Yesterday I received a new comment on my blog from “Paul.” It was in response to my post “Done with Dating.” Paul said:
I think you should give up dating! No one will ever be “good” enough for you! You are only out for yourself with all your self-promotion and making all us men sound bad! No man is ever good enough for you! No man is handsome enough for you! No man is cool enough for you..You seem to find something bad to say about every single one of your dates! You are the problem, not us men!
At first I thought Paul was responding to my most recent post
. When I realized it was a comment on “Done with Dating,” all I could think was, did ya catch the title there, Paul? Duh. Either way, I often say I’m the one with the problem. But in this instance, I literally admit it: “I don’t know if that’s because I subconsciously crave disaster in order to create more content for you, my dear readers, or if there’s something seriously wrong with me
. I’m pretty confident it’s both.” So, yeah, thanks for the brilliant insight, Paul.
After mulling it over, his comments started to really piss me off. I’ve said repeatedly that I’m the problem. That it isn’t the men, it’s me. Most of these guys are great. For me, it’s the context — the blind date-ish dynamic — that I find problematic. Perhaps if I met these men under different circumstances — in a bar, at a party, in the grocery store — my reaction to them might be more favorable. Who knows?
The whole purpose of this blog is introspection. My dating disasters may sound hilarious to the reader but actually experiencing them is no fucking picnic. I don’t know if it really is “them” or me. There are many things I’m unable to successfully address here, primarily my myriad fears. I don’t know if it’s diminished libido, loss of self-confidence, fear of intimacy or having my heart broken…again. I struggle with reconciling feeling happy and content, yet wanting more. Should I want more? Do I deserve more? Haven’t I had enough already?
To weigh in with such negativity and condemnation — especially on the heels of other more encouraging and compassionate comments — just seems mean-spirited. Granted, there have been plenty of other nasty comments. I approve them all;I don’t want anyone accusing me of picking and choosing only the positive responses. But I have to question how Paul could take the time to read my blog and still believe I’m “only out for myself with all my self-promotion.” Really? Promotion of…what? Is there advertising on here? How am I benefitting from any of this? And if I’m not out for myself, who is? Who should I be “out for?” All these OKCupid dudes? I mean, seriously.
I’ve taken down my OKCupid profile. If I meet someone in person and he asks me out, great. But I’m not gonna do the online dating thing anymore. It just isn’t how I’m wired. So, in conclusion, I say FUCK YOU, PAUL! And fuck off to all the other assholes who waste their time reading what I write and then waste even more time being mean.