Yeah, so, as I may have mentioned, I’ve been doing the online dating thing. For the most part, I have met interesting men, if not my (next) soulmate. So far, OkCupid‘s algorithm has been pretty accurate at predicting who I’ll get along with and there seem to be plenty of guys out there with whom I’m a 90 percent-plus match. In addition to what percentage a “match” you might be with each potential date, the site also breaks down the percentage “friend” and “enemy” people are. No one seems to grasp what the “enemy” percentage means, but the other two appear fairly obvious. If a guy falls below, say, 60 percent “match,” I can safely assume that we won’t have much in common. But who knows, right? I mean, the algorithm could be wrong. And then some Neanderthal comes along to prove the computer to be absolutely spot-on!
Take this charmer, for example. First off, check out the photo he has on his profile. Is that his mom? Some other “more mature” ex-girlfriend? Either way, it’s usually not a great idea to use a photo of yourself with the opposite sex on a dating site. But even if one were to suspend judgement on that, well… His main stats are here, along with the back and forth of our emails. (And my editorializing!)
49 / M / Straight / Single
Rutherford, New Jersey (9 Miles)
would you like to chat?
Er, do you think we have anything in common? It’s tough to tell since you haven’t really filled out much of your profile or answered any questions.
Im sorry but i find you attractive and upbeat.Answering question on a crumby site like this doesnt me we wont click in person… [If it’s such a “crumby” site, what’s he doing ON it?]
Well, if you’d like to see if we will click in person, stop by The Delancey tonight. I’m throwing a party. And it’s FREE!
i would really love to but i drive to my moms tonight and spend the night and tomorrow there for thanksgiving………..its always just been me my mom and dad……..sorry [Is it me or does this remind anyone else of Norman Bates?]
what about a phone number is that to much to ask
good stuckup one stick it in year ear.trust me u aint all that barfly……….. [Did he really just say “stick it in your ear”? Really?]
First, I am not stuck up. I am a very nice person. Feel free to ask around!
Second, I am not a barfly. Can’t imagine what gave you that idea.
Third, no I ain’t all that. Nor did I profess to be.
What about a brat? got to be something…im a pain in the ass sometimes….
I’m sorry. I don’t give out my phone number to every guy who emails me, what, 30 words. We don’t appear to be a great match, you’re unwilling to respond to more questions that determine if we’d BE a good match and you haven’t really given me much reason to converse with you. There are literally thousands of men on here. I don’t have the time to be friends with all of them. If that makes you think I’m a brat, there isn’t much I can do.
Perhaps you could tell me a bit more about yourself? Merely finding me attractive, though flattering, isn’t much of a basis for friendship. Ya know?
No sweat go get as many men as you need.i got no time to fill out mindless questions like do you vote or are you rep,or dem,or do you believe in god…good luck and happy man hunting because u said enough not to have me waste a breath on you…….peace
Just so ya know, answering all those questions DOES match you up with people you’ll get along with. But you don’t need to waste any more breath on me. You also don’t need to be rude.
Good luck to you, as well!
ok good luck stuckup one u need someone to hold your hand on the first date too? [Um, what? Hold my hand? I don’t even know what that means.]
As if his inability to spell or properly punctuate weren’t enough, this guy is a complete tool. I tried to politely tell him I didn’t think it would be worth getting together and he just couldn’t take no for an answer. And he insisted upon having the last word (er, email) even though he was so adamant about “not wasting a breath” on me. Hah!
In addition to the occasional “mook,” I seem to attract quite a few 20-somethings. Not necessarily a bad thing! Flattering, for sure, but, well… I would at least consider a (much) younger man if I thought there might be some sort of connection. This guy appeared to be throwing stuff at the wall to see what sticks. He didn’t have a photo with his profile but he did email me one privately.
23 / M / Straight / Single
Babylon, New York (35 Miles)
Hey, How are you? Is it bad that I’m sexually attracted to you? I’m new at online. I’m single and living in long island NY. I have a photo also if you’re interested in seeing it.
It’s not “bad” that you’re sexually attracted to me. Perhaps a bit odd…though I have slept with guys half my age. It doesn’t appear that we would be a very good match even if we WERE the same age, however. And you are a little far away…though I’m certainly interested in a photo. I usually turn down offers for sex from young guys cause it’s really not what I’m looking for. I can get laid. That isn’t usually a challenge. Never has been.
If you aren’t busy tonight, stop by The Delancey. I’m throwing a party there. It’s free!
lol So much going on in that reply of yours. I’m not looking for a night stand. [Not looking for a night stand, eh? How about an armoire? Hah!] The main reason I messed you [“messed me”? Um….] is because your eyes seem very lonely and hurt. Your eyes give me a vibe that you have been lonely for years and are trying to find happiness in worldy things. [Oh man, if only this guy knew how far off-base he is! “Worldly things”? Like, what?] I’m sexually attracted to you but I’m looking for some type of a connection. I’m not like guys around my age. By the way its what your eyes showed me but I could be completely misled by your eyes. However, its up to you to tell me the truth on if I’m right or wrong about what I said. I have just emailed you my photo. tell me what you think?
Um, I haven’t been lonely for years, actually. Just broke up with my boyfriend a few months ago. I don’t like to rely on photos for sexual chemistry…just isn’t accurate.
Feel free to stop by tonight though I can’t promise anything more than a fun party!
I took these photos for working out purposes because I’m on diet and I wanted to see if I was getting abs or not.
Did you see my photo? If you did tell me what you think? Do you find me sexually attractive or not? Do’t be shy I won’t bite.
You’re okay…not my usual thing…But like I said, photos aren’t accurate.
lol You seem very depressed seriously. Are you bored with life?
Ummmm, take another look at my photo. I’m at a party in a crazy costume! Do I LOOK bored? Google me, fer crissakes! I work for Burning Man three months out of the year and write about sex and porn and stuff the rest of the year. I’m throwing a party tonight. Hardly BORED!
Maybe this guy gets ALL the older babes by assuming we’re all bored and depressed and just dying to do it with a kid who lives with his mom and takes photos of himself to see if he’s “getting abs.”
I think my favorite “cyber-pass” so far is this one:
I bet your so tired of the emails you get from guys saying something like: ‘I just got out of a long term relationship with my cousin,I have 16 kids all of which are punks,and I am very close to getting a job…at Mcdonalds that is’
Anyways, I just wanted to point out a mistake in your profile to help you avoid any future embarrassment…I know you said your age is 51. I think you accidentally typed ’51’ instead of ’31’. Don’t feel bad, we all make mistakes. 🙂
Just get it sorted ASAP :p
Don’t let these hilarious tales prevent you from giving the site a go. As I said, most of my match-ups have been enjoyable on every level! Stay tuned for more stories and, ideally, news of true love! Hah!