For a Nickel I Will!

Over the past month or so I’ve done all kinds of things to make money. I’ve had electrodes attached to my head, checked coats and mopped up spilled Cava at a gallery opening, proofread a PowerPoint presentation and offered “advice,” dressed as a circus ringmaster for an event at the Jefferson Public Library, babysat and booked hookers. I’m doing my best to cobble together a living but it doesn’t seem to be working. Because I’m not. Working.

I’m not just doing nothing. I get on here and tip-tap out something at least once a day. I work out almost every day. I hostessed that singles’ mixer. I’ve been covering the phone as the hooker booker but there doesn’t seem to be much action. For the month-plus that I’ve had this “job,” I’ve only managed to make $120, the grand total from two appointments. I had one yesterday but he cancelled. And another guy had a credit card that kept being declined. If I didn’t think I’d send the guy screaming, I would’ve met him “just for lunch” myself! He sounded like he could’ve used some company. I have clearly missed my calling…

Today I finished a piece of commissioned artwork. I’ll be paid $200 for it; I probably should’ve asked for more. The woman received one of my “doodles” 20 years ago as a gift from a co-worker of mine, who commissioned me. The recipient tracked me down and the artwork is 50th birthday gift a for a friend of hers. It took me over 10 hours to complete the piece and I’m sure the birthday woman will love it. I wish more people would track me down two decades later and hire me to make stuff!

It turns out that the manager of our local Trader Joe’s is a friend of a friend. I’ve asked this friend to intervene on my behalf. Otherwise there’s no way I’d ever get hired. As with all the job openings out there, why would anyone hire a person with absolutely no direct experience? I’m trying sooooo hard not to be negative. Are my realistic attitudes too defeatist?

So I’m puttin’ this out there: I want to work. I will do (just about) anything! It doesn’t even need to be legal! I have turned down a gig that required “heavy lifting of glass” because, while I’m not weakling, I don’t want to drop something that will cost more than I’m making. Email me with an offer!

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One response to “For a Nickel I Will!

  1. Trader Joe’s wouldn’t hire me for a part-time cashier job. I don’t know why, since I was a cashier all through high school (BEFORE they had scanner-registers and you had to actually count the change). Maybe they didn’t like that I am a graduate student…

    I’ve been a human Guinea Pig for money. I got paid three $50 gift cards to participate in a weight loss study by drinking a nasty Diet Coke beverage that gave me horrible flatulence.

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