In aniticipation of my return to the city, I reactivated my profile on OKCupid with the goal of lining up a few dates. I had more than a few interesting men “on the line,” some I was even excited to meet. For the most part, I was really just eager to “get back in the game.”
One guy had been sending me flattering messages and, after a few back and forths about a date, he suggested we meet for “happy hour.” We still hadn’t figured out an exact time – or place – and when he said he couldn’t leave the office till 6:30 at the earliest, I thought perhaps I could manage a “two birds with one stone” situation . I had a friend in town staying with me and we both wanted to check out Pleasure Salon. So I thought she and I could go together, hang out for a bit and then I’d meet up with my “date.” I let him know and he agreed to meet me there. My friend and I got to Happy Ending around 6:00 and by the time I was on my second beer my date still hadn’t shown. On my way to the bathroom, a guy stepped in front of me and exclaimed, “Hi, stranger!” The rest of what transpired and our subsequent reactions is in our emails:
Hey sorry. I split. I just found it a bit odd that we were meant to meet there and it seemed as though you had no idea who I was. Hoping you have an amazing evening.
Sorry? I’m guessing not, or you would NOT have left. That was pretty fucking rude.
Of course I had no idea who you were. Your photo on OKC isn’t of your face, so it’s tough to tell what you even look like. How was I supposed to recognize you?
Anyway, I hope that karma catches up with you!
It’s cool. I admit it was rude to leave that’s why I apologized. However I dont think I was the only party that was rude. As far as karma goes I’m not worried. Because I’m a good person who treats people well.
You didn’t treat me too well.
I thought I did. I was excited to see you I introduced myself. You said your friends were around the corner and to introduce myself. Before saying anything else. My perception of that was rude. Either way I’m sorry if you thought I was rude.
Actually, no, you didn’t introduce yourself. You said, “Hi, stranger.” The lights behind you made it hard to even see your face. Not that I would’ve recognized you since your face is so small on your profile pic. I was on my way to the bathroom and suggested you sit with my friends, where I was sitting. If that wasn’t to your liking you could’ve waited for me to get out of the bathroom. Instead, you just left. Making a date with someone and then disappearing is rude. Plain and simple. Offering to have you join my friends as I was on my way to the bathroom? I’d like to hear what about that was rude.
No response. My cousin said she would’ve left, too. Was I really that rude? I dunno. It’s all such a crap shoot.
Another guy who’d been causing me more aggravation than excitement had the screen name “Masuginah,” the Yiddish word for crazy. I thought it was a sign of a wry sense of humor. Instead, it turned out to be an apt self-description. He began with a brief flirtation and I wrote back that his profile was completely empty, so it was tough to discern if we might have a connection. He responded with an invitation to “ask away.” When I didn’t immediately reply (I’m assuming he saw that I was “online”), he “shouted” back at me:
I THOUGHT SO
I wrote back, You thought so? What did you think? What am I supposed to ask you? How about why haven’t you filled out your profile at all? Are you new? Shy? Why not volunteer a little bit of info?
The rest of the conversation went like this:
i did put a little more info in my profile, so thats not good enough?
I’m not sure why you’re so combative, especially with a stranger, on a dating site that’s designed to help you meet people. They site is easy to navigate, fun to use and matches people in fun ways, especially compared to many other dating sites.
If it’s all too much work for you, why bother?
its not hard work at all but i dont need no nerdy robot pickin my one and only and since you’re pickin on me will you tell me your name?..im Anthony
My name is Abby. Thought that was somewhat obvious.
The nerdy robot does a pretty damn good job at matching people. YOU pick your one and only. I’ll go read that little bit extra you added to your profile.
And if you’d like to know more about me, you can google me, check out my Facebook page or read my blog.
oh so you’re not here to meet anyone?
Of course I’m here to meet someone. What gave you the idea that I’m not?
see thats how you get to know someone you ask its better than lettin rudy tudy the robot pick it
Whatever, dude. I don’t know why you’re on here. It’s obviously a waste of your time. Asking questions is for when you meet people in person. Dating sites answer many of the questions for you if you just take the time to fill out the profile. No need to let “rudy tudy robot” do anything at all for you. I can read. You can read. We can both see photos.
Best of luck to you in your search. <cue you calling me a stuck up bitch or some other derogatory name>
ok one woman freak show good luck to you also and your stale humor
Oh, sorry. Was that humor? I couldn’t tell. It sounded to ME like you hated the site and couldn’t be bothered using it. If I got that wrong. DO let me know. I have a great sense of humor. Just GOOGLE ME.
yes it was i try to make people smile it makes for a better day
Well, I apologize. I did not detect any humor. As I said, you sounded totally aggro and irritated, both with me, this site and “rudy tudy the robot.” Humor rarely comes across online, especially with strangers.
And yes, by the way, I AM a one woman freak show.
well im full of humor not shit and if i have to send a smiley face after each message to show i mean no harm i will and ill start now…….:)and one extra..:)
And what did you mean when you emailed me: ”I THOUGHT SO.” Was that humor as well?
no that was bein a wise ass:)
hi i checked you out on facebook…
i enjoyed reading and looking at your photos…
so what does it take to meet you?
It takes sincere communication. I’m out of town til the 24th and my week when I get back will be crazy so the soonest I could get together is early Nov. if that suits you.
so when you mean sincere does it mean contacting you everyday to see how you are doing and phone communication?
No, it means an email with no snark, so smartass and no sarcasm. You know, a straightforward note. Nothing fancy.
hi would you like a phone conversation?
No, I prefer to meet in person. No need to draw things out if there’s no chemistry.
Hi, so when will I be available?
[That was from him...I didn't have a chance to respond before he sent his next note.]
When will u be available is what I meant
Hah! I’ll be more organized and settled (hopefully) next week or the week after. Do you want to make plans to meet up? Lunch? Dinner? Drinks?
Yes we can meet up for dinner when you’re settled in
I was asking if you wanted to make plans. If we don’t make plans now for next week, it will be next week and we’ll have no plans. I’m cool either way but have a pretty busy life and without plans, I make other plans. Not to sound all “I’m so popular” or anything…
How’s next saturday night?
I can’t do weekends, unfortunately. I kinda reserve them for my friends and events they’re producing that I like to support. Any other night works, though. I have a happy hour to attend on Tuesday the 8th but that will only be for a short while. We could meet up after. Wednesday the 2nd? The 3rd?
Sounds like you wouldnt have time for a relationship from that last e mail..but the 3rd is fine
If I had a relationship, that person would be integrated into my life. As I would I would be into his. I have a full and fulfilling life. I’m not some loser sitting in my apartment lonely with no friends. And I would rather spend my weekends with those friends than strangers. That’s pretty simple. After we’ve met, you won’t be a stranger anymore.
Glad you can do the 3rd. I’ll email ya closer and we can pick a place. Do you want to come to my neighborhood, have me come to yours or meet somewhere else? Sorry if I’m repeating myself but I’m in the East Village…
No I would love to see your world..im honestly looking forward to being in new york city with you
Awesome! You’re on my calendar!
Just checking in about Thursday evening. Did you still want to get together? Also, what’s your name?
Hi, yes I do still want to get together..Anthony
Let’s say Thursday at 7. Do you have a place in mind or should I pick one?
I would have to leave it up to you since its your neighborhood
Ok, well there’s every type of food near me. What do you like?
Sure. My usual place closed but there are a few others. I’ll send you an address before Thursday.
Ack, I lost my phone on Halloween and that’s what I usually use for all my communicating! So let’s figure out a time and place for dinner tomorrow. There’s a sushi place on the corner of Avenue A and St. Marks. Want to meet there at 7?
Hi, sure thats fine with me..
And the afternoon we were scheduled to meet, he sent this:
i find this very odd that we had not one phone conversation
Odd why? We are strangers. Once we’ve met in person we won’t be.
I don’t ever have phone conversations with “blind dates.”
Does this mean you’re canceling dinner tonight? Or will you be at the restaurant at 7?
If not, please let me know as soon as possible.
I wont meet anyone til I talk on the phone to see if they are who they say they are. Just like you certain things matter.
I guess the dinner date is cancelled.
Best of luck to you in your search.
You put a damper on my search just for the simple fact that I feel your profile is bogus and a fraud
[Gotta love this. What am I? A computer? A bot? Whose Facebook page did he think he was looking at? That’s some seriously advanced technology!]
What a fuckin joke this is
So of youre real come to jersey
No thank you. I don’t have a car. If I’m not real, who the hell has been emailing you? What would a phone call tell you? Try it: 000-000-0000. I’ll answer. But I could be ANYONE.
[When he didn't call, I gave him a taste of his own snarkieness.] I THOUGHT SO
[And then the guy actually called. I told him it wasn’t worth my time, that he’d been aggro since the beginning, it was rude to cancel mere hours before the date and I couldn’t be bothered. Then came the string of psycho emails.]
Talk about a internet game player.get s grip already thats why ur single im single because she died so good luck with the bullshit and last but not least is I would have met you tonight
If you would’ve met me, why did you bother with YOUR bullshit of needing to speak on the phone? THAT was an internet game.
Best of luck to you, too.
im not a dude m a grown man
A grown man AND an asshole!
ok i can accept that
no reason for you not to understand me
but one thing im not is some self centered asshole like you
[And if that wasn’t the icing on the cake, he actually emailed me yet again!]
why you so thick headed
Sigh. I’m not sure why I even bother…Today I had a lunch date that he cancelled…last night at almost 11pm. And when he asked to reschedule, I actually said yes. I may need my head examined. On the bright side, I met two OKC guys in one night Friday. That’ll have to be a different post!