home rather than attend that huge warehouse party, drink less or not at all…and not fuck that random dude… So yeah, I’ve changed.
According to my friend Gandharva, 11 months ago I entered a new phase of my life. So I’m sorry if I’ve acted a bit out of character. Apparently I’m no longer that old character you’ve come to expect; I’m some whole new, other character…one who is craving solitude, silence, less stuff…in addition to all the previously mentioned changes in behavior. In other words, I’m now living an entirely differently life! And I’ve been enjoying it!
I am eager to get home from…wherever I am. Eager for guests to…leave. Eager to get into my pajamas and sit on my couch, tippy tapping on this keyboard. Or thrilled to be in bed — MY BED — with a good book or my gizmo Scrabble games. I’ve lost (even more of) my patience with stupidity, no longer have a tolerance for peripheral people and generally don’t give much of a shit. About anything. It feels awesome!
I’ve been fantasizing about a real change of lifestyle, ogling real estate porn in Angel Fire, New Mexico. I mean, if I’m gonna become a hermit I might as well do it somewhere remote! But I’m not sure I’m ready for that quite yet! For the time being, I’m busy transitioning from Party Girl Abby to Mellow, Contemplative Abby. Though that doesn’t mean I’m retiring completely! I still want to hit Mardi Gras and I’m not yet attending AA meetings! I’m still me…just a scaled back, less OUT EVERY NIGHT me. It’s just one more version of the Abby who has been a yuppie, a preppie, a beach bunny, a punk rocker, a drill team dancer, a Bell Labs computer geek, a cheerleader, a social pariah, a gifted student, etc. I hope I’ll still be a good friend!
In that vein, forgive me if I’m not interested in hearing about your job, your haircut, your diet or your boyfriend. When people start in about this stuff I do everything I can to appear attentive and not let my eyes glaze over. It doesn’t mean I don’t care about YOU. I am totally interested in hearing about your emotional life. I can listen for hours and offer my assistance as you struggle with how to cope with things that truly affect you. And I am completely invested in supporting you in all in every aspect of your lives. However, I really no longer have the bandwidth to listen to meaningless blahblahblah. I can’t even listen to my OWN anymore! I’m tired enough hearing about my own shit. So don’t be offended. I want to support your growth, my growth, OUR growth. How can we move forward and not let the past weigh us down? Let’s figure that shit out, shall we?