Anxious

So I’ve been feeling anxious lately. Unable to concentrate…or write. Thus not much blogging. I’ve been crafting (for the Mermaid Parade) and working out, sitting in the sun (building my base for Burning Man) and watching crap TV, going to bed early and playing way too much Sudoku and Words with Friends. To the point of obsession. Weird, I know. I’ve also been surprisingly sober. Not completely so but more so than…usual. In preparation, perhaps, for the impending enforced alcoholism.

Though there are aspects of my coming committment that I’m excited about — the work, my crew, the physical space with all its accompanying wide-open sky — there are also aspects I am not looking forward to. It is, in many ways, a false reality. A world where no cash changes hands, where a disciplined schedule is imposed upon me, where everyone lives and breathes a camaraderie that becomes tenuous in the “off season.”

Here in Reality Camp, I have a dependable circle of friends who I’ve known for much longer, who are there for me regardless of the season, who are as much my friends in July as they are in January. I’m also loving my Reality Camp job. Bartending is awesome. I enjoy the routine of opening up: slicing the fruit, turning on all the lights, filling the bins with ice. And balancing the routine is the unpredictability that working in a bar offers; you never know who will walk through the door or how the day will unfold. It has been great finally feeling self-sufficient. So when someone recently asked me what it’s like to “just reestablish yourself and your life and then go away again” it made me think, what the hell am I doing?

I’ve also been feeling bummed out about being so seemingly permanently single…and sexless. It’s one thing to be single, but sexless? It isn’t as easy to get drunk and pick up on someone in a bar as a 50-something as it was when I was 40-, 30- or 20-something. Guys don’t even talk to me anymore. Ugh. It has been very difficult to adjust to this new “invisible” ness, even though it may not appear that I am invisible. I’m sure it appears to outsiders that my life is exactly the same as it’s always been. Which isn’t the case. I’ve been reluctant to blog about it because I feel like admitting these frailties in such a public forum will just make readers out there feel smug in their non-me-ness. It is my lot in life to have so many younger friends who think I’m just being whiny.

In addition to all of this is my inability to dig into my book project. Obviously my looming departure is playing into it. But why is it that I find myself obsessing over games on my iPhone when I could be (should be) writing? DOING SOMETHING WITH MY FUCKING TIME?!?!? Ugh. I can’t believe it’s almost July.

An Aha Moment

I had an “aha” moment recently.

While desperately attempting to analyze why I feel so utterly, ummm, disgusted with “older” men — men my age — I thought about my father and my current attitude about him. Yup. Disgust. Not very positive, I know. In fact, it’s very sad. My father has always been a strong figure in my life. He is now a shell of his former self. He has vascular dementia, which has resulted in pretty much zero short-term memory. He has become feeble and needs to use a walker. His life consists of sitting in his La-Z-Boy. His only joys are eating, sleeping and the dog. According to my mother, he consistently shits his pants. Having a conversation with him is difficult. Even watching an hour-long TV show with him isn’t much fun because by the end he asks,”What was that all about?” He can’t comprehend the story arch because he doesn’t retain anything.

After this aha, I thought back on how my relationship with my dad has changed over my life and how it might’ve corresponded with my love life. Of course, there did appear to be a pattern. Which doesn’t bode well for the future since the next step is, obviously, death. Though in death there can be freedom, a new beginning, so who knows?

Today Was a Perfect Day

I woke up without a hangover, since after work last night, instead of getting drunk I went out for dinner with a couple of friends. I went to bed early, in hopes of staving off this almost-cold, which meant I woke up early! Hangoverless! Huzzah!

I had my coffee and cocoa, then went up to the roof for some sunshine. After sufficient rayage, I worked out for a while — the full workout, not a hurried one. I took a leisurely shower and get my Janis Joplin drag on for LOW LIFE 6: East Village Others, the finale of the HOWL Festival. I slurped on a spicy Bloody Mary at Niagra and peeked into one of the sparkliest dressing rooms I’ve ever seen.

The performances were properly trippy, accompanied by late arrivals, a power failure and a few passing showers. But it was also completely dazzling! Lame and leather, sequins and glitter, feathers and enough false eyelashes for the cast of Priscilla! I got to see a few familiar faces in the audience before dining al fresco with a friend, followed by a spiked milkshake at Sidewalk. I got the S’mores one: marshmallow vodka, chocolate sauce, vanilla ice cream and a cup rimmed with graham cracker crumbs. YUM!

I came home to my adorable dog and decided I’d give my mom a call. Bad idea. My perfect day wound up spoiled upon hearing that my sister’s day was slightly less spectacular. Her husband was supposed to have the kids. He took them, and their dog, home. The dog was on medication, which no one remembered to give her. So she died. The husband calls to say something better has come up, can my sister take the kids. Needless to say, it was not exactly stellar. For any of them.

I am very, very fortunate. And grateful for my perfect day. But I’d like to add that with all the deaths of friends’ pets, wonderful animals who meant so very much to their humans, this really kinda ruined my perfect day. I think I’ll go to bed…

Jettison June…Jettisoned!

Sorry, folks. I just don’t have the bandwidth to sort AND photograph AND post! I’ll be holding an all day open house type event to get rid of as much stuff as possible. Probably on Sunday, June 17. Stay tuned. I may be posting previews to the Party Costume Exchange so you can also check there.

Jettison June, Day 2

Today is about FRILLS!

Item: White “Bo Peep” Pants
Label: Sam’s XL
Details: White lace squaredancing pantaloons/bloomers.
Price: $35
Original Cost: $40
History: I bought these in one my “Frillification of NYC” orders from Sam’s.
Worn: Once, to Kostume Kult’s Horned Ball 2012.

Item: Red, White & Blue Crinoline
Label: Sam’s L
Details: Custom ordered red, white and blue crinoline. Perfect for 4th of July!
Price: $45
Original Cost: $50
History: Another item ordered from Sam’s. I had a vision for a costume for Burning Man’s American Dream theme and never wore it.
Worn: Never worn! Brand new!

I have many other frillies and can probably be talked out of most of them. That would take you coming to my place and checking things out in person, though! Ugh. It is an overwhelming task. My original plan was to have all these post ready to auto-post. I’m already playing catch up and it’s only the 2nd of June! I really need to get into that storage space…..

Welcome to Jettison June!

Hello and Happy June! I’m gonna try something a little different this month. In an attempt to divest myself of much stuff, I’m going to sell, swap or give away a whole bunch of my belongings. And this is where I’m gonna do it. (Well, it’ll all be on Twitter, Facebook and probably a few other places like Freecycle, Listia and eBay, too.) I may have other things to say, of course, so there may be more than one post per day. But most definitely there will be a post every day featuring something awesome for sale!

If you have questions about any item, feel free to email me! For some reason WordPress is giving me crazy problems with the pix. I’d be happy to email you photos of anything you’re interested in. I can ship stuff to ya or if you’re local you can come by and try stuff on. Let’s get started!

CORSETS

Item: Black Velvet Corset
Label: Vollers EUR 36 UK 26 CMS 66
Details: Black cotton velvet, full busk and boning. Long line with shoulder straps.
Price: $50
Original Cost: $120
History: This piece was purchased to be part of my Queen of Halloween Costume; I appliquéd an orange satin Jack o’Lantern face onto it. For the Edward Gorey Ball I sewed on white sequin snowflakes.
Worn: Probably less than a dozen times.

Item: Copper Leather with Black Leather Trim Corset
Label: Dark Garden Custom, about a 26″
Details: Gorgeous copper leather, very Steampunk! Long line, black leather trim and lacing at shoulder straps.
Price: $25
Original Cost: $100
History: This piece was purchased used at a Dark Garden sale. It was previously owned by Autumn, the woman who runs Dark Garden, and was custom fit to her. It never really fit me quite as well as it fit her, since she has a different shape. But it’s pretty awesome!
Worn: Probably less than a dozen times.

Item: White Leather with Black Satin Trim Corset
Label: Catherine Coatney size L
Details: Very soft white leather, metal hardware hasps, lined with black satin. Small eyelet with silk cord lacing up the back. NO boning!
Price: $20
Original Cost: $50
History: This piece was purchased at a San Francisco sample sale in the actual Coatney studios.
Worn: Probably less than a dozen times.

Item: Asian Corset with Rose Petal Pink Braid Trim
Label: Custom, about a 26″
Details: The zipper on this corset is fuckered. However you can lace yourself in without using the zipper. Which would be sort of a pain in the ass. But it’s too nice to throw away! Maybe you can fix the zipper? Somewhat short-line.
Price: $15
Original Cost: $80
History: This piece was custom made for me. There is a matching black satin bolero jacket if you’re interested!
Worn: About six times.

Item: Black Patent Leather with Lenticular Flames Corset
Label: Naughty Lola Size L
Details: The flames look like they’re on fire when you move! Silver grommets and lacing up the back, plastic zipper up the front. There is no boning but the patent leather is pretty heavy. No lining.
Price: $15
Original Cost: $75
History: I bought this for some party with a Hell theme, I think, long before I went to Burning Man, surprisingly. The pointy edges at the top kept poking me so I had it slightly altered to be less poky.
Worn: About eight times.